


Repair and Reconnect

by Tahlruil



Series: Rebirth [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Because the Story Won't Be Over Yet, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, Humor, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Multiverse Travel, Multiverses Collide, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Steve 'fight me' Rogers, Stony Trumps Hate, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but not really, part of a trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2018-11-30 16:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 66,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11467125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: Being alone isn't something new to Tony Stark - it's been a major life theme, really. But there'd always beensomeone, even if he'd taken them for granted before losing them. There'd always been someone, or in the past several years there'dalwaysbeen JARVIS. Then Ultron happened and J was... it was Tony's fault, he knew that. Rhodey is with the Avengers who are not with Tony, and he and Pepper have been over longer than anyone else knew, and he was alone. Alone and stuck like never before, drifting through the tower he'd wanted to make a home.When Steve comes back - in a very unexpected, dramatic fashion - Tony thinks it might be nice to not be alone for just a little while. But Steve's not himself, and no one else on his former team wants to admit it, which is... it's fine. He can handle this without them. Because it's definitely Steve Rogers in his home, looking all small and adorable, stirring up all kinds offeelingsthat Tony can totally handle by ignoring them altogether. It's only Steven Grant Rogers, dammit, even if Steve doesn't think so and... wait.Multiverse. Right.God, he doesn't have the energy for this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arboreal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arboreal/gifts).



> It's the first chapter of my first fic for my first Stony Trumps Hate Auction winner! Yaaaay! I am so very happy to be posting this!! This is for Arboreal, who has been AMAZING about letting me go where the story takes me and very patient to boot! <3 Thanks so much!
> 
> Also, I won an auction that has allowed me to work with KiernaSerea (who is possibly one of the most wonderful people on the planet) as a beta. This fic and the series it will be a part of would definitely be far worse without an editing eye and the wonderful questions that make me think about what the heck I'm doing. As a 'pantser', this whole 'thinking ahead' thing is new and exciting, and so yeah. Thank you chickadee! <3
> 
> Tags will be updated as I post more chapters, and if I missed one let me know? I'm awful at tagging. XD 
> 
> Comments? :D Please? :D They make me do a happy dance in my chair. <3

They’d all left.

Tony shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was by that. Everyone always left, after all. Even Pepper, even Rhodey. It shouldn’t matter, because a Stark knew how to stand alone – his father had always been very clear on that point. He’d spent his whole life learning how to be alone in style, and he was pretty damn good at it. So he shouldn’t be so surprised, and he definitely shouldn’t be hurt. He wasn’t all that close to them anyway. Not anyone but Bruce, and his science bro had _really_ left. And yeah, he’d wanted it to be different this time. Tony’d wanted things with the Avengers to be different… but the universe had never been too concerned with what he wanted.

They’d left...because everyone did. After SHIELD fell they might have moved in, but he’d been silly to think it would be anything more than temporary. They’d always been planning on leaving him alone again. Alone and drifting through his partially ruined tower, thinking too much and missing JARVIS so fiercely it was a physical ache in his chest. His AI would have had cleaning crews here almost immediately, no matter what Tony’s opinion was on the issue. J would have snarked and sassed and made the place less empty; with J he’d never really been alone.

But everyone always left, and even his brilliant, beautiful boy was no exception.

Pepper was still skirting around him, feeling out their new boundaries – going back to being friends was way harder than crossing the line to lovers had been. So while she’d made sure the lower levels were cleaned up and safe for SI employees, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do the same for the floors Tony’d claimed as his own. Well, for the Avengers, but only on a temporary basis. No, she’d worried – visibly, eyes watering and smile trembling – and asked him to take care of it. Probably because she didn’t want him living (existing) in the shards of what could have been. But she hadn’t challenged him on the easy lie of agreement he’d given her, and she hadn’t asked him about it since.

Tony wasn’t sure what hurt worse – the loss of their romantic life together or the way starting it in the first place had broken their friendship. She tiptoed around him in a way she’d _never_ done, and it was like a punch to the stomach every time. He didn’t miss sleeping with her – okay that was a lie. He didn’t miss it as much as he’d thought he would. What he really missed was her no-nonsense attitude, the way she wouldn’t let him get away with everything. He missed how she would laugh at his more harmless antics because she thought he was funny and charming, and the way her lips used to twitch up into a reluctant smile when she had to pretend she didn’t find him as amusing as she did. Tony missed the way she would run her fingers through his hair, the way she took care of him and let him take care of her. He just missed the way she’d been a constant presence in his life – not as much as he missed JARVIS, but it was the same type of pain.

God, he missed JARVIS.

Rhodey knew he and Pepper had broken up shortly before the mess that had been Ultron. At their joint request, he’d kept it to himself. They hadn’t been quite ready to go public with the information – still weren’t, not with the way SI stock had gone into freefall after the attack on the tower and what had happened in Sokovia. The company needed some time to stabilize before another bomb got dropped. So they weren’t together anymore, but there were only four people who actually knew about it. The pissing contest with Thor over whose girlfriend was ‘better’ had killed him inside a little, and he’d maybe been just a smidge upset at the way Rhodey had abandoned him to it. Did he get why? Yeah. Didn’t mean he couldn’t hold a grudge over it. Their friendship was full of little things like that – just meant Rhodey owed him a drink or two the next time they went out to paint the town red. If they ever did again, because Rhodey was an Avenger now, and the Avengers had left.

Not that he blamed his best friend for going with them, not at all. Rhodey deserved a spot on that team. Hell, he deserved it more than anyone else Tony’d ever known. His platypus was going to be an awesome Avenger, and Rogers was damn lucky to have a man like Colonel James Rhodes at his back. And honestly, Tony was less hurt by his best friend leaving than anyone else, because Rhodey had been leaving him since his first deployment. The thing about Rhodey was that he always, _always_ came back. He sometimes felt like the only permanent fixture in Tony’s life, even when they couldn’t be together. That was something that wouldn’t change, not until one of them finally ran out of lucky breaks and kicked the bucket.

So Rhodey was gone, and Pepper was gone, and the Avengers were gone too. All of that he could have handled just fine, ruined home and all, if only JARVIS… but J wasn’t just gone, he was dead and Tony couldn’t bring him back. Ultron, the bastard, had been remarkably, _cruelly_ efficient when it came to destroying his predecessor. Every backup server he’d had J stored on, each and every line of code damaged or destroyed or corrupted. The only version of the AI that had escaped was the one that had created The Vision. Tony could reconstruct some of the original code, but J’d been a learning AI. What he could bring back wouldn’t be the same. It would be a mockery of JARVIS and who he’d been, even more than the android who’d stolen his voice.

Tony wouldn’t do that to J, not for anything and especially not just to make himself feel better. Not even if he missed the AI like a lost limb.

That meant the tower was silent as well as being destroyed. He hadn’t been able to force himself to install FRIDAY yet. She was in the suits, because he needed an AI to help him pilot the things effectively. But the thought of removing what remained of J in his home and replacing it with FRIDAY made him want to throw up, so he just… didn’t. He didn’t install FRIDAY and he didn’t call anyone to clean up the mess Ultron and the Avengers had made of the tower. He didn’t clean much of it up himself either, just shifted it around so he wouldn’t hurt himself too much on the wreckage. He didn’t go down to the workshop at all, and he did wallow in the guilt of leaving his bots down there alone.

Thank every god ever invented by man that Ultron hadn’t killed his bots.

Tony didn’t bother with a lot of things these days – almost everything, actually. There wasn’t any reason to. Not when Pepper was too unsure to order him to do his work and J was too dead to force him to take care of himself. The Avengers were gone, living at the compound, so he didn’t need to repair the rooms he’d given them. He didn’t have any visitors, which meant he didn’t have to give a damn what the rest of the tower looked like. He didn’t eat much, slept as little as he could get away with, and only really spoke to Pep and Rhodey. He spent most of his time just… drifting from room to room, floor to floor.

After Afghanistan and New York, he’d had a driving, manic need to create. Panic and desperation had pushed him to bring ideas to life, to build things that would protect himself, those he loved, and the whole damn world. He hadn’t been able to work hard or fast enough, and he’d been ridiculously productive during both periods as a result. 

After Strucker’s base and his first encounter with Wanda that he tried his hardest not to think about because it still tended to send him spiraling into a panic, he’d been driven to create Ultron.

Now, when he picked up his tablet or a pen and paper… nothing. There was nothing to create, nothing to build, nothing that would make this better. He had plenty of thoughts, ones that raced constantly and tormented him and wouldn’t _stop_ , but he couldn’t focus them into anything productive. For the first time that he could remember, Tony was stuck. He didn’t know how to forge a path forward, how to turn this mess into something that could make him stronger. There was no Pepper to call him on his listlessness (depression), no Rhodey to help him forget, and no JARVIS to coax him into breaking the pattern. There were no Avengers either, because they were at the compound and he wasn’t one of them anymore anyway. He’d always wanted to give them a home, and now he had – it was petty and awful of him to feel bitter that that home wasn’t in the tower with him.

He refused (tried not to) feel too hurt that they’d left, because he should have known they would.

It did sort of rip his heart to shreds that none of them had asked him to stay.

Sure there was talk of missing him and an invitation to drop by whenever he wanted, but not one of them had asked if he was sure. None of them had pointed out that the compound could be home for him too. Tony’d sort of… well. He’d hoped Rogers would ask him to reconsider. But he hadn’t.

No one had.

No one but Rhodey and Pepper had called to check on him.

Tony had never felt so alone in his life.

He didn’t wish on stars anymore, because looking up at the night sky was almost as panic inducing as thinking about Wanda. Still, he did find himself making wishes. Well, one wish anyway. The same one, over and over. It would just be nice not to be so alone.

Was that really too much to ask for?

~.~.~

“Oh come on… piece of shit bird… come on, come on… no! What the fuck?! I aimed that perfectly! The coding for this game is so un-fucking fair… serve ‘em right if I hacked… god dammit! Fucking level with these fucking pigs… stupidest fucking game…”

Giving a snort of disgust, Tony threw his phone down, not at all worried about breaking it. Every Avenger (or former Avenger) had one that could withstand super soldier strength. No way he was going to even dent the thing outside the suit. It hit the floor hard, and for a second Tony found himself tempted to give it a kick just for good measure. He managed to refrain, but did give a loud groan of irritation as he collapsed back against the couch.

Well, the half that wasn’t burned to a crisp. It was the comfiest piece of furniture left on the old common floor, so by default it was where he ended up. The thing probably wouldn’t last much longer – even the “good” half sagged a little more every day – and then he’d probably have to resort to sitting on the floor. Maybe that would be enough to motivate him to call a cleaning crew.

Probably not, but well. A guy could hope. Might push him into sweeping more at least. The occasional bit of glass or metal in his feet was one thing; a sliver of either stuck in his ass was a whole other story.

Ignoring his phone, Tony turned his attention to the single shot glass sitting on the glass coffee table in front of him. It was full of a tempting amber liquid, the bottle of which was on the floor. He’d have put that on the table too, but the glass surface was full of spider-web cracks. While it held under the weight of one glass, it would shatter completely if he added a nearly-full bottle of scotch. God, he wanted that drink… but one wouldn’t be nearly enough.

He was pretty sure that if he started drinking, he wouldn’t stop until he was dead. Not with his _thoughts_ and the way he was _feeling_. Not with no one there to remind him why it was a bad idea.

Every night though, his self-destructive tendencies reared their head. As the sun set, he’d pour himself a shot of something and stared at it through most of the night. He stared and toyed with the glass, sometimes smelled the drink inside. Tony would spend hours (off and on) playing with the idea of taking that first sip. When dawn came, he’d dump the shot down the sink and put the bottle back. It was a game, a test of strength – one of these nights, it would be a game he’d lose.

For now though, Tony pushed himself to his feet and began to wander. He headed for what was left of the bar first, weaving his way around small piles of broken glass. Once he reached it, he lifted his right hand and pressed the tips of his fingers against the metal edging. As he walked the length of the counter, he trailed his fingers down that twisted metal, barely flinching when he felt a rough patch nick his finger. When he reached the end, he turned and headed for the large window – that, at least, had been replaced.

Mostly because he hadn’t been able to rest at all when there was nothing standing between him and the vast, terrifying void of space. The men who’d come to fix it had offered to do something about the rest of the place. He’d offered them double if they promised not to mention the idea again.

So he had a window, and most nights he tried to walk up to it. The view had been one of his favorite things about the tower when he’d been building it. Now, on a good night, he could get within five feet and if he focused on just the buildings, he wouldn’t have a panic attack.

It wasn’t a good night… so he veered to the left when he was still almost ten feet away. The elevator was the next stop in his silent trek; on the way he tried to decide if he wanted to visit a different floor. Sometimes he would ghost his way through the floors that had been given to the Avengers. Sometimes he would go to the penthouse and try to sleep. Every once in awhile, he’d go down to the workshop’s level, but on those nights he never left the elevator. He’d think about it, but then his heart would start to beat too fast and his breath would come too quickly, and he’d know that his bots were in there and needed him but J wasn’t there and he never would be again because he was dead and it was all Tony’s fault and part of fixing the workshop would be removing what was left of JARVIS and then it would be like he’d never been here and –

Tonight wasn’t a night where he wanted to have a panic attack in the elevator, so he decided it would be best to avoid the space all together. Instead, once he got to it, he sighed and put his back to the wall. He slowly sank down until he was sitting with his legs stretched out in front of him. When he tipped his head back, Tony let it thud pretty hard against the wall – it didn’t make him feel any better, but it didn’t make him feel any worse either, so he did it a few more times.

Once the move had started a dull throb in the back of his head, he relented. As he let out a soft sigh, he saw a bit of light coming from near the half-ruined couch – maybe somebody was calling him? Whatever, he’d check it in a bit. When he found the energy to stand up again, he’d get right on checking that out. He just couldn’t get up again right away, that was all. He just needed a couple minutes.

Tony ignored the pulsing light that had to be coming from his phone in favor of closing his eyes. Everything just took so much _energy_ these days. It was probably a good thing nobody had asked him to keep being an Avenger. He couldn’t imagine having enough energy to scramble for a suit at a moment’s notice and then go into battle. He could probably manage it if he had to, but it was for the best that he didn’t have to test that theory.

It was a night for big crime or tourism, apparently, because a helicopter was passing the tower. That’s what Tony assumed the light he could see even with his eyes closed . It happened from time to time, so he didn’t think anything of it… not at first, anyway. Not until the light kept getting brighter and brighter, pulsing in a steady rhythm that he could almost hear. No wait, he _could_ hear it, soft at first but growing louder as the light got brighter. Yeah, that was weird. Tony didn’t know if he had the energy to deal with weird. Since the weird was in his tower though, he supposed he’d have to dredge some up.

Another heartfelt sigh left his lips, and then he finally cracked one eye open. Sure enough, there was a green-tinged light pulsing near the couch, a noise like a too-loud heartbeat whooshing in time with it. He should be worried, Tony knew that in a distant way. Yeah, he should probably be a lot more concerned than he was… or at least he should be more interested. Curious even. He should probably be investigating or maybe calling the suit just in case.

Instead it took everything he had just to get to his feet.

The pulsing was starting to get faster and the whooshing louder – something was going to happen. Tony hoped it wouldn’t be a major explosion of any kind – when a skyscraper went down, people died and things were pretty bad. If Stark Tower in particular, with the arc reactor and all the other potentially explosive shit in it, came down? The result would be catastrophic. So an explosion could spell real disaster here, and he had plenty of enemies who’d be more than happy to try and make his tower go boom. While he wasn’t too concerned with his own death, he’d hate to be the reason why a large group of people, innocent people, died. Again.

With the pulsing now so fast that the entire floor was bathed in a constant green light, he found himself needing to shade his eyes. Even then, he couldn’t look directly at the source, and the noise of the thing was starting to hurt his ears. He wished whatever was coming would just _happen_ already, because the suspense was exhausting him.

It was almost like it heard his thoughts, because all at once the light went bright enough to temporarily blind him and a high, thin whining noise filled the air. Eyes watering and a string of curses leaving his mouth, Tony turned away, blinking rapidly. His hands lifted, covering his ears in a vain attempt to protect them. The whine got higher, and then there was an almost audible shift in air pressure that made his ears pop… and then nothing. The light was gone, leaving only spots in his vision and a silence that was almost deafening in its wake. At least there hadn’t been an explosion, he reasoned as he opened and shut his mouth, shifting his jaw to try and get his ears back to normal. Of course, he still had no idea what the fuck had just happened, but he was going to wait until he could see and hear clearly again before he investigated.

That was the plan anyway, until a low moan reached his ears. It hadn’t been him and there wasn’t anyone else in the upper levels that he knew of, so that… that wasn’t good. Either he’d gone completely insane or the light had been some kind of teleportation device, and God he didn’t have the energy for this. But whoever – whatever? – was in his tower was groaning again. It sounded like pain, and he felt the same tug in his heart that had led to the creation of the Mark II and that had pushed him to join the Avengers. As much as he hated caring sometimes, he still did. So he had to go see what was wrong and help if he could.

Caring sucked.

Still blinking away a few bright spots, Tony started to pick his way across the room. Cutting up his own feet would in no way improve the situation, so he was a lot more careful than he’d been in… days? Weeks? It was all starting to bleed together. Didn’t matter – what mattered was the moaning and muttering he could hear coming from near that half-ruined couch. He couldn’t see who had invaded his tower, not yet – he had the idle thought again that he should probably call in the suit. Rogers would kick his ass for going in alone, unarmed and unarmored, he knew that.

But Rogers wasn’t there.

It was when he rounded the charred side of the couch that Tony finally saw what the light had delivered – or rather who. Tony was pretty sure the person curled up into a ball on his floor was a man, but who the hell knew for sure. There was a shock of mussed dirty-blond hair on the guy’s head, and he was… small, at least from what Tony could see. Slender, delicate even, with long, thin fingers pressed to the side of his face hiding his features. Artist’s hands, Tony decided absently. The guy had the hands of an artist, and… and that looked like blood on the one he could see. Shit.

“Uh… hi. Hello. Don’t… I’m gonna try to help you, okay? Looks like you’re bleeding so… right. Don’t hit me, if you can help it maybe.” As he spoke, Tony approached the man slowly, trying to sound as calm as he could, scanning him for signs of any additional damage. His clothes were… weird. Old fashioned. Were those suspenders? Shaking the thought out of his head, he crept a little closer, then eased down to his knees near the guy’s head. The man had gone still and quiet, muscles tensed – probably in preparation to hit him, which he didn’t like but he could live with it.

“Okay. So… my name’s Tony, and uh… you might be hurt? I mean, looks like, because blood, so… you maybe wanna move your hand? I promise I’ll be gentle.” A little teasing like that never hurt, right? Right. Well, maybe he was wrong about that, because those elegant, blood-smeared fingers split to reveal one brilliant blue eye and a skeptically arched brow. “Yeah, yeah. Okay. So this is weird. Really fucking weird with the light and all, and I know you don’t know me, but I’m not going to hurt you. I’m a superhero – or I was, kinda retired now, but that’s… that’s not important. The important bit is that it’s against the superhero code to hurt innocent people, and okay you might not be innocent I don’t know, but I’m gonna just assume you are until you prove me wrong because that’s, you know, a founding principle of this country. God bless America, right? So yeah. Superhero code says I can’t hurt you, not that I would anyway, and I feel like I’m talking a lot. Too much? Probably too much. Um. Let’s get you sitting up so I can take a look. Please? With a cherry on top? Unless you don’t like cherries, in which case sprinkles? Everyone like sprinkles. Wow. Okay. Shutting up now.”

That golden brow had gone higher and higher, and Tony was pretty sure there was judgement in that beautiful eye. He was suddenly, keenly aware of what he must look like. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually slept or trimmed his beard, so his face had to be an absolute disaster – one probably complete with bags under his eyes and sallow skin. His hair was sticking up every which way and had to have more oil in it than the state of Texas because he hadn’t showered in a while either. His tank top was ragged, probably with embarrassing pit stains, and his sweat pants had definitely seen better days. Jesus, he probably looked like a very untrustworthy homeless person. The mess around them couldn’t inspire much confidence either.

“Sorry about, uh…” Tony made a vague gesture at himself, then the room. “All this. I wasn’t really expecting anyone to drop in. Swear I’m not a dangerous vagabond. Scout’s honor. I mean, I wasn’t a scout, but it’s just what people say. Superhero’s honor?”

“Thought you was done yammerin’.” There was an oddly familiar drawl in the man’s voice, one he was sure he should recognize. “Lucky it ain’t more’n a scratch or I mighta bled out waitin’ for ya ta stop.”

“Okay funny man. If you can talk you can sit.” Tony offered the man a hand; after a few seconds of deliberation, it was accepted and he started to tug the man up. More quiet groans escaped, and Tony noted with some concern that his other arm stayed wrapped tightly around his ribs. A bit of blood he could handle, but broken ribs? That would require a professional. Biting back a sigh of irritation, he dragged his gaze away from the man’s chest to look at his face – he needed to get a better idea of the head injury before he started worrying about others.

As soon as he got a good look, however, all the breath left his lungs at once. Tony _knew_ the face in front of him – there was no way to mistake it. Hadn’t Howard shown him all the pictures often enough? And hadn’t he spent enough time studying it now? Even after the serum, Captain America’s face was easily recognizable as belonging to the beautiful, fey-like man that had gone into that steel coffin and come out as the world’s first superhero.

“Steve?” he whispered, several scenarios running through his head. None of them were good. Rogers had somehow reverted, and he couldn’t imagine coming through that green light had helped, and Rogers was _hurt_ which was unacceptable. Had it been Hydra? The bastards were still popping up everywhere, and they had something of a vendetta. Maybe Wanda or the Vision had lost control of their powers? Magic was fucking awful and unpredictable like that, and he definitely didn’t trust the witch as far as he could throw her without the suit. Someone or something else magical maybe? An Infinity Stone?

“Do I know ya?” Shit, Rogers had lost his memory too. Think Tony, think!

“Maybe? This is so fucking weird. Is your name… uh, you’ve got blood, you know, dripping down the side of your face. Maybe we should deal with that first?”

“Whadda ya think my name is?”

“Steven Rogers. With a ‘Grant’ in the middle.” Tony sort of hated that he knew that, especially when he had no clue what Pep’s middle name was.

“No ‘Grant’. Rest was right.”

“Uh… no? Your name is Steven Grant Rogers.” Howard had drilled a whole fucking lot of Steve Rogers trivia into his head before he was old enough to start resisting. He’d never imagined it might actually be useful. “Born on the fourth of July in 1918 to Sarah and Joseph Rogers. Went to art school for a while, desperate to join the war effort and in possession of a best friend named Bucky Barnes. Am I ringing any bells here?” Tony was pretty sure the answer was ‘no’, because Steve (not Rogers, he couldn’t imagine calling him Rogers when he was like this) had started frowning at the beginning of his recitation. That frown had grown deeper and deeper, and then confusion had started to creep in.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Something was really wrong here. Rogers talked about Bucky all the time when he was feeling nostalgic and not cripplingly depressed about it. Howard had mentioned him a lot too. So for Steve not to know Bucky?

“This keeps getting weirder. Okay. Maybe whatever hit you that’s got you bleeding shook your brain up enough to make you forget. Can I please take care of that now? I don’t really like you bleeding.”

“Sure Tony.” Steve sounded bemused more than anything, and that was weird too, because Rogers was usually both tightly wound and pretty damned dramatic. For him to be reacting so… calmly was severely out of character. It had to be the head wound. Had to be.

Because if it wasn’t, Tony had no idea what he’d do.

“You got a handkerchief on you? Otherwise I’ve gotta go digging for a paper towel or something.” As he spoke, he reached out and cupped Steve’s chin, carefully tipping the man’s head so he could get a look at the cut on his right temple. It was a nasty one with jagged edges, though it didn’t seem too deep. If he could get the bleeding to stop it would be alright. Probably. “Don’t think you’ll need stitches… was that a yes or a no on the handkerchief?”

“Uh… yeah. I think I… ah… yeah. Lemme check my pocket.” Was that a blush on Steve’s cheeks? This was all so fucking weird. As Steve rooted through one of his pockets, Tony grabbed the bottle of scotch – it would do in a pinch to clean it out, though it’d sting like hell. “Here – found it.” The fabric Steve shoved at him was a stark white, and the embroidered ‘Sa’ he could see peeking out from under his thumb made Tony feel kind of guilty for what he was going to do. Maybe if he got it to a cleaner quick enough, they could save it.

“This is gonna hurt,” he warned as he let go of Steve to take the handkerchief. He didn’t miss the grimace Steve gave, or the way the man thrust his chin out stubbornly.

“Ain’t the first time I been hurt, Tony, and it prolly won’t be the last neither. Let’s just get it over with.” Tony couldn’t help the way he rolled his eyes or the smile tugging at his lips. It took a lot of effort to pull his gaze away from Steve’s face, but once he managed it he soaked one corner of the handkerchief with scotch.

“Nice to see you didn’t lose that ‘fight me’ attitude along with the memory of your middle name and your best friend.”

“I’m tellin’ ya –” Steve cut himself off with a pained grunt when Tony pressed the handkerchief against that awful looking cut. He didn’t jerk away at all though, which was sort of impressive. After a few deep breaths, during which Tony concentrated on cleaning out the wound, he started to talk again. “Middle name’s Brian and my best buddy is Arnie – Arnold. Don’t know any Bucky. Stupid name anyhow. Holy shit, what’re ya usin’ there Tony?”

“Scotch. Whiskey was last night. Tomorrow it would have been tequila maybe. I’m almost done, hold on just a couple of seconds. Then we’ll address what’s wrong with your ribs and your memory. Also why you aren’t freaking out - you should be freaking and yet here you are calm and cool as a fucking cucumber. Why aren’t you freaking out?”

“Ribs’re fine. Just sore’s all. Memory’s fine too. I think yours is just messed up. Happens sometimes, and I got hit pretty hard.”

“… what? There is nothing wrong with my memory Steve. Why the hell would a hit to your head fuck up my memory? And why are you so calm? You got pulled here by some weird light, you don’t recognize me, and yet you don’t even seem to care about either of those things.”

“This ain’t even close to the weirdest thing I dreamed after passin’ out, ya know? I mean, usually I don’t hurt s’much durin’ ‘em, but I figure that since I got ya ta take care-a me it’s fine.” There was that hint of a blush again and… wait.

“You… think you’re dreaming?”

“Gotta be.” Steve sounded and looked so damned earnest that it made Tony ache. How was he supposed to burst that bubble? “Took-a pretty good hit to the head Tony. When that happens sometimes I black out for a while, ya know? An’ I always have strange dreams when it happens. So this one’s pretty normal to be honest. Be better if I wasn’t still achin’ so much.”

“Oh. Wow. Okay. Dreaming. Sure. Right.” Tony’s mind went into overdrive as he tried to figure out how to get out of this mess. Because on the one hand, he was pretty fucking sure he wasn’t just a figment of anybody’s dreaming mind – and _definitely_ not one created by Rogers. Any Rogers. Not even this tiny, adorable version of him. On the other hand, Steve was being so calm and trusting, and him not freaking out meant that Tony had a chance to check all his wounds. Plus, tiny Steve in Howard’s stories had had asthma in addition to his laundry list of other illnesses. If he started to panic it might lead to an attack, and he was fresh out of inhalers.

He’d have to get some, he thought absently. Inhalers and a real doctor to make sure Steve was okay and had what he needed. Once that was done, he’d call the Avengers and find out why they hadn’t told him Rogers wasn’t… himself.

“I. Uh. Guess I’m glad you, uh. Dreamed me up. So I could take care of you. Speaking of…” Tony pulled the handkerchief – now stained red with blood – away so he could get a look at the cut. Humoring the guy was definitely his best bet for the moment. With most of the blood out of the way, he could see the cut didn’t need stitches, but it did need a bandage. Which meant he had to get Steve to another floor – one that wasn’t destroyed and still had things in it besides broken furniture and a few half-empty bottles of alcohol.

“I’m glad too Tony. How’s it lookin’? ‘M I gonna make it?”

“You’re gonna be fine,” he answered, trying and failing to imitate that Brooklyn drawl. It made Steve grin at him though, so it was probably worth it. “How bad are your ribs though?”

“Don’t feel like they’re broken.”

“You… know what it feels like to have a broken rib?”

“Well yeah. Had ‘em a couple times. Once was the coughin’ – bad winter. Ma near ‘bout killed herself with the worryin’. Second time was those damned Tully brothers. I told ‘em to stop bothering dames when they ain’t interested, but they wouldn’t stop. So I had ta do somethin’ Tony. I just had ta.” Again with that earnest nature, wide blue eyes and all. Tony found himself nodding in agreement without really meaning to, just to keep from turning that expression into a frown. “Well I did, only they were bigger. Arnie kept ‘em from hurtin’ me too bad, but he wasn’t in time ta save the rib.”

“Jesus Steve.” The idea of him going against two other guys all on his own had Tony’s stomach tying itself in knots. And yeah, Rogers got hurt all the time, but… it was different when Tony pictured this smaller, much more breakable version getting beat up in some dirty alley. Different and awful in a way that had him cupping Steve’s chin in his hand. He just needed to check that cut out again, that was all. Definitely nothing more than that, or at least that was what he told himself. He even leaned in to do just that, ignoring the way Steve blushed and flinched away from him just a little. “Maybe you should lay off picking fights for a while, huh? Your body would thank you for it. Okay, your ribs aren’t broken according to you, but do you think you could stand?”

“’Course. It’s a dream Tony. Might hurt more’n usual, but it still ain’t real. Standin’ll be easy, just you see.” There was that stubborn set in Steve’s jaw – the one that meant Steve Rogers was going to do what Steve Rogers wanted to do, anyone else’s opinion be damned. So despite his deep misgivings, Tony sat back on his heels and ran a hand through his hair. It would be fine, he hoped. If Steve could stand, great; if not, he’d just have to be there to catch him.

Steve seemed almost surprised at the lack of protest on Tony’s part, but then he squared his shoulders in a show of bravado. Tony’s apprehension only grew when the two deep breaths Steve took were accompanied by tiny ticks in his jaw that spoke of pain. He was very tempted to tell the man to stop, but he knew that look on Steve’s face. God, did he know that look.

So he just watched like a hawk as Steve pushed himself up onto his knees – he was trembling the whole time. There he had to pause, and Tony had to bite down on one knuckle to stop himself from ordering the man back down. Steve was looking even paler than usual as he began to unsteadily rise a little further. Progress was slow – agonizingly slow, enough that Tony wanted to help him just so it would be over – but eventually it happened. Steve was on his feet, swaying like he was at sea and looking so damn proud of himself. It was sweet, in a terrifying kind of way.

“See? Standin’s easy. Got it in one.”

“Yeah,” Tony agreed, feeling fonder of Steve than he had in months. “You sure did.” Hopping to his own feet was the work of seconds. He felt a little guilty about it when he saw Steve scowling at him. Maybe he should have made more of a production out of it, but that would have been patronizing and he hated being patronized and he was pretty sure Steve would feel the same. “Now we have to keep you on your feet. Lean against me, okay? We need to get you to the elevator, then into a bed to sleep it off. Uh… or wake up once you lay down or, uh, however your uh, dreams work. I don’t know if I like being just a dream Steve.”

“Sorry Tony. I don’t make the rules, ya know? And ya want me ta…”

“Lean on me. So you don’t fall over. You gotta find your sea legs.” Now the smaller man was looking up at him, expression full of doubt – Tony probably shouldn’t enjoy being taller as much as he did. Especially not with blood starting to drip down Steve’s face again. “Come on! I won’t let you fall, Steve.” The wink he threw the man’s way made Steve go cherry red, which would have been funnier if he hadn’t also lurched and almost fallen over.

Tony was there immediately, slipping his arm around Steve’s waist to keep him from landing flat on his ass. From the sharp, hissing breath Steve took in, the move hurt him a lot more than he’d readily admit to. Small Steve was more adorable than Rogers, but he was also just as stubborn and just as exhausting to deal with. Seemingly resigned to his fate, Steve slung his own arm around Tony’s shoulders and braced himself against Tony’s side. It was something he’d clearly done before, and he hobbled across the floor to the elevator like an old pro.

The ride to Steve’s… Rogers’… Steve’s floor was quiet and felt longer than usual. It could have been the way Steve was still tucked up against him, panting shallow, pained breaths against his neck. Maybe it was the growing urgency to get something on that damned cut. It could even have been the knowledge that in the morning he was going to have to deal with this – there was no ignoring it and hoping it would go away. Tony was going to have to pretend to be able to function long enough to get Steve back to being Rogers.

Just thinking about it had him feeling so tired that his very bones hurt.

There was no sign of recognition on Steve’s face when Tony half-carried him into the bedroom. Of course, what few personal items had been in the space had been removed to the compound so maybe that shouldn’t worry him as much as it did. Thankfully, all the first aid stuff was still in place – Rogers had never been one to take care of himself after a battle. Not unless Nat nagged him into it, anyway, which didn’t happen as often as Tony would have preferred.

Steve was a lot easier to deal with; he sat quietly and let Tony work. Another round of mopping up blood and a less scotch-based cleaning of the cut had Steve flinching a little, but he didn’t utter a word of complaint or try to pretend that he was absolutely fine and didn’t need any sort of medical attention. And once Tony had carefully smoothed a bandage over it, Steve sent him a brilliant smile that may have made Tony’s heart flip over in his chest just a little. He was a sucker for people who seemed happy he was around.

“Thanks Tony.”

“No problem. What are figments of your imagination for? Now I should probably take a look at your ribs. If you’re wrong about nothing being broken, you could end up with a punctured lung.”

“Tony, I’m tellin’ ya –”

“Tell me later, shirt off now.” Again he had the pleasure of watching Steve turn bright red, and this time he crossed his arms protectively over his chest as well. “Come on – it’s just to look at your ribs, okay? I’m worried, and I don’t have Ja-” A lump appeared in his throat that prevented him from finishing the way he’d intended. “… anything to scan you with. I don’t have any way of scanning to make sure.”

Steve didn’t look convinced, and after a few seconds he shook his head. There was that jutting jaw again, and Tony gave the fight up for lost before it had even started. It would have been tiring anyway, so maybe it was for the best. “I’m just a little sore, and it’s a dream anyhow. So ya can stop worryin’ Tony. Honest.”

“Fine. If you drown in your own blood, I reserve the right to say ‘I told you so’.”

“Fair ‘nough,” Steve agreed with a boyish grin, slowly lowering his arms. “Thanks for lookin’ after me though. I appreciate it.”

“Yeah yeah. You should rest up, even if it’s just a dream.” Tony almost hoped it was – it’d be almost a relief if everything that had happened in the last couple of months (from Pepper all the way to Ultron) had just been invented to provide background for tiny Steve’s dream.

The very fact that he was thinking that way probably meant it wasn’t the case though.

Reality and logic sucked almost as much as caring.

“Alright. You gonna…”

“Gonna… what?”

“It’s nothin’. Ya can get outta here. I’ll be fine.”

“… do you want me to stay, Steve?”

“No! I mean. Nah. I’m fine. Ya can go and –”

“Do whatever imaginary people do in their spare time?”

“Yeah.”

“I think I’d rather stay put. If I get too far away I might poof, right? So I think I should probably stick around – at least until you fall asleep. Wake up. Whatever.”

“Ya really don’t gotta –”

“I want to. So stop talking and just lay down, okay? Oh, do you want to change into something more comfortable to sleep in first? I think a couple of your things are still here.”

“Nah. ‘M fine.” Steve scooted away so he could lay down; when Tony moved to get off the bed and grab a chair to sit on, the smaller man grabbed his arm. “If you’re gonna stay… might as well just… stay right there, don’tcha think?”

“… I can do that.” Just until Steve was asleep. Then he’d move to a chair… unless he really did poof. Either way, staying in Steve’s bed all night wasn’t an option. “Do you need more pillows or anything? It would help with the ache maybe if you weren’t lying flat.”

“Told ya, ‘m fine. Do ya always yammer on so much?”

“Far as I know.”

“Well stop, will ya? Gettin’ tired. Thanks again for everything. For lookin’ after me’n all. Hope I dream’a ya again.”

“Me too, Steve. Me too. For now though… go to sleep.”

As he sat quietly, watching Steve drift off, Tony felt faint stirrings of guilt. God, Rogers was in trouble, nothing like himself, and he was scum for enjoying the change. Not only that, but he’d failed his friend. His sort-of friend. Ex-teammate. Whatever. If he’d cleaned up the tower and installed FRIDAY, he’d know if any of Steve’s ribs were actually broken. He could have an AI monitoring the man through the night just in case. If he’d just picked himself up and pushed forward like he’d always managed to do before, he could actually _help_ Steve.

He was so tired of being a failure. Tony was tired of letting everyone down, through both action and inaction. He was just so damned tired.

Whatever. He’d deal with it all in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Second chapter! Thanks again to the amazing KiernaSerea for being my beta! <3 <3
> 
> Comments maybe? :D

Pain was nothing new in the life of Steven Brian Rogers. There wasn't a day he could remember when _something_ didn't hurt or burn or throb. So it wasn't the dull ache in his ribs that woke him, or the sharp, stinging pain over his right eye. The heavy weight of an arm around his waist didn't do it either. Not when he'd spent most of his childhood having to sleep in the same bed as his ma, then crawling into bed with Arnie when the winter nights got too cold once they'd moved in together as teenagers. He sort of liked it, once he was aware enough to register the feeling. Steve didn't mind the way whoever was spooned up against him was breathing hot and damp on his neck either.

What bothered him, the thing that was strange enough to wake him, was his mattress. Sara Rogers hadn't been able to afford anything more than a thin cotton mattress and the iron frame he could feel beneath it, digging into his flesh. At least she could make quilts and things to keep them warm in the winter; he and Arnie had managed to get mattresses a little thicker, but they were both all thumbs when it came to trying to repair Sara's quilts and they couldn't buy new ones. They shivered their way through most nights, and it was enough to make Steve miss that lumpy, hard bed from his childhood.

The mattress beneath him just then was _heaven_. It was so nice he could almost believe he'd died and St. Peter had allowed him a little nap before announcing his fate. There wasn't an ache in his back or a crick in his neck, which was a little jarring. The pillowcase was smooth and cool under his cheek, smelling faintly of fresh soap and something deeper, more woodsy. And may his poor ma's dead departed soul forgive him, but the blanket he was snuggled under was warmer and more comfortable than any of her quilts.

So much luxury was foreign, and it made the hairs on his arms stand up from nerves. The longer he was awake, the more Steve realized that he had to be in a bed that belonged to someone far more wealthy than he, and he had no business being there. Such comfort and excess weren't for the likes of him, and even if it was heavenly he needed to leave.

To do that, there was the small matter of dealing with the arm draped over him. It didn't belong to Arnie, that was for sure. It wasn't thin and bony enough, for one thing. When Steve peeked down at it, keeping his eyes open for no longer than a handful of heartbeats, he took in everything he could about the weight holding him down. The arm was... well. Very nicely muscled, a thought that turned his cheeks warm, one that he reflexively shied away from. The man - it had to be a man - was several shades darker than Arnie, missing the heavy dusting of freckles that covered his best friend's milky skin, and his hands bore the callouses of a working man. Was this his rich host despite that evidence to the contrary?

The thought sent a wave of hot shame and horror through him. Arnie and a few of their other friends had whispered about wealthy men who would prowl the establishments they visited. Such men would find a 'toy' to take home and have fun with before tossing them back out into the street with nothing more than a shameful memory of disappointed hope. Men like that were never interested in more than a quick, secret tumble they'd hide even from their family and closest friends. Steve only went out to pubs or bars with Arnie on occasion - had the night before been one of those times? Had he had too much to drink and fallen for some rich man's honeyed lies?

But no, he couldn't feel any of the usual aftereffects of too much alcohol he was plagued with after a night of too much indulgence. Neither was he sore in the way he knew he would be if he'd passed the night being the plaything of some rich man who'd sweet-talked him. So where was he and why was he there? And why did he feel like he'd gone a few rounds with someone and been licked?

The night before came tumbling back in a mess of sensations and images and sounds. He'd heard a few ne'er do wells talking poorly about the men that were signing up hoping to go fight the war that had consumed Europe, the fight the US hadn't officially entered yet. Steve never took kindly to such talk about servicemen, and now that Arnie'd signed up his tolerance for it was even lower. He'd told them to stop flapping their gums and they'd taken exception to him. They hadn't quite beaten the tar out of him and he'd gotten a few good hits in himself, but a kick to the ribs and a swipe of a broken bottle over his temple had made him go down hard. Then he'd felt someone tugging him and the world had gotten so bright... Then he'd had the most realistic dream he could ever recall having.

Steve went tense as his mind entertained the outrageous though that maybe it hadn't been a dream at all. Maybe he really had been surrounded by a green light before he'd gone unconscious, and maybe he had been taken somewhere strange. Maybe he had met a man named Tony... a man who just might be the one nuzzling his neck as he slept. He went cold then hot as a blush of embarrassment sprang to his cheeks and washed downward. As quickly as his aching ribs would allow, Steve bolted out from under Tony's arm and tumbled off the bed. Panic and embarrassment over his foolishness making him breathe a little fast, he whirled around to study the man still in bed, laying on top of the covers.

For a man with such a wonderful bed, Tony sure did look exhausted. Also scruffy and sorta... well, he didn't like to be unkind, but Tony seemed a little on the unclean side, he decided with a wrinkle of his nose. His hair was greasy and unkempt, he was emitting a faint but unpleasant odor, and his clothes were wrinkled and dirty. Beneath it all though, Steve could see that his 'dream man' was very handsome. Maybe even beautiful, once he got cleaned up.

Steve's sudden disappearance caused Tony to turn, a frown crossing his full (if chapped and cracked) lips. His hand roamed over the mattress like he was searching for someone. On finding nothing, a sound of distress left him. "Jay..." The man groaned, tugging at the covers with one hand while his other arm flopped over his eyes to shield them from the sun streaming through the window. "Blinds. And where's Pep?" Tony's voice was thick and slow from sleep, and he seemed to be waiting for an answer.  
Was Tony talking to him?

Before he could venture a hesitant response, Tony spoke again. "Jay - _blinds_. ... Jay? JARVIS?" His voice cracked on the last word, his grief and sorrow palpable. It tugged at Steve's heart, especially when it seemed like Tony might have started crying, arm sliding down so he could cover his face with his hand instead. "JARVIS... God, you're gone. How could I forget you're _gone_?"

It was more than Steve could bear, especially since he could remember Tony taking such good care of him the night before. Moving slowly, he eased himself onto the edge of the bed, perching there a bit uneasily. Tony went abruptly still when the mattress dipped; the hand on his face went tense enough that his nails began to dig into his skin. Undeterred, Steve reached out to lay his hand companionably on Tony's shoulder.

"Hey... easy there Tony. 'S okay. 'M not Jay and I dunno whatta 'Pep' is, but I'm still here. Gotta be better'n nothin'." For several moments that felt like a lifetime, Tony didn't answer. Steve could almost feel when everything clicked into place in the guy's mind. Tony sighed and relaxed, thought he didn't move his hand, keeping his face covered. 

"Steve. Tiny adorable Steve." A warm blush of pleasure competed fiercely with a scowl of indignation on Steve's face. He wasn't tiny _or_ adorable! Maybe he was on the small side, fine, but he definitely wasn't adorable. Not even a little. "That's right. Forgot you were here. Just like I forgot Jay's dead and Pepper's gone." The dull, lifeless tone of his voice was the complete opposite of the babble he'd spouted during their first meeting. It was doubly concerning because Tony was clearly grieving - suddenly his shabby appearance made complete sense to Steve, and a flood of understanding filled him. Steve hadn't felt much like keeping clean and well-groomed himself after his ma's death, after all. "Dream's are a bitch, tiny Steve. Do you know that you aren't in one yet?"

Steve's whole face went hot with enough embarrassment to drown out his feelings of empathy. The feeling coiled unpleasantly in his stomach, and all he wanted to do was hide away until Tony forgot what a nitwit he was. He hated making a fool of himself - he had a hard enough time getting people to take him seriously as it was. "Yeah. 'S real, all of it. Shoulda known from all the achin'. Dreams're usually not so painful. Tony gave a humorless laugh that sent shivers down his spine and caused him to squeeze Tony's shoulder tightly.

"Until you wake up from them anyway. Then they hurt like a son of a bitch."

"Uh... I don't..."

"Sorry. I don't mean to... sorry." Tony finally dragged his hand down his face, rubbing his mouth as he fixed his gaze on Steve. "Sorry I wasn't a dream. you must be pretty disappointed to see me instead of Sam and Nat." Who? Steve frowned as he shook that question off and started to rub Tony's shoulder in what he hoped was a soothing manner. He just seemed so _sad_ , and Steve remembered being there. He found himself wanting to help, but not sure how he could.

"Why'd I be disappointed? Ya took care-a me and all. Didn't even fight me 'bout whether or not I was dreamin' or not, which was nice-a ya." Tony gave a small, crooked grin but it faded quickly. "Can't believe I thought that," he admitted, making a face. "All that light prolly shoulda been a clue." He shied away from thinking about the light or the tugging sensation he'd felt after it started. Steve didn't have any idea what had happened or how or why and even thinking about it a little sent panic clawing around in his lungs.

"I thought the light was coming from a helicopter at first. Or I wanted it to be that." Tony stared up at the ceiling for a while, then heaved the biggest sigh Steve had ever heard. "Okay. Let's... let's get up and handle this." Pretty sure he was talking to himself anyhow, Steve chose not to answer. He'd seen seventy year olds move with more ease and vigor than Tony demonstrated as he got out of bed. Just the act of sitting up seemed to take just about everything he had; once he'd swung his legs over the edge of the bed, he stayed there for a long time, hunched over and breathing deep.

Steve could be patient - sometimes - and he waited without comment until Tony finally rose to his feet. He needed to remember that Tony was struggling and snapping at him wouldn't help. It was just... he watched as the man stretched his lower back, then scrubbed both hands over his face. Even once that was done, he made no move to get going, choosing instead to stare at a wall. "We goin' somewhere?" he demanded when his irritation finally boiled over - so much for patience. He immediately felt awful too, because Tony flinched back from the mild chastisement like Steve had struck him.

"Right. Yeah. We should... we should check on your cut. Or let's just get one of the doctors from SI to take a look at that and your ribs. They can also figure out what we need to buy and do to keep you healthy." Tony was babbling, sorta, but it was different than it had been before. The words were rushed but jilted, movements quick but stilted, and Steve felt like a complete jerk. "Then I'll call Nat. Or maybe I should do that while the doctor looks at you. She'll be glad to know where you are, I bet - don't know why she didn't call me in on this-"

"Tony, woah!" As the guy walked past him, Steve grabbed hold of his arm. "Slow down a bit, would ya? 'M not mad or nothin'. Don't need a doctor though," those were expensive, and he couldn't let Tony foot the bill no matter how rich he might be. "And who's Nat?"

Tony, who'd been staring at Steve's hand on his arm, met his eyes and blinked. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the dark strands. "Shit. I forgot the memory loss thing."

Now Steve found himself frowning again - what the hell was he talking about? "Memory's fine, Tony. Just dunno any Nat."

"Steve. Nat's been your friend for years now. See? Memory problems."

"'M tellin' ya-" Steve stopped himself and took a breath, trying to bite back his annoyance. "I never met nobody called Nat."

"Just like your best friend's name wasn't Bucky Barnes."

"Like I told ya last night - my best friend is Arnie Roth! I'd remember somebody called 'Bucky'. I think mebbe ya got me confused with somebody else."

"Somebody else conveniently named Steven Grant Rogers. Right."

"My middle name is Brian!" Too loud - that had been too loud and too aggressive. He could see it in the way Tony shied away from him, and in the carefully blank look on his face. "Tony, I-"

"Let's just agree to disagree, alright? That's always been the best course for us. Do you want to shower before you see the doctor? Or taking a bath would probably be better, so you don't get that cut wet." Despite the steady flow of words, Tony was back to speaking in mostly monotone. He wouldn't look at Steve either - it was sorta like he'd tucked and hidden away the most essential parts of himself so Steve wouldn't hurt them. It wasn't a nice thought, but he didn't know how to fix it.

"... don't need a bath or a doctor," he told Tony using the same tone of voice he'd use to address a spooked horse. "I'm fine Tony. I mean, if you want to take one-"

"Fine, you don't have to take a bath, but you are seeing a doctor. Now come on. The medical unit is quite a way down. We need to use the elevator."

"Tony-" The man pulled away completely and walked out of the room, leaving Steve no choice but to bite his lower lip against his anger and follow after him. Steve pulled up short, however, when he saw the 'elevator' Tony had led him to. It wasn't like anything he'd ever seen, with shiny metal doors that slid open like magic. There wasn't a metal frame to keep them in or an operator that he could see. Now Steve felt like _he_ was a startled horse, balking at the sight of something strange and vaguely frightening. "That's not-" His voice was a little too high, so he cleared his throat and tried again. "That's not an elevator."

Impatience broke Tony's blank mask, and he shot a glare Steve's way before answering. "It is so - don't try to pretend you don't remember our 'new-fangled' elevators, Steven. You rode it last night."

Had he? Everything after he'd decided to stand up without assistance was a bit fuzzy. He remembered that everything had felt real for a dream, but he couldn't quite remember everything that had happened. If Tony had led him to the 'elevator', he probably had just followed after him... fully awake and aware, though, he knew better.

"Looks like a coffin. I ain't gettin' in that thing. I'll take the stairs, if it's all the same ta ya."

"Steve." Tony pinched the bridge of his nose, looking so tired and so done with him that he almost felt bad for his contrariness. Almost - he still wasn't getting in that deathtrap. "It's _sixty flights_ down. Sixty. Then sixty back up to your floor - even more if you’re hungry and we have to hunt down a kitchen that has food in it to hold you over until I can get takeout. Without the serum-"

"What're you _talking_ about?" Beyond the mention of some serum he was supposed to have, the idea of more than sixty floors in one building was enough to make him gape.

"Jesus fuck." Tony took a deep breath, maybe against his blasphemy or maybe to fortify himself... and then ended up leaning against the wall, forehead pressed to it. "Steve. You need to see a doctor." He said tonelessly, not even darting his eyes Steve's way. "You cannot handle that many stairs, not with all your pre-serum issues. If you try and you can't make it, I don't have it in me to lug you up more than half a flight. So you are going to get in that elevator to see a doctor. If you are not in it by the time I manage to straighten up again, then I will pick you up and carry you into it myself." A bit of emotion had begun to creep back into his voice about halfway through. It wasn't anything to celebrate though, because it had been all anger until he got to his threat, when he sounded exhausted by the very idea of carrying it out. So even though the thought of being carted around like a sack of potatoes made his blood boil, Steve didn't lash out. It'd be like beating a cowering dog, and Steve didn't condone such cruelty.

Still.

"Ya sure it's an elevator?" he asked, edging a little closer. Surely Tony would appreciate the effort, even if he couldn't bring himself to go in just yet.

"Yes, Steve. It's a goddamn elevator."

"So it ain't the deathtrap it looks like?'

"Jesus Christ." Tony took the Lord's name in vain pretty regularly - Sara Rogers would have run out of soap trying to wash the sin outta his mouth. "I designed it Steve, I know just how safe it is, alright? It's not going to go into freefall or whatever the fuck other catastrophe you have in mind. I know how it works, and I know you don't trust me very much after my latest fuck-up, but I would appreciate it if you would just _get on the damn elevator_."

Steve went.

When Tony stepped in after him, the doors slid shut again, smooth as anything. There were buttons, but Tony didn't reach for them right away. "Take us to medical, Ja-" Tony caught himself, expression going wooden. He jabbed one of the buttons harder than was probably necessary and settled into a stony, forbidding silence. Whoever this 'Jay' or 'JARVIS' was, Tony clearly missed him an awful lot. Had to be a fresh loss too, with the way he kept forgetting the guy was gone.

Steve decided pretty quick that he didn't like this 'new-fangled' elevator of Tony's. He didn't like how the metal box didn't shake or tremble, and he didn't like that he couldn't see floors passing by as a sign they were actually moving. There was only the faintest sensation of sinking down, one that made him feel a little queasy; that and a single light that moved between floor numbers gave any hint that they might be going somewhere.

Tony's version of an elevator was as luxurious and jarring as a soft, heavenly bed. It wasn't right, any of it... and Steve was getting an awful feeling that he might be further away from home than he'd thought. Unnerved, he scooted a little closer to Tony - the man briefly looked over at him, but didn't object. Even when Steve took hold of his forearm for comfort, Tony didn't step away or shake him off. They weren't friends, because they'd only just met no matter what Tony thought, but he didn't seem to mind Steve casually touching him like they were. He had to be friends with 'Steven Grant Rogers', whoever he was, and that friendship might extend to Steve Brian Rogers. It was sorta nice, thinking that he might have somebody who'd be with him while he tried to sort this mess out.

Staring at the moving light as a way to convince himself they really were moving turned out to be a bad idea. After it shifted a few times, the queasy feeling in his stomach got worse, and he felt a bit dizzy - he even started to sway a little from the feeling. Tony didn't tease him for being weak or berate him at all. He just shifted his arm so Steve would let go and he could take hold of Steve's hand instead. Deciding that if he was in for a penny he was in for a pound, he leaned so he could rest his forehead against Tony's upper arm and closed his eyes.

"I don't like your idea of a elevator, Tony." His host's only response was a quiet chuckle that he seemed almost surprised to be giving. Tony's support and keeping his eyes closed was helping him not feel so dizzy, so he was thankful for that. If Steve was enjoying touching him just a little bit too much, or if there was a faint feeling of heat in his cheeks, well. That was nobody's business but his own.

~.~.~

Steve's doctor was a _lady_ , which was actually the most normal thing he'd seen since stepping out of the elevator. He'd come to the terrible realization that he wasn't just in the wrong _place_ \- Steve was pretty damn sure he was in the wrong _time_. Because no one else seemed shocked or awed by the brightness of the lights or the the amazing machines that his _lady doctor_ had used to begin assessing him. Neither she nor Tony acted as if tapping information on some flat little rectangle and having it get sent _through the air_ to somewhere else was nothing short of a miracle. They didn't seem to revel in the excess he could see everywhere, and discussed things that were only dreams when he was from like they weren't anything.

He struggled to seem as unimpressed by it all as they were... but it was hard. How could they take so much for granted? Sara Rogers would have given a lot for the hospital she'd worked for to have even half the things he could see. _He_ would give a lot for such clear, bright lights - the single lamp in the room where he spent his spare time drawing threw off a weak light that had a yellow cast. It made it hard, sometimes, to get the colors right and he always had trouble making out smaller details. He might consider murdering a few, select people to get his hands on a couple of the lights like the ones in the ceiling for his and Arnie's apartment.

The hospital gown his lady doctor had given him to wear was made of better material than his thin sheets at home. Despite being in only that and his shorts, he was warm. The room was almost blindingly clean and bright, and filled with machines that looked straight like they'd come out of a comic with uses he couldn't even guess at.

But all of it was normal... or at least it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be something he was used to. If he revealed to his smiling doctor that he was pretty sure he'd traveled through time, he suspected she'd be obligated to commit him. Steve had zero interest in seeing the inside of a mental institution, which meant he needed to keep his trap shut tight and act like he didn't find any of this even remotely strange.

So he did his best not to stare too much and didn't let on that he'd never heard of a dame becoming a doctor before. He bit his lower lip to keep all the questions he had from spilling out, which had the added benefit of hiding the way it would have trembled otherwise. When he got the urge to laugh - one that would be too brash, too loud, too out of place - he dug his nails into his palms and just smiled. Steve used every trick that he'd ever learned to manage his asthma just to keep his breath even. He seemed to be fooling the doctor, because she didn't ask him anything about his state of mind. She just kept running through a list of questions to determine his physical wellness, taking notes on her magical little box.

Steve suppressed another urge to start giggling, breath stuttering as he lost mental count of his breathing. That turned to a cough, which seemed to alarm the doctor. She frowned and stepped forward, maybe to try and help him. He held up a finger, proud as anything that it wasn't shaking, and offered her the best smile he could manage just then. She followed that silent plea, watching him carefully as he got himself back under control. Once he'd sucked in three deep, cough free breaths, Steve knew he was in the clear.

"Sorry. Air went down funny."

"It's fine. I was only worried it might devolve into an attack."

"No ma'am." She smiled at him, and he returned it while doing his best not let on that he wanted to _run_ because none of this was normal. She came close and began pressing down on assessing his lymph nodes, and Steve turned his attention to Tony.

The man was fiddling with a rectangle even smaller than the doctor's, one the young man in a suit who'd delivered it into Tony's waiting hands called Tony's 'backup phone'. There wasn't even a cord, but the doctor's rectangle didn't have one either. So maybe the tiny gadget really was a phone, because nothing looked like it was supposed to anymore. So yeah, a phone - why not? Pretty soon they'd be telling him that space travel was a regular thing, and ask him if he'd like to take a little trip to the moon.

Tony's face was full of some complicated emotion as he kept tossing the 'phone' from hand to hand. Whatever he was mumbling to himself probably wasn't anything good, and Steve wished he could hear it and refute it. Mostly because his host had pulled inward again - he looked almost as small as Steve was, shoulders hunched and his whole body pulling in toward his center. It sort of looked like he might be sweating, which was weird because Steve thought the temperature of the room was just right. Tony looked... he looked unwell, so much so that Steve sorta wanted to tuck him into bed, feed him chicken broth and read aloud from an old, battered copy of 'The Sun Also Rises' until Tony fell asleep. That was just the Sara Rogers in him shining through, he guessed.

Finally, as the doctor helped Steve carefully lay on his stomach so she could gently poke and prod at his spine, Tony seemed to get up the courage to do... whatever he'd been trying to get the nerve to do. He took a breath under Steve's watchful eye and swiped one thumb over the surface of the 'phone'. This time Steve could hear him loud and clear when he started talking.

"Hey Natasha! Sorry to call and interrupt your exciting work as the Avengers' babysitter." It struck Steve as dead wrong, the way Tony forced his voice into a happy, excited tone. Sure he sounded mostly okay, but that juxtaposed with the pained, deeply miserable expression on his face was just... it was _wrong_. It was even worse when he laughed at whatever this 'Natasha' lady had said, because you weren't supposed to flinch like that when you laughed. "Right, right. Glad to hear Wanda's learning how to work with the team so well." When the name 'Wanda' passed his lips, a spasm of fear, maybe even terror, crossed his face.

That had Steve frowning and ready to fight. Tony'd taken care of him, had even gotten a doctor for him, and he hadn't had to do any of it. Tony hadn't needed to do one thing for him and would have been well within his right to toss Steve out on his rear. Maybe he didn't know much about Tony, but what he'd seen so far revealed a kind but struggling fella. Steve'd have a bone to pick with anyone who made Tony look so scared, and he'd make damned sure it never happened again. And he didn't care if that Wanda was a dame, he'd fight her for Tony.

Well, maybe not with his fists, 'cause a gentleman didn't hit a lady. Arnie'd cuff his ear and his poor ma'd turn in her grave if Steve struck a dame, no matter how bad her behavior was. He'd sure give that Wanda a piece of his mind though.

"I did actually call fo- no. No I don't want to come back to the team." The warmth in Tony's voice was suddenly real, and something like hope had entered his face. "I"m sure. You've got enough on your hands without dealing with an egomaniac like me." The put down of himself was a tease, and there was a small smile on his face. Steve was suddenly and irrationally jealous of the woman named Natasha.

Even as the doctor helped him sit up - slowly, so he wouldn't agitate his ribs any more than necessary - the whole of his attention was fixed on Tony. Tony, whose fledgling happiness had died swiftly, a stricken look taking it's place briefly before he closed his eyes. "No, Pep's fine. Still looking for the right farm for her. No. I'm calling about something else, Nat."

Suddenly Tony stood a little taller, looking stern - Steve wondered if this was a tiny glimpse of the 'superhero' Tony had claimed not to be anymore. "Why didn't you tell me Rogers was missing and de-serumed? I know I'm not on the team, but if anything- you can always call me in when one of you is in trouble... ... Nat, yes he - don't try to pretend. Natasha, why are you lyi- ... ... Rogers." Tony pivoted to face Steve, eyes wide with surprise and slowly dawning understanding. "Hey. Yeah, it's good to talk to you too buddy. No no... I just. It must have been a dream. A really realistic one. ... Yeah, I did have a lot to drink." Tony's laugh was hollow, but Steve didn't know if that would be obvious over the phone. "You know me, always the life of the party. Yeah. Yeah. I understand - get back to training with your team. Hey, don't be a stranger, okay? Say bye to Nat for me. Yeah. You too Rogers."

Apparently having hung up, Tony slowly lowered his arm, still staring at Steve. "Hey doc?" he asked, voice sounding a little hoarse. "Can you give us a minute?" The doctor pulled away from Steve, frowning a little before nodding reluctantly.

"I suppose that would be fine. I can go send in the final orders for meds and test in my office. Just bring Steve back down here tomorrow please? I'll send an inhaler and some pain medication with you when you leave today - that should tide him over until you bring him back. Steve, if I don't see you before you head out - it was lovely to meet you, and I'll have a course of treatment ready to go over with you when I see you tomorrow."

"Thanks," he and Tony chorused, the other man not even glancing at the doctor while Steve waved as she left the room. Once they were alone, Tony slowly approached him, getting closer and closer. He didn't stop until he had Steve caged in; Tony was so close that he was between Steve's legs, and had his hands pressed flat on the exam table on either side of Steve's hips. "Your name _isn't_ Steven Grant Rogers." he rasped, looking like his whole world had just been turned upside down.

"Been try'n ta tell ya that."

"And your best friend-"

"Is Arnie Roth. Ma's name was Sara, but my da was called William, not Joseph."

"Fuck." Tony whispered, softly but with great feeling. "You're not... I mean, you are Steve Rogers, but not... fucking _fuck_. I don't have the energy for this." When he sagged forward, he got even closer - almost to the right angle for a kiss. If Steve tipped his head just a little... the weary, burdened look on Tony's face and the faintly sour odor wafting from him snapped Steve back into the real world. Tony was clearly struggling, and instead-a molesting the guy, he should be offering support. So instead of trying for that kiss, Steve reached up and settled his hands on Tony's shoulders.

"Sorry, Tony. Don't mean ta make your life any harder'n it has ta be." The man sent him a disbelieving look before chuckling quietly.

"It's not your fault, unless you ripped open a hole in time and space to send yourself here and you didn't tell me about it."

"Don't know the first thing 'bout try'n ta do any-a that."

"Then you have nothing to apologize for," Tony was grinning a little, and he was still so close, Steve really needed to get a handle on his attraction, or he'd forget himself. Even dirty, exhausted and smelly he took Steve's breath away. Heaven and all its angels help him once Tony cleaned himself up. "Wait... what year is i- I mean, what year are you from?"

"1940. 'S June there. An-"

"Jesus fuck," Tony interrupted, collapsing even farther forward than the last time. This time his forehead touched Steve's shoulder, and Tony seemed to decide that he could use the help supporting his head, because he stayed and even rested there a bit heavier. Steve wanted to cradle the back of his neck and maybe kiss the crown of his head, and oh, he was in so much trouble. Prob'ly any fool could see his admiration for Tony - Arnie'd yell himself hoarse at Steve for being so obvious... but he'd never been good at tucking his heart under his sleeve. "You're from... fuck. I've just been dragging you along, and I didn't... fuck. Steve, you must be... shit. Holy fucking shit. No wonder you were so weird about the elevator. Fuck. I didn't realize... shit, I'm so fucking..."

As Tony mumbled, Steve couldn't help but start to rub his shoulders. It was a way to calm Tony down, sure, but he was also trying to keep himself together too. The more upset Tony seemed, the more this all felt real and the more he understood how dire his situation might actually be. He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to admit how little control he had. Steve didn't want to admit that part of him just wanted to curl up into a little ball and give into the shakes that had been threatening for almost an hour now. Steve hated the way the small hairs on the back of his neck had been upright and quivering since he'd realized how far away from home he had to be. His heart had been beating a little faster than usual for too long now, but it just wouldn't slow down, and having Tony fall apart after realizing the same thing was not going to help him at all.

Steve was in a strange place full of technology he couldn't understand, with no idea of how to get home again. He didn't have any money or anything at all other than the clothes he'd had on his back when he arrived through that green light. So far his only saving grace had been Tony's kindness and the offer of friendship Steve hadn't really deserved. Now Tony was clearly unnerved by his insane scenario, and Steve didn't know if he could deal with his unwilling trip to a strange future if he lost either of those things.

"... hey Tony?"

"What can I do for you, Tiny Steve?"

"What year is it, and did we get to space yet?"

For some reason, that made Tony start to laugh. He laughed too loud, too brash, too bright, the way Steve had been afraid he would laugh earlier. He wasn't sure exactly why, but he found himself joining in - maybe all the jittery, aimless energy in him just needed a way out. They both laughed so hard tears came to their eyes, then kept going. Eventually, Steve didn't know if he was really still laughing, or if he'd started to cry.

All he knew, all that mattered, was that he and Tony were clinging to each other tightly. They'd both given into the shakes that Steve had been so eager to avoid earlier, but it wasn't so bad, not with Tony right there with him doing the same thing. Maybe it was because Steve wasn't alone - neither of them were.

~.~.~

Steve was hungry after they were finished with the doctor, just like Tony'd thought he would be. After another nerve-wracking trip in the elevator (during which Tony had been the one to take his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze without comment), Steve was expecting another marvel to be revealed. To know he was _in the future_ , and another world at that, was starting to become as exciting as it was terrifying. If the doctor's office had held so many wonders, what might be in the rest of Tony's extremely tall tower?

He was let down horribly when the doors opened up to reveal the destroyed room that had been his first glimpse of this future. It was made worse, not better, by the sunlight streaming in through windows that took up whole walls. Steve could see shattered glass and twisted metal, splintered furniture, scorch marks, and what he was pretty sure were a few smears of dried blood. It was the complete opposite of the doctors office, of what Steve had expected the whole future to be like.

Tony led him out of the elevator, then let go of his hand to walk through the disaster. He was still barefoot and less than careful; Steve cringed to think how many splinters of various sharp materials Tony'd probably gotten from this awful place. The most extraordinary thing, in Steve's opinion, was how little it all seemed to affect his host. Tony acted like this ruined, _disgusting_ room was as normal as tiny phones, lady doctors, and small things called inhalers that would help him breathe. That couldn't be the case. He refused to believe people of the future lived in such filth.

Either way, Steven Brian Rogers was ready to roll up his sleeves and declare war on behalf of cleanliness.

Tony didn't even seem to realize that Steve was still standing just outside the elevator, gaping. "The fridge was shot," he was saying as he wove his way around what had to be the corpse of said refrigerator. "But there's some stuff left in the cabinets, I think. Mostly crackers and pretzels. I ate all the cheezies... anyway, it's just until I have Ja-" Tony snapped his mouth shut and grabbed hold of the counter. "Until _I_ call for takeout."

The room turned to a distant thought in his mind - Tony's palpable grief was more important. He picked his way over to the man as quickly as he could manage. He didn't know if he'd been quiet or if Tony was lost in thought, because the man jumped a little when Steve laid a hand on his arm. "This mornin' ya said... that JARVIS was dead. How long's it been?" Tony stared down at him like he didn't believe what he was hearing, then slowly shook his head.

"You don't know. I forgot you wouldn't know. I... JARVIS was my... he was only an AI - artificial intelligence." Tony finished dully, returning to staring at the cabinets. The words didn't sound like his own, and Steve wondered if he was saying what he thought he was _supposed_ to be saying. "He wasn't... wasn't real. And when I say he 'died', that isn't... it isn't right. Not technically. His coding was just... it was destroyed and corrupted and... and his servers were... the data that compiled who he was is gone. He's... I should say he's 'broken' or 'offline', not dead. He wasn't a person." Tony'd started to pick at the counter listlessly, looking at something that was a thousand miles away.

"Okay. JARVIS was an AI. But he had a name-"

"Just A Rather Very Intelligent System," Tony whispered, a misty smile appearing on his face. "It had to be JARVIS, so I-" Again he clammed up, like he'd been caught saying something he shouldn't... or maybe something that hurt too much to talk about.

"Right - a name. Important one too, from the sound-a it. And ya call him a 'him'." Tony looked over at him, brow furrowed. Steve offered a smile that he hoped looked even half as kind as Tony'd been to him since his arrival. He slid his hand up to grip Tony's shoulder, keeping their gazes locked. "So AI'r no-" Mary Mother of God was that like a robot? Did Tony have robots? "Sound like he was a person ta me. Didja love him?"

"... yeah. Yeah I did." Tears stood out starkly in Tony's eyes, and Steve could feel him shaking. "Jay was... yeah. I loved him. Still do."

"Then the technical terms don't mean shit. Ya loved him and he's gone. Ya got every right ta grieve that, Tony." He watched a single tear slide down the other man's cheek, curving as it fell to catch on Tony's trembling lower lip. "How long's it been since ya lost him?"

"... month and a half, about," he answered, voice rough and a few more tears dripping down his face. Those were the ones he seemed to feel, because he lifted a hand to wipe them away, giving a wet, desperate laugh. "God. So fucking stupid. He... he was only an AI, and... and the Vision is still here, even if he's not... he's not. But Jay wasn't... he wasn't _real_ but he was _mine_ and I miss him Steve," he finally admitted, folding over abruptly, collapsing forward to let his upper body drape over the counter. "I miss him so fucking much, and no one else even cares he's _gone_."

With that, Tony was sobbing in great, broken heaves. All Steve could do was rub his hands over Tony's back and encourage him to let it out. He lost track of time as Tony lost himself in his grief. It was such a huge, emotional outpouring that Steve wondered if this was the first time that Tony had let himself really feel his grief. The light coming through the windows had changed, and Steve's dry mouth had forced him to start humming instead of speaking before Tony's weeping finally came to a rough, ragged end.

Hearing that, Steve slid one hand into Tony's hair, ignoring the greasy feel of it. He just lightly scraped his nails over Tony's scalp exactly the way his ma'd done for him whenever he'd been especially sick. He'd always found it soothing, and he hoped he could offer even just a small piece of that feeling to Tony. If they weren't in the room from Hell, he'd have bundled Tony onto a couch and maybe made him some tea - chamomile, like his ma's. As it was, he'd be lucky to find a glass to fill up with water.

Tony didn't seem to mind though, only shifted a little to lean into his touch. "Sorry," he whispered, which just about broke Steve's heart.

"No 'sorry's for cryin'," Steve told him softly, rubbing Tony's shoulder with his free hand. "Ma always said ya gotta get the grief out b'fore it turns even the good memories sour. Think I cried every day for a month after she passed on."

"Did it help?" Tony asked in a rasp, not looking up at him. "Because right now I just feel like shit. I liked not crying better."

"Dunno, really. But I can talk 'bout her without fallin' apart, and most times when she's in my mind, 'm smilin'. So I think mebbe she was right." Tony made a noise he couldn't decipher, the rolled his head just enough to fix Steve with one puffy, red-rimmed eye.

"It'd be nice to smile again when I think about him," Tony allowed before burying his head in his arms again.

"Well there ya go. Now c'mon Tony. Let's get ya sittin' down, huh? You're gonna throw out your back, stayin' like that so long." The man grunted but didn't move; when Steve pulled his hands away, Tony whined and tried to follow them without standing straight. Part of his heart crumbled, but Steve stayed strong. "I'll start up again when ya come sit," he coaxed, then turned to look at the still-destroyed room they were in. The frown on his face was pure 'disapproving William Rogers', but he couldn't help it. 

"Tony. 'S this really where ya stay?"

"Most of the time."

'What about the other times?"

"Don't wanna go up there."

"Ya need ta sit, Tony," he started, trying his best to hide his exasperation. Tony was grieving and clearly unwell - Steve couldn't expect him to hop right up and run for the things that might help him feel better. Wallowing, he knew from experience, was much more tempting and so much easier. "C'mon. You'll feel better after ya sit. Mebbe ya could even take a bath'r somethin'. I always feel better when 'm clean."

"You trying to take care of me, Tiny Steve?"

"Somebody's gotta, so I'm it."

"I don't like to go up there. Jay's dead and Pepper's gone - which she should be, we're better when we're friends, but some of her things are still... everybody leaves and Jay... I forget more, up there. It's... it's too quiet and it still feels like they should be there but they aren't, and- no. I don't want to stay up there. I can't stay up there Steve."

"Tony. I'll stay with ya the whole time, alright? Ya can't avoid it forever. 'S not good for ya. Please? Can ya try? Mebbe it won't be as bad as ya think it'll be."

After a long silence where Steve had to battle the urge to push, Tony finally lifted himself up off the counter. "Fine," he agreed softly, defeat rolling off him in waves. "But only to grab some clothes and maybe some food, okay? Since you hate this floor so much and I can't stay up there, we'll go back to your... to Steve G's floor. He left though, so it can be yours now. Okay? That's all you're getting from me, Tiny Steve."

"Could ya stop calling me that?" Steve asked as he reached out again, this time to us one hand (the one free of Tony's hair grease) to gently wipe some of the tear tracks from the man's face. "'M not tiny."

"Yeah you are. Tiny and adorable."

"Shut up, ya jerk." Rolling his eyes and fighting a blush, Steve grabbed Tony's hand and started for that awful elevator... only to be brought up short when Tony didn't follow. Half-turning, he scowled at the man, who was watching him closely.

"You touch me an awful lot. People don't... that's not usually how things are done here. Is it normal when and where you're from?" Steve felt his cheeks grow hot, because he knew he was enjoying what oughta be a platonic touch more than he should. Still, he shrugged in an effort to keep Tony from realizing that.

"I know we just met'n all, but I think-a you as a friend. Friends touch - 's comforting, and ya should show your friends affection anyhow." He looked down at their joined hands, doing his best to ignore the disappointment welling up in his chest. "I mean... if ya don't like it-"

"No! It's..." Tony stopped, then shifted his hand so he could hold onto Steve's more firmly. "It's fine. Nice. If this was normal back in the 30's and 40s... I don't know why it stopped."

"Mebbe here it wasn't normal, or mebbe where I'm from it won't stop." Steve's hand squeezed down a little harder, because it was all still so mind-boggling. He was in a different time, sure, but maybe also a different world, and it was just... it was too much to think about, so he just wouldn't. Not yet. Not when Tony so clearly needed someone. "C'mon. Let's go get your junk."

~.~.~

Steve could see why Tony didn't want to stay in the penthouse. Sure it was swanky... but it was also cold, and he didn't mean the temperature. So much of it was stark whites and glittering metals - things that offered so little comfort when you weren't feeling your best. It seemed empty but full of ghosts at the same time, and he was sorta glad Tony was so against staying up there.

He trailed after Tony as the man packed a duffel of clothes, then gaped when Tony started rooting through his cupboards and refrigerator. There was _so much food_ , and so many different kinds of things, and Steve had never seen such a thing in all his days. And there was so much _waste_ , so many things that Tony said had gone bad and wouldn't let Steve chance his stomach on. All of it would have to be thrown away, and Steve mourned every loss, thinking of the thin faces and clothes that hung too loose on the frames of the people who lived around him. While it was nice to think that maybe so much food might be common in his future, it didn't do a damn thing to feed the bellies that existed in what had been Steve's now.

Tony said the food they were grabbing was only 'snack food', which was just.. well. It was something. He put a loaded plastic bag in each of Steve's hands, and carried two in each of his own with his duffel slung over one shoulder. It meant they couldn't hold hands while they were in the elevator... but Tony let Steve stand behind him and hide his face between his shoulder blades, so that was alright. Looking around still made Steve queasy on Tony's awful, terrible, 'new-fangled' elevator. When they got back to what was apparently 'his' floor - he couldn't believe how wealthy Tony had to be - Tony asked him what he wanted for dinner.

Apparently his host had intended to order yet _more_ food, but Steve put his foot down. They could eat whatever they'd brought down with them, at least for a little while. While Tony made use of his bathroom (which Steve couldn't wait to see, because if food and doctor’s offices and elevators had come so far, bathrooms had to be a dream), he tried something called 'doritos' and nearly cried in joyful rapture at the taste. The flavor exploded on his tongue, more... more _everything_ than he'd ever tasted before, and they were so crunchy, and there were so many of them in the bag... 

He'd eaten over half of it by the time Tony came back to the living room, and his stomach was pleasantly full. The man plopped down on the (so comfy, so big) couch right next to him. Steve was fully prepared to talk, or maybe sit in silence, or maybe he could get Tony to help him find a book or two... but what actually happened was a pleasant shock.

Tony shifted to lay down and put his head in Steve's lap. In his hand, he held one of the flat, rectangular miracles that the doctor had held during their appointment. "I don't want to tell you too much history," Tony told him, smiling a little. He smelled so much better, and his damp hair was flopping over into his eyes. It looked like he'd shaved, and Steve liked the distinctive style of what was left of his facial hair. Resisting the urge to kiss Tony was much harder now - a bath and a good cry had done him a world of good, but Steve didn't even know if Tony _liked_ other men, and that 'Pepper' had been a woman, so- "I don't want to start like, a weird paradox thing. But I refuse to let you miss out on all the wonders the 21st century has to offer you, Tiny Steve. Buckle up, because you're in for a wild ride."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! Yay! KiernaSerea is still amazing. <3
> 
> Comments would be absolutely lovely. :D
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!

Bathrooms in the future were even more amazing than the beds. Steve was pretty sure he could fit _at least_ four other people in the tub with him before it started to feel even a little cramped. The water was hot enough to steam on a regular basis instead of coming in hot and cold bursts. The walls didn't even shake like they might topple in when said water flowed through the pipes. It never came out brown with rust or in a sickly trickle - it was steady and reliable and perfect. When Steve chose to shower, he could even stay in for as long as he wanted without ever running out of hot water.

It felt decadent to the point of insanity, actually. At first he hadn't been able to bring himself to do anything but get a quick scrub in, because the waste of it all was enough to make a poor boy from Brooklyn weep. But Tony'd caught on to that pretty quickly and put a stop to it. He explained in a patient monotone (it had been a bad day) that Stark Tower (because Tony was rich enough that his building was _named after him_ ) had a 'self-contained water filtration system'. He didn't have too much of an idea what that might actually mean, but he thought he had the gist of it - water didn't go to waste here. Whatever went down the drain in the tower got cleaned up somehow and used for other things.

It was more than he could say for how food was handled in this time and place, so Steve accepted it and spent as long getting clean as he wanted. Once, even though it woulda made his da frown at him, Steve spent three _whole_ hours in the bath just because he could. He hadn't even been dirty! He'd just noticed that soaking in hot water with steam hanging in the air eased his ribs and his lungs, so he did it. When he finally got out, his fingers and toes were near pickled, all wrinkly and pink from the heat.

Practical Sara Rogers would have wanted to investigate all of the medical advances, would have wanted to take some of them home with her. Steve would give his soul if he could bring his ma back for just one day so she could soak in Tony’s monstrous tub like a lady of leisure. She’d worked herself to the bone for so long - someone like her should be enjoying such decadent pleasures. Since she couldn’t, Steve figured he should enjoy them for her.

So bathrooms were definitely one of his favorite parts of living in the future. He didn't know how he was going to go back to unreliable water that was brown and cold more often than not. If he ever _got_ back, anyway, something he was torn on. Because on the one hand, he missed Arnie, his thin mattress and the way things were simple even when they were hard. One the other hand was food with _flavor_ , medicine that made him feel better than he ever had before, and _Tony_. Even if Tony could be as inconsistent as the water in the pipes in his and Arnie's apartment, the man had an effortless way of drawing him in. Steve just wished he was better at coaxing Tony to use the amazing bathtub or shower more often. He'd been in the future for about a week and a half, and Tony'd only bathed three times. He fluctuated between exuberance and melancholy with a frequency that was almost scary; the extreme nature of both modes alarmed and concerned him... but there wasn't much more he could do other than just be there.

Keeping the floor they were living on neat and clean was less mentally or emotionally taxing, but almost as frustrating. Steve had an ongoing feud with the vacuum cleaner and the thing called a 'Swiffer', and the machine Tony had told him was a dishwasher was enough to make him fume. And there was an automatic dispenser by both the kitchen and bathroom sinks for soap - soap!

"'S like the people in the future forgot how to work. What's wrong with good old fashioned elbow grease? Nothin', that's what." Steve knew it was silly of him to be talking out loud to nobody, but it wasn't like he coulda aired his complaints to Tony. Anything even remotely close to criticism or aggression caused the guy to shut down completely, to the point where Steve woulda liked a word with all-a those so-called 'friends' of his. So without the ability to complain to Tony, he was reduced to ranting to himself and the ceiling when Tony wasn't around.

"Little packets full-a soap... 's utter nonsense. No way it gets dishes clean. Waste-a money, 'specially when ya gotta get most-a the gunk off b'fore ya can even load 'em in. Takes almost as long as just washin' 'em yourself." Which was how he was doing their dishes from the day before, with regular dish soap, a sponge, and his own two hands. "'S not like I couldn't figure out how ta use it either if'n I wanted, which I don't. Not intimidated or nothin'. Just like I ain't scared-a that dumb vacuum cleaner." Tony had nearly laughed himself sick at the way he'd jumped after turning the devil machine on. Steve hadn't appreciate it much.

"Just don't see why it's gotta be so damn loud. Noise don't make the carpets any cleaner," he complained as he put a dripping wet plate in the dish drainer with a little more force than necessary. "And what the hell's wrong with a regular broom and mop? Nothin' at all. Dunno what's with that Swiffer bull malarkey. Future folks are just lazy and wasteful, ta my way-a thinkin'. Always throwin' things away. Usin' stuff just once and callin' it trash... 's the stupidest thing I ever did see. Poor ma'd be rollin' in her grave if she could see it. And why the hell're modern folks so against cords anyway?"

His indignant rant was interrupted by a poorly smothered chuckle. Heat rose to his cheeks, and he whirled to face Tony - it couldn't be anyone else. Sure enough, the man was leaning in the doorway with one hand over his mouth. It must be a good day, 'cause he was freshly showered and in clean clothes. Steve was keenly aware of his own appearance, and it only made him blush harder.

The bright yellow gloves that reached his elbows kept the dish soap from irritating his hands, but they also looked dumb. And he hadn't wanted to get the shirt he'd borrowed from Tony all sloppy wet, so he'd dug out an apron that said 'World's Okayest Cook', which looked almost as silly as the gloves. Before he'd started the dishes he'd been dusting - with a _cloth_ , not that ridiculously wasteful Swiffer Duster - so his face was probably all smudged with dirt and his hair probably limp with sweat. Oh, and he'd been complaining to thin air to boot. Couldn't forget that.

"Eavesdroppin' is almost as rude as pickin' your nose at the table," Steve informed Tony primly, and was relieved when the man laughed instead of fading away. Definitely a good day then, which meant he'd be allowed a little light teasing to try and make the man smile.

"Sorry," Tony told him, sounding anything but. "Didn't mean to offend you, Tiny Adorable Steve." That dumb nickname only made him blush harder and caused his heart to do a little flip in his chest. He should hate it, should maybe even been offended by it... but that was hard when Tony said it with affection obvious in his voice. To hide his struggle against that and his attraction to Tony, he let out a small 'hmph' and turned back to the sink.

"Next time, tell me when ya get in the room. Don't need ta be makin' a fool of myself like that." Steve had heard the light slap of Tony's bare feet on the wooden floor, so he wasn't really all that surprised when he felt Tony come up behind him. The light, barely-there kiss Tony dropped to the top of his head, however, both surprised him and also near about caused him to swoon.

"Yes Tiny Adorable Steve. Where are the dish clothes?" With his heart pounding in his ears and butterflies raising heck in his stomach, Steve didn't trust himself to speak. Knowing he was probably even redder than his stupid apron, he pointed to one of the drawers. Tony gripped his shoulder in a silent 'thanks', then let his hand trail down Steve's arm as he stepped away.

He couldn't help but gulp a couple times when he knew Tony wasn't looking. It didn't quite get his heart or feelings under control, but it did help him feel a little steadier. And as he watched Tony dry dishes from under his lashes, Steve couldn't help but let himself hope.

Maybe Tony liked fellas just fine after all.

~.~.~

"So... you really don't want to enlist?" Steve looked up from the game of checkers they were playing, one brow quirked. Tony told himself he didn't find the expression even remotely attractive - he even almost believed it. What he absolutely didn't believe was that Steve Rogers - any Steve Rogers - wouldn't jump at the chance to go off and fight Nazis in the name of freedom and justice for all.

"Dunno if ya noticed, Tony, but I ain't exactly fightin'-fit. Sure I'd love ta help if we enter the war, and I will - on the home-front. I wouldn't be any kind-a asset on the field."

"That's not true!" Steve only gave a tiny smile at Tony's passionate protest, shrugging one bony shoulder. His eyes drifted back to the checker board, and he jumped three of Tony's pieces. No matter how adorable this Steve was, the move was still enough to make him scowl.

"My da-"

"Whose name was William," Tony interrupted, always intent on making sure the information he was hoarding about this Steve was right.

"Yeah. He was in the Great War. Used ta tell me stories. One-a his men got hurt real bad once, and the two-a them got separated from the rest-a their unit. My da had to carry him, Tony. For two days, over miles and miles - some-a it enemy territory - so both-a them would survive. I couldn't do that or anythin' like it, and I know it. I ain't happy 'bout it, but I can't change it either. If I tried ta enlist and got in, I'd get people killed."

That was... sorta true, actually. Tony stared at the board between them, not seeing it or the pieces on it. He'd never thought of it that way, not once. Whenever mentions were made of Steve's many attempts to join up, it was always in the context of how brave he was, how determined. How noble.

It was the first time he'd realized that the recklessly brave act was also, on some level, extremely selfish.

At the same time, it had given the world Captain America.

The world _needed_ Captain America.

He had to send Tiny Adorable Steve back to his world, so his world could have Captain America.

The thought, which hadn't fully occurred to him until just then, gutted him. It dampened the good mood he'd been in the last few days, though at least it didn't fully disappear. He hadn't realized how much of a difference having even one other person in the tower would make. Sure, he still couldn't face the thought of installing FRIDAY or coordinating the cleanup of the common floor. And maybe the thought of going up to the penthouse or down to the workshop still inspired panic, but... he was doing better. With Tiny Adorable Steve to take care of, Tony found himself eating regularly. When Steve was sleeping a room away, Tony could fall and stay asleep himself almost every night.

With Steve Brian Rogers around, it almost felt like he was ready to try living again.

"What?" he asked, suddenly realizing Steve had been talking to him. He had no idea what had been asked, and he got to watch Steve's face go both soft and exasperated as he realized that. Which was definitely not sweet or attractive at all.

"I asked when ya were gonna start ta tell me 'bout your life. Don't really know much b'sides your name and that ya seem ta have more money'n God." The teasing smile on his lips drained the defensiveness out of Tony before he could even really feel it. Maybe some people would hold Tony's wealth against him, but not Steve. Not Tiny Adorable Steve.

"You forgot to mention my extremely good looks, obvious genius, and the fact that I am boss at checkers." As he spoke, Tony jumped one of his pieces all the way across the board, slamming it down on Steve's side triumphantly. "King me!"

The sound of Steve's chuckle was another thing that didn't affect him in the slightest. Nope.

"It’s one-a three pieces ya got left, but ya got it 'boss'.” Oooh, okay. That combined with the way Steve looked up at him from under his lashes might have gotten to him. A bit. Steve kinged his piece, then looked back up at him. The playful glint in his eyes made Tony suck in a deep breath as he tried to remind himself that everyone left, and Tiny Adorable Steve wasn't any different, so starting something was the definition of a Bad Idea. "And you'd be handsomer if ya took showers more often'n shaved that squirrel off-a your face." The last tease was accompanied by Steve reaching out to run those elegant artist's fingers over Tony's scruffy cheek. Steve was always touching him, and most of the time it felt friendly... but sometimes... sometimes, like just then, Tony was more than half-sure he was flirting. It took more willpower than he would have credited himself as having to resist leaning into the touch with a purr.

Instead, he turned and lightly snapped at Steve's fingers. The blond pulled them back with a sound that was very obviously an adorable squeak - Tony wisely didn't mention it.

"Excuse you, I showered yesterday." Not that he could fault Steve for that playful jab - it had been his first in four days. He was doing better; he wasn't all the way back to normal functioning yet.

"Fair 'nough," Steve agreed with an amiable smile. He made his move, then leaned forward on one elbow, sharp chin resting on an equally bony hand. "Now stop duckin' and tell me 'bout Tony Stark."

"Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist."

"Tony."

"What? It was good enough for the other you." Steve scowled, like he always did when Tony compared him to (or even mentioned) Steve G. Rogers.

"Well I ain't him, and I can tell there's more ta ya than that."

"You'd be wrong on that." Tony told him flatly, hoping it would be enough to end the line of questioning. They'd been having fun, and Tony had been feeling almost normal. He didn't need Steve to find out anything more about him; he didn't need Steve to look at him with the combination of pity and disdain most people seemed to. He liked that Steve smiled at him, that Steve seemed to see him as just Tony.

But of course he just kept going, because stubbornness was the one trait that was probably universal to every Steve Rogers that ever existed.

"C'mon Tony. Gimme somethin' here. What do ya do?"

"I invent shit."

" _Tony_." Ugh. How could Tiny Adorable Steve sound so much like Rogers?

"It's true! Look, Stark Industries is a leading tech company. We used to make weapons - we'll do that again over my dead body. Now we mostly focus on medical tech, things like phones and tablets, and green energy." Seeing the way confusion entered Steve's face, Tony moved to clarify. "You know how you're always bitching about how wasteful us modern folks are?" Steve frowned and nodded, looking so adorably cranky that Tony had to resist the urge to coo at him. "Well, on a lot of points I agree. Green energy - sustainable energy - is about trying to change that. We've done a lot of damage to this planet over the years, Steve. Our planet is... it's so _fragile_ , so small." For a horrifying minute, he was back in the cold vacuum of space, staring down an army of invaders as stars glittered, uncaring, in the background. "It's so vulnerable, Steve," he whispered hoarsely, not seeing anything but the Chitauri and the vast universe where Earth was _nothing_ in the scheme of things. "We have to take care of it."

All of a sudden, slightly chilled hands took hold of his face. When he blinked away the vision that haunted his dreams, Tony was surprised to find Steve's face only inches from his, worry etched in his expression. It banished some of that remembered cold, but he also couldn't handle such intense concern for his own well-being. Even Rhodey had enough sense to hide that shit behind sarcasm and joking remarks. He turned away from Steve's eyes and into his right hand instead, pressing his lips against that cool palm. He felt more than heard the breath Steve drew in, but he refused to think about what it might mean.

Steve Brian Rogers couldn't stay - he had to remember that.

The knowledge didn't stop him from from closing his eyes and leaning further into Steve's touch. He felt the man's other hand slide into his hair and he leaned forward instinctively to press his forehead to Steve's shoulder. His thin, bony shoulder that already felt way too much like home. Whenever Tony was struggling, he always seemed to end up there, with Steve giving him a scalp massage worth committing murder for. It calmed his heart, which had started to pound just a little too hard and fast, and kept him breathing regularly. The tuneless humming that filled his ears helped more than he ever could have guessed, and he liked the closeness. It was part of what he missed most about Pepper - the innocent touching that just helped him remember that he wasn't alone. It was just... it was nice, to feel like someone cared.

"Sorry." God, his voice still sounded so raw, and he hated himself for that. "Seen some shit."

"I can tell. Told ya ta stop apologizin'."

"It's my fucking tower. I'll apologize wherever and whenever I want." Steve chuckled softly, then went just a little stiff. Tony immediately wanted to pull away and apologize again, but before he could follow the impulse, Steve was kissing his temple.

"'S fine not ta be fine all-a the time, Tony. So stop apologizin' for it." With that, Steve let him go to return to his own chair and Tony sat up with an unfamiliar feeling of heat in his cheeks. He wasn't blushing, couldn't be blushing - he was too old and too jaded to be blushing at something so small as an innocent kiss. "So green energy is ta stop folks wastin' so much?"

"Yeah," Tony murmured, closing his eyes as he gathered his scattered thoughts. "I'm pretty much the only name in the game at the moment, but I'm hoping that will change. It has to be a movement, but it's one I think me and other scientists will have to drag people kicking and screaming into."

"Huh." Steve seemed to think that over for a bit, parsing the information and storing it away. He didn't seem that affected by the discussion though, and Tony couldn't blame him. Steve's world seemed to run on a pretty close parallel, and climate change hadn't exactly been a widely talked about issue in the 40s. "Right. Well, I think green energy's the bees knees." He said that just to make Tony roll his eyes at him, Tony was sure. "So I'm sure you'll get all-a those dumb folks on board some time. Uhm." The man paused, blushed and began to chew on his lower lip - he was a prick for always enjoying it so much. "Ya didn't mention... well. 'S just... there's fellas been writin' about robots." Steve shot him a shy look, like he was afraid Tony was going to laugh at him. Tony subsequently felt himself melt, and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around the smaller man and squeeze. "Are there robots in the future, Tony?"

Warmth flowed through him, slow and sweet as honey. Steve was so... he was just so Steve. Out of nowhere, he felt the urge to take Steve's hand and really _show him_ the future. He wanted to take Steve out into the world to show him all the wonderful insanity that was modern day New York. He wanted to put Steve on a plane and take him to Malibu, to soak in the sun and the sea. He wanted to be Steve's guide to everything new and exciting... and he wanted to take Steve down to the workshop to introduce him to his 'bots.

That last thing shook him to his core, and he had to stand up and turn away. He ran his hands through his hair, getting a little relief when he tugged hard at the strands. Tony knew he probably looked crazy as he paced and pulled at his hair, but he couldn't help it. Part of him wanted to open his mouth and tell Steve all about robots and how he was pretty much an expert on robotics and learning AI's. But then he'd have to talk about Jay, and his 'bots who _needed_ him but who he couldn't see because they were down in the workshop and Tony never wanted to go there again because JARVIS was _dead_ and his _body_ was down there, just waiting to be removed and replaced and forgotten. If he told Steve about his robots, Tony would have to show them to him, and he wasn't ready for that, would never _be_ ready... and maybe that was the point. Maybe... maybe he just had to do it, even though he wasn't ready. 

Maybe it was better to do it with someone like Tiny Adorable Steve instead of alone.

When he whirled to face Steve again, the blond was looking at him with wide blue eyes, clearly unsure what he should do in the face of Tony's latest surge of crazy. He couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped, but he did do his best to soften it into a real laugh. From the uncertainty that remained on Steve's face, he didn't do that good of a job.

"Sorry, sorry. I just..." Tony stopped and took a deep breath, lowering his hands to grip his shirt instead - the one he was wearing, not the one Steve was wearing, and it was such a stupid time to fixate on the idea of Steve in his clothes, but he couldn't help it. Steve looked so small in his shirt as he sat there, staring up at Tony with so much concern and caring that it made Tony _ache_. Another breath, and Tony was ready to start talking again. "Yeah. There are robots." His hands were twisting in his shirt like they had been in his hair, and he noticed that Steve's eyes kept darting down to them and back up, but Tony couldn't make himself stop. "Lots of 'em. The basic ones are starting to take jobs from people, actually." As expected, Steve's expression immediately turned to one of indignant anger. His mouth opened, but Tony continued before he could get started on a rant. He had enough experience with the ones Rogers indulged in to know that if he let Steve start, he'd never get to tell him about the 'bots waiting for him downstairs in a dark, shuttered workshop. "Mine though. Mine aren't basic. Well Dum-E is a little slow, but he tries, and U is kind of... uh. Well. They're both maybe a little bit challenged, actually, but that's my fault not theirs. I'm the one that programmed them, and both times I was sorta... well. Dum-E was finished while I was pretty much blackout drunk, and I never was able to really iron out the kinks. Even Jay... but uh. U was more the product of insomnia, I guess, so he's not quite as, you know, stunted as Dum-E, but he's still not quite right. They're learning 'bots with basic AI systems. Nothing like JARVIS, or like... like FRIDAY, but... uh. They learn. Or they try to. They do their best and I love them."

He didn't know when he'd started to have trouble breathing, but when he finally stopped talking he was gasping for air, a fist clenched hard around his heart. His boys were down there alone, probably in the dark because Jay wasn't there to turn the light on for them, and they wouldn't think to do it for themselves. They were alone in the dark and the silence, with no one to talk to but each other. God, they must be lonely and maybe even scared, because the last time he'd been gone so long had been Afghanistan and even then at least they'd had JARVIS, and... and...

"Tony, easy." Steve was right in front of him again, this time taking gentle hold of his wrists. He'd started tugging at his hair again, and he was a little shocked to see more than a few dark strands wrapped around his fingers once he could see them again. "Easy. C'mon. Let's sit." Steve didn't even lead him back to the table or the couch - he just helped Tony ease down to the floor, which showed Tony how worried he was. Once they were both there, Steve's fingers still around his wrists, laughter started to bubble up in his chest - he wasn't strong enough just then to keep it back. When it fell from his lips, Steve let go of one wrist to cup the left side of Tony's face instead. "Sorry," he whispered when he managed to lock the laugh back behind his teeth. "Sorry. I just... I haven't..." Steve slid a little closer, looking completely interested in what Tony had to say and so damned worried that Tony just didn't know what to do with it. "I can't go down there, Steve, You'd love them and they'd love to meet you, but I can't... I haven't..."

"Ya haven't gone ta see 'em since JARVIS died," Steve finished solemnly, meeting Tony's eyes. He was gratified by the lack of pity in them - there was understanding and compassion there instead. "Bet ya want ta, but ya just-"

"I _can't_." Tony whispered forcefully, searching Steve's expression to see if he would understand. "If I go down there... if I go down there he's really gone. I'll have to explain it to them, that he's gone and he's never coming back. They won't understand, Steve. I went... I went missing once, and they would have waited forever for me to come back. They won't... but I'll have to to try and help them... I'll have to talk about it. And then... then I'll have to-" He couldn't do it - he couldn't make himself tell Steve what he would have to do with what remained of JARVIS.

"C'mere." Despite the gruff directness of the order, the way Steve pulled him in for a hug was tentative and unsure. Tony suddenly and desperately needed one though, so he didn't let that stop him. He went easily into Steve's arms and buried his face in one bony shoulder. Most of his attention was focused on taking deep breaths, but the rest of him noticed how good and right it felt to be in Steve's arms. The small, slender man was holding his weight, keeping him together, and Tony didn't... he hadn't had anyone do that for him besides Rhodey and Pepper. It was... it was nice and alien and he never wanted it to stop.

But he was going to leave. Tony could never let himself forget that Steve was going to leave.

"I can't say I know exactly what you're goin' through," Steve murmured into his hair, starting to rock back and forth. If he'd asked first, Tony would have scoffed and said the motion wouldn't help at all... but it did. God, did it ever. "Grief is always different - even between losin' my da and then my ma, it was different. But I think..." Steve paused, and Tony took the opportunity to snuggle a little closer. Steve didn't pull away, which was almost enough to make him cry. "I think mebbe ya aren't ever gonna feel like ya can. I think mebbe the longer ya wait, the harder it's gonna feel. So... so I think mebbe ya gotta just do it, Tony." He'd come to the same conclusion, but it had been shaky in his own mind - to have Steve confirm the instinct filled him with relief and anxiety both. Being right wasn't always a good thing.

"I know. I know I do. You're right, Tiny Adorable Steve. I just..."

"Do ya want me ta come with ya? It helped when ya had ta go ta the penthouse, right? And mebbe... if ya can't be down there, mebbe we could bring your robots - Dum-E and U, did you say? - we could bring 'em up here, like we brought your clothes down." God, that would be a mess. His bots would gleefully run amok all over Steve's floor, they'd destroy everything... and they wouldn't be alone in the dark and the silence anymore.

"Yeah," Tony agreed after a long moment, hating how thick his voice sounded. "That'd be... that's a good idea, Steve. They'd... I think they'd really like that. They haven't seen most of the Tower so... so yeah. You'll-" A ball of emotion briefly choked him; he had to clear his throat before he could speak around it. "You'll come down there with me?"

"'Course. Said so, didn't I?"

"Yeah. You did. Not... I can't go tonight. Tomorrow. Can we... can we wait until tomorrow?" Steve squeezed him tightly, and Tony was surprised by the strength he could feel in those seemingly frail limbs. Maybe Steve couldn't carry a wounded soldier around for days, but he was showing a surprising ability to carry Tony.

"Yeah, we'll go down there tomorrow. Bright'n early, so they have lots-a time to adjust, alright? And I'll be with ya every step-a the way, even in that awful new-fangled elevator-a yours." Tony started to laugh at that, feeling himself shake against Steve's frame. It was so strange, to be able to laugh when breathing still took effort and his heart was still trying to gallop full speed ahead in his chest... but it also felt nice. It felt like a step toward living again.

So even if the idea of it made him break out in a cold sweat, he'd venture down to his workshop in the morning with Steve to fetch his bots. He'd bring them up into the living quarters of the tower so they wouldn't be alone.

Tony would bring them upstairs so he wouldn't be alone when Steve left.

~.~.~

Tony held himself together all through breakfast, but Steve could tell he was feeling pretty nervous about the way they'd agreed to spend their morning. He wasn't really eating, just picking at the eggs Steve had made for him - he'd have been insulted if it wasn't for the way Tony's eyes were a little wild and the way his skin seemed a little clammy. That gave him a pass on wasting food just then, so Steve stayed quiet about it and made sure to knock his ankle against Tony's a couple times to remind him that he wasn't alone. He himself ate two eggs and three pieces of toast as well as drinking a whole glass of orange juice, so he was happily full when they approached the elevator.

He was pretty used to Tony's silences by now, even if he didn't like them near as much as he did when Tony was talking at him a mile a minute. The one that was wrapped around them as Tony pressed the button Steve assumed would take him to the workshop, however, was something else. It had a weight that pressed down on his heart and lungs, forcing his silence as well. He felt it swirling around them like a living thing, like a predator, and he had an awful feeling in his gut that things were not going to go well once the doors opened. After a few seconds, Steve felt Tony start to tremble through their linked fingers, and it just about broke his heart.. so he let go and turned to wrap his arms around Tony's waist, hugging him as tight as he dared.

Tony gave a wounded sound that wasn't quite relief and wrapped his arms around Steve in return. He hid his face in Steve's hair, breath moving too fast and too hard over his scalp. Under his cheek Tony's heart was doing much the same, and he began to wonder if maybe his idea hadn't been such a good one after all. Sure, maybe Tony would have to face it all sometime, but maybe doing it right then wasn't actually in his best interest... but it was too late. The elevator came to a stop with a 'ding', and it was the moment of truth.

The doors slid open, he knew they did - Steve had heard them do it. Despite that, Tony had yet to step back or even lift his head, still gasping against Steve's hair, body trembling with his hands grabbing and twisting Steve's shirt. He wasn't crying, and it was a sorry state of affairs that had him counting that as a victory. Still, this really was starting to feel like a terrible idea, and he should get Tony out of there.

"Tony-"

"You're going to stay with me, right?" Tony interrupted, voice harsh with emotion. "You won't... you're not going to just... you'll stay with me when we go in there?"

"Told ya I would, didn't I?" Tony's grip on him relaxed just a little, but he didn't lift his head or make any move to really release him and start for the doors. "I promise Tony. An' I'll hold your hand'n everythin'. Whatever ya need, and ya don't gotta rush or nothin'. I'm free all day." He thought the sound that ruffled his hair was supposed to be a laugh, but it came a lot closer to a sob.

"Right... right. Okay. I'm not on the floor right now, which is... not being on the floor is a really big improvement." He'd gotten better at figuring out when Tony was talking to him and when he was talking just to talk, so Steve kept his mouth shut and let Tony get it out. "Not on the floor, and someone... you're here, and you aren't going to... Jay might be gone but my other boys are waiting for me. They need me, and I shouldn't have left them for so-"

"Hey," Steve interrupted, punctuating the words by tapping his fingers against Tony's back. "No beatin' yourself up. They'll be happy ta see ya, I bet, not angry it took ya a bit."

"But they _needed_ me, and I just-" This time Steve unwound his left arm and stepped back just a little so he could reach up and press his fingers against Tony's lips to stop him. Tony's eyes went wide, but he bit back his words... though he was still shaking beneath Steve's touch.

"That's not helpin', so stoppit," he ordered quietly. "We could stay in here all day'n make guesses as ta how your boys are gonna react," Steve didn't like the gratitude on Tony's face any more than he liked that way his eyes filled with tears. He shouldn't be so happy to have his robots talked about like that, because to Steve's way of thinking everyone should be able to see how much they meant to Tony and treat them accordingly. "But we ain't gonna know until we get in there. Now, I'm willin' ta bet you're makin' this way worse in your head than it is. Like I said, we can take our time - as much time as ya need - but stayin' in here ain't gonna solve anythin'. We gotta go forward, Tony. My da used to say that it wasn't the only way ta go, but it's the only way that really means a damn. So lemme know when you're ready to do it, an' I'll go that way with ya. But don't spend the time in here workin' yourself up."

Tony was staring at him, wide-eyed and intent - it was almost enough to make a fella blush. Thankfully the gravity of the moment kept him from doing just that, because he really was trying to keep the way Tony made him feel to himself. Tony didn't need to be dealing with that on top of everything else. When he reached up and carefully took Steve's fingers away from his mouth, he didn't just drop Steve's hand - he wove their fingers together and held on tight before dragging in a ragged breath."You... I..." He stopped, eyes still fixed on Steve's own as he gathered his thoughts. "I want to start moving forward again. I've been... since Jay and Ultron and... I've just been so stuck. I don't... I'm not sure if I remember _how_ to go forward anymore. I used to be so good at it, Steve - maybe I zigged and zagged on the way, but I was still always heading the right direction, and now... I can't figure out how to do that. I need..."

Steve searched his expression as Tony trailed off, trying to figure out what the man needed... but he just wasn't sure. He didn't know what the right thing to do was, especially when everything in him was demanding he pull Tony close and press soft, clinging kisses to those trembling lips and whisper sweet promises that it would be all right, but he couldn't. He didn't have any right, not when this wasn't his place or his time, not when Tony was struggling with so much and leaning on him so heavily. He couldn't chance taking his friendship away from Tony without being sure he'd take what Steve would offer in its place - he couldn't risk it for so many reasons, some of them self-serving enough to make nausea twist his stomach.

Despite all that, despite knowing he was skating on thin ice anyway with how much he touched Tony, Steve couldn't restrain the impulse completely. He brought their entwined fingers up to his lips, holding Tony's eyes as he dropped a kiss to each of the man's knuckles, trying to instill a stronger sense of comfort and support. "I don't really know either, Tony," he told him softly once he was finished. "I dunno nothin' really about what happened or 'bout robots or any of it. Dunno what's waitin' for us in there, or what'll happen after it. But I'm willin' to walk in there with ya ta find out. We don't gotta know - we just gotta keep goin', I think."

Tony briefly squeezed his eyes shut - Steve could see movement under his lids, like maybe Tony was searching for strength inside himself. Finally though, he let out a slow, even breath and nodded. "Okay. Okay. I can... we can do this." His eyes opened, and he gave Steve a smile that was so beautifully fragile that it shattered his heart. "Let's... let's go."

~.~.~

The visit to the workshop was a blur for Tony - he didn't think he'd ever be able to remember most of it. He knew that he'd probably come pretty close to breaking Steve's hand with how hard he was holding it, and he had a hazy recollection of opening the workshop door. He was pretty sure he'd gone hard to the floor after taking just a few steps inside; the ache in his knees supported the theory. It had been almost like an out of body experience, where sound was far away and distorted, where lights were too bright and details were fuzzy at best. Tony thought that maybe the workshop had been... cleaner, maybe, than he'd expected? Or maybe it was more dirty? Maybe it had been neither, maybe it had looked exactly the way it did the night JARVIS had died and his brain just couldn't handle that.

He remembered reaching up once to feel his cheeks and being surprised to find them wet - he hadn't known he was crying.

He wasn't sure if he felt more real than everything around him, or if everything else was solid and really there and _he_ was the one who was a ghost. Either way, something wasn't right - some part of reality wasn't slotting in with the rest of it, leaving him scrambling to make any impressions that lasted beyond the moment. He thought maybe his boys had rushed over to him, beeping happily... but he wasn't sure. Maybe he just wanted (needed) them to be okay, to not be mad at him. He just... he couldn't remember. Tony had no idea how long they'd been down in the workshop or how Steve had managed to get him to stand back up on his own two feet. Everything was too far away and too close and he didn't know how to reconcile the two. He had another vague idea of being huddled in the corner of the elevator on the floor, but Steve had been right beside him, and Steve wasn't supposed to be there when he was on the elevator, panicking on the floor... so maybe it was another trick that his brain was playing.

And he was on a couch… but it wasn’t the workshop couch. Was it? He thought maybe that one was destroyed. Maybe it hadn’t been. But hadn’t the one he had down there been older? Comfier? More worn? Was this one too new? Everything was still so out of focus, blurry around the edges… but he thought maybe he wasn’t in the workshop anymore. Maybe being in the elevator with his boys and Steve had really happened. It was just that nothing felt solid…

Tony would never forget the moment everything snapped back into place, reality flexing and solidifying in his mind once more. He'd been huddled on the couch, curled up into a ball and shaking - how he'd gotten there, he had no idea - when a soft beep pierced through the heavy fog that had settled over his mind. He'd looked up, startled and unsure, and there... there had been Dum-E, bent nearly in half so his claw was on level with Tony's face. Once he saw Tony was looking at him, he gave a beep that was just as quiet but pitched a little higher - his happy, excited sound. His claw rotated a few times, and then he slowly extended forward until he could touch just the tip of one 'finger' to Tony's nose in a robot's version of a boop. Immediately after, Dum-E gave a whistle of pure glee and wheeled back a little, lifting up in celebration as his claw rotated merrily.

It was so close to their first meeting, when Tony had woken up from his drunken coma to find a fully functioning Dum-E staring down at him. The 'bot had been so careful not to hurt him, had seemed so worried... and as soon as Tony responded, he'd been so, so _happy_. Now here he was again, after another one of Tony's shitty life decisions, and he was still so happy to see Tony, and he knew he didn't deserve it, didn't deserve the kind of loyalty and love Dum-E had freely given him over the years. He didn't deserve it, most people would think he was crazy for seeing it in the actions of an ‘unfeeling’ robot, but _fuck_ did Tony need it. Dum-E stopped his claw when Tony threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around his struts; when Tony started to sob, he made a low, sad whistle and began to awkwardly pat Tony on the head in an attempt to cheer him up.

Dum-E was real and solid in his arms, and when he heard an alarmed sound that had to be from U, Tony knew that was real too. He heard the other bot wheel over quickly - too quickly, but he managed to pull up to a stop before he crashed into Tony and Dum-E. Then another metal arm draped over his shoulders, and it too was real and solid, and Tony didn't deserve either of his boys. He didn't deserve their clumsy but effective efforts to comfort him, didn't deserve the way they beeped in concert in a 'bots lullaby, didn't deserve the way they cared... but God did he ever love them.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, ignoring the way his voice broke. "I'm so sorry I didn't... I should have come down sooner. I should never have left you alone like that. With JARVIS gone it must have been really scary for both of you. I'm so glad... I'm glad you're okay. I'm sorry I didn't..." Dum-E suddenly pulled away, making Tony topple forward as U beeped chidingly after his brother. For one terrible moment that seemed to last forever, he thought the 'bot hadn't really forgiven him - he was sure Dum-E, his first truly great creation, his firstborn, hated him for abandoning the two of them. But then he was zooming back over, a single tissue dangling from his claw and waving like a flag in the air. Tony expected the bot to just drop it or maybe hand it over... but instead he tried to dab at the tears that were slowly drying on Tony's cheeks.

Tried being the operative word.

"Gimme that before you poke my eye out, you pile of rust," Tony ordered gruffly, knowing Dum-E would understand perfectly well the real meaning behind his words. "You're a disaster - you think I want you poking around my face like that?" The 'bot gave an offended whistle as he straightened, then did drop the tissue - it wafted delicately down to land on Tony's head. "Now see here-" U interrupted with a quiet, drawn out beep that Tony found incredibly soothing. He was the one who took the tissue from Tony's head and pressed it carefully into his hand. "Thanks, U. See Dum-E? See how your little brother isn't a complete wreck? You should aspire to that." Even though he knew Dum-E's sad little whistle and the way he slumped over was a play for attention, it sort of tore at Tony's heart just then. "I'm sorry. Come here." The 'bot made a much happier noise as he wheeled back in and let Tony wrap an arm around him. "There we go. I'm... I'm so glad to have you both here. I'm so glad Ultron didn't destroy either of you. But he... JARVIS is... do you know JARVIS is gone?"

Both bots made a sound that he'd never heard before, one that even his human ears could tell was full of grief. They scooted closer, children seeking reassurance in the affectionate touches of their parent, and Tony realized that they knew. More than knowing, they _understood_. They knew their youngest brother was gone. "I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sure you miss him - I do too. But we're... we'll be okay. I won't leave you alone like that again, I _promise_. Even if I never go down to the workshop again, I won't... I won't." He fell silent as he huddled with his boys, hands running gently over metal and rivets and wires even as they ran their 'hands' over his hair and shoulders. It was... it was comfort and family and home, and he'd been such an idiot to be afraid they would hate him. They were his and he was theirs - even through the mistakes and messes, they belonged together.

He lost track of time again, but it wasn't in the same distorted, disturbing way. Tony was just enjoying quiet time with his boys, so he didn't need to keep count of the passing seconds. It wasn't until he heard someone clear their throat that Tony remembered they weren't alone, and that they weren't in the penthouse either - they were on Steve's floor, with a Steve that wasn't Rogers. They were with Tiny Adorable Steve, who had been the one to finally get Tony down into the workshop. Who'd stayed with him the whole time, and who had to have been made at least a little nervous by the boys, because he'd never seen a robot before. The workshop must have blown his mind, and he was sure both bots had rushed them as soon as the workshop opened, and Steve was from nineteen-fucking-forty and had still managed to hold it together long enough to get Tony and his 'bots back upstairs where they could reunite somewhere that felt safe.

Tony knew he was staring, and his expression had to be something else because he watched as Steve flushed bright red to the point that he was almost glowing like Rudolph's nose. "Sorry ta... didn't mean ta interrupt Tony and, er, robots. But I dunno if I got those big... big things hooked up right. I plugged 'em in and all, since the two-a ya seemed so keen on bringin' 'em up, but-" Both 'bots gave beeps of interest and were zooming away - Steve gave a sigh that was more resigned than anything when Dum-E knocked over an end table and a lamp on the way. "Well. Cleanin'll get more interestin' I guess. Um. I hope it's okay that I brought... I just... ya kinda shut down, Tony. I was worried an' so were they, so I thought... I dunno what those big things were, but they took me down twice more ta grab 'em - they did the liftin', I just was there ta push the buttons - while ya worked on, uh, gettin' yourself together, so-" Steve was rambling. Tiny Adorable Steve was rambling as bad as he did sometimes, and he'd not only brought the boys up but also probably their charging stations. Dum-E and U had probably wrecked them a little dragging them from the wall, but he could fix that... and he wouldn't have to go down to the workshop to do it.

Tiny Adorable Steve had rode the elevator alone with his 'bots because they needed him, even though he hated the elevator even more than he hated Swiffers. Steve - from nineteen- _motherfucking_ -forty in some other, unknown world - had managed three or four impossible things just after breakfast. He was still blushing, the color crawling slowly down his neck; Tony couldn't help but wonder just how far down it would end up going. It'd probably be rude to ask if he could see. Even though he'd stopped paying attention to what Tiny Adorable Steve was saying, he was still talking. He was babbling and blushing, and he was the most beautiful thing Tony had ever seen in his life. Suddenly, it didn't matter that Steve would never stay.

Everyone always left, after all, and Tony was used to it. Maybe instead of dreading when it happened, maybe... maybe Tony could let himself enjoy the time they did have together. Maybe Tony could let himself try to connect with someone again. He could go down in flames one last time, for Tiny Adorable Steve.

Tony wasn't quite sure how he managed to get to his feet without the weight of that realization making him topple over, but he did. He got up and then he was headed for Steve in long, sure strides. To his credit, the smaller man didn't shy away from him even when Tony stepped right into his space. He held his own even when he had to tip his head back to look up into Tony's eyes, his chin jutted out like he was expecting to take a punch; when Tony very carefully framed his face instead, confusion replaced defiance. And when Tony leaned down to steal a kiss from his lips, they parted instantly in what Tony was sure was shock. He refused to take advantage, just pulled back a little so Steve could decide what he wanted to do - either way, Tony felt... well. He felt better than he had in a long time. It was a wonderful thing, to make a decision and be so sure of it. Even if Steve punched him right in the nose, that was okay - seizing the day felt better, more right, than he'd remembered.

It really was time to start moving forward again - it was time to dig himself out of his rut and get going.

"I know I can't keep you," Tony told Steve softly when he still hadn't responded (or even blinked, Tony was pretty sure) several long moments later. As he searched those beautiful, brilliantly blue eyes, he tried to show all of the bubbly, lighter than air feelings that Steve stirred in him through his smile. Must have worked at least a little, because Steve went from drop-jawed to offering a tiny smile in return. "But I sure as shit would like it if you were mine until you have to go." Moving a little slower this time, hoping he hadn't completely misread the signs Steve had been sending up, Tony leaned in again. This time, Tiny Adorable Steve met him halfway and their mouths touched in a slow, careful kiss where both of them were trembling a little.

It was quite possibly the most chaste, innocent kiss Tony'd had since he was fourteen, and it was so fucking perfect that he sort of wanted to cry. They pulled back at almost the same time, and when he opened his eyes he found himself entranced by the way Steve licked his lips. "I wasn't sure... didn't think ya liked fellas," the smaller man murmured, and Tony was suddenly aware of slender arms wrapped tightly around his neck - when had Steve grabbed onto him? "But... ya do?"

"I like you," Tony answered with a shrug, not sure Steve's brain could handle a discussion about sexuality that was more nuanced than 'dames or fellas'. Rogers had certainly been boggled by it all even as he very vocally supported the right of consenting adults to do whatever they wanted behind closed doors. "That's all that matters, isn't it? I like you, and I like who I am since you've been here. I'd also like to kiss you again, but you don't have to," he added, realizing the morality of the situation was a bit... murky. "I won't kick you out if you don't want to kiss me or anything, and just to be clear I don't expect you to fix me or anything, because I know I have to do that myself, an-mmph."

Tiny Adorable Steve, Tony noted with no small amount of excitement, was a much better kisser than he'd anticipated. He knew just how to angle his mouth, exactly how far to part his lips to make Tony crazy, just how to tease with his tongue without turning the kiss any deeper. From Natasha's description, kissing Rogers had been like kissing a dead fish... or just a guy who hadn't spent much time practicing. But Steve? Steve Brian kissed like a guy who'd spent an awful lot of time kissing, and Tony was really looking forward to a thorough exploration of just what else Tiny Adorable Steve might be unexpectedly experienced at.

It would just have to wait, because Dum-E had just given the most scandalized beep he'd ever heard from the 'bot, and he was one-hundred percent sure the sound afterward had been a glass full of a questionable smoothie hitting the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always come to my [tumblr](tahlreth.tumblr.com) to leave me prompts! It takes me a while, but I love 'em. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, yay! Thanks again to the lovely KiernaSerea for being an absolutely wonderful beta. <3
> 
> Most of the rest of this fic is actually finished - just a few ends to tie up, and then it'll be done. But there are two more main fics planned for this 'verse, as well as a crap-ton of shorts and one-shots. 
> 
> Comments maybe if you have a moment to spare?

"So you've never-"

"Nah."

"But you-"

"Tony, 'm tellin' ya - I ain't ever done it."

"But I know there were cars in the forties! I know there were! I mean, there were here... you have to have cars. Please tell me you have cars, or when you leave I'll have to come with you and invent the future... I mean. The past. I'll have to reinvent the past, and as much as going with you would be nice in some ways, I know that I can't, but I can't let you live in a world where there aren't cars yet, Steve. I just can't."

Steve couldn't help but start to laugh at that, turning his head to hide his face in the side of Tony's neck. It was something else, to be able to do that without being afraid Tony would take it wrong, or that he'd take it right and respond with a not-so-friendly punch to the face. Even better was the way they were laying on Steve's bed together, with Tony's arms wrapped around him and one of his hands resting on Tony's chest. For the past few days it had been like this, ever since the day Tony'd kissed him out of the blue. There'd been more kisses - a lot more, ones that made him blush bright red to think about - and even more touching. It was... Steve had never had much beyond furtive kisses in dark corners. To have Tony so willing to just cuddle was pretty fantastic.

Though he really didn't need another reason to want to stay in this future.

"Cars're for rich folks, Tony. 'Course I never drove one. Rode in one once though and it wasn't nothin' ta write home about." Tony let out a pained groan as he tipped his head back; to further demonstrate how he felt, he pulled one pillow forward and pressed it over his own face.

"Steeeeve. Tiny Adorable Steve. You're killing me here."

"What's that? Can't make out what you're sayin' there."

"Liar. You're a liar and I can't even be mad at you because you have been so deprived." Rolling his eyes, Steve reached up and snagged the pillow away from Tony, who let him take it.

"Cars ain't a right _or_ a need. Not deprived 'cause I never drove one. 'M deprived 'cause I'm hungry all-a the time. Feel bad about that, not cars." That had been a step too far, apparently, because Tony suddenly gave a wounded sound before moving. Before Steve could really process what was going on, Tony had him pinned to the bed with his lips pressed to the hollow of Steve's throat, face hidden from view. Tony's hands had somehow ended up underneath the pair of them, grasping at the fabric of Steve's (borrowed) shirt almost desperately. With his... best guy? Partner? Sugar daddy? Steve didn't know what they were to each other, exactly, and he was doing his best not to care. But whatever Tony was to him, the man was also very obviously distressed just then, so Steve ignored the slight ache in his ribs and didn't complain about Tony's weight. He held the other man tightly and even shifted his legs a little so he could wrap both around Tony's left leg. "What's wrong? I know you're a snuggle pup," he teased gently, because Tony seemed to both love and hate when he used slang from where and when he was from. "But ya seem upset this time."

"You're not allowed to go back," Tony answered instantly without looking up at him. "You have to stay here with me where I can make sure you have food. As a bonus, I will also teach you how to drive a car. Just... you have to stay." It was a pretty big departure from the way he usually talked - Tony was always saying they had to find a way to get him back, even if he didn't really act on all that talk. "I never think about that, about how you don't have a lot of money or food, and that you probably live in a shit hole," Steve bristled a little at that, because he and Arnie worked _hard_ to afford a place as good as they had, and they were a lot better off than some folks. But Tony just kept going, not seeming to realize some of what he said was offensive. "And the _diseases_ and the really fucking terrible medicine and Jesus fuck, can you even afford doctors? Steve, I looked at that fucking list of shit you have that the doctor wrote up, and _how are you even still alive_ , and just... just no. You're staying with me, where I can keep you warm and fed and safe."

"Tony," Steve started before clamping his lips back together. He could feel his jaw working, but he refused to just rage at Tony, no matter how good it would feel after his guy's comments. Keeping a lid on his temper had always been something he struggled with, but it was even more important here. Watching his da shout at his ma had left a mark on him, and he'd never forget the way she sometimes cried after, once his da'd stormed out to get lit up in order to keep his ghosts at bay. Steve didn't want to be like that, not ever, so he needed to be calm and figure out how to talk about this without getting mean. "I ain't a kid, or some fragile deb that needs protectin'. Mebbe I don't got all kinds-a swanky junk, but me'n Arnie do just fine. I was jokin'." Sort of, anyway - he and Arnie usually made enough to at least keep their stomachs from rumbling, which was more than he remembered from the leaner years of his childhood. "If I... I ain't stayin' just 'cause ya feel bad 'bout how I live."

"You won't stay anyway," Tony whispered into his throat, hands flexing against Steve's back. "I know you won't, probably couldn't even if you wanted to, and I know-" The man stopped himself and gave a long, hot sigh that dampened Steve's skin. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound... look. I just. I like it when the people I care about are happy and just... I want you to be okay. I need to know you're going to be okay when you have to go, Steve. I just... fuck. Honestly, if Jay were still here I'd have him tracking down bills printed during the early 1900s for you to take back with you. But that's assuming our money looks the same, and who the fuck knows? Fuck. Fucking fuck. Do you remember what the money from when you’re from looks like? I mean in a really detailed sort of way? Because I will abso-fucking-lutely set up a goddamned counterfeit operation, _amoretto_ , if it means you get a better standard of living. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm loading you down with gold and diamonds and shit. You can sell 'em and make perfectly legitimate money that won't wreak havoc on your goddamned conscience."

"Ya can't send me off loaded down with jewels," Steve protested, a good deal of his anger melting away in the face of Tony's sweetness. "I'd feel cheap." _That_ made Tony rear up, and their eyes met for the first time since this bit of insanity had started. Tony's were both wide and hard, and his nostrils were flared in anger. When his lips parted, Steve leaned up and pressed a kiss to the man's chin - he didn't quite have the reach to catch the man's mouth. "Easy. I shouldn't be makin' light - didn't know ya were so serious. Sorry." Soothed, Tony laid back down, this time resting his head on Steve's shoulder. He really was getting heavy, but it was fine for a little while longer. Steve slid one hand up Tony's back to bury it in his hair, playing with the soft strands a moment before lightly running his nails over the man's scalp. That might be cheating a bit - he knew how much Tony liked it - but that was alright. "But look here. I've been takin' care-a me for years now. Me'n Arnie do just fine, and I don't need ya ta save me from my life. If I gotta... well. If that light comes'n snatches me back, all I wanna take with me is somethin' that'll remind me-a you."

Steve couldn't decide if he wanted that light to never come back, or if he hoped it would happen soon before he lost his heart entirely.

He thought maybe Tony felt the same way.

"Jesus fuck." "I'm gonna start washin' your mouth out," Steve threatened, knowing that wouldn't be near enough to keep Tony from blaspheming all over the place.

"Try it. Just not in front of Dum-E or U, because I think they'd think you were hurting me, and I don't really want to know how they'd respond to that." Steve smiled as he thought about the robots - just 'bots, Tony insisted, or 'the boys', because 'robots' was so clunky and uncool. Tony had been so much better since the two of them had come to live on their floor, and if the three of them sometimes huddled together in a pile of entwined metal, skin and grief, well. Steve pretended to turn a blind eye, but made sure Tony got something to eat after and would throw tennis balls for the boys until they'd cheered up a bit. Cleaning their floor had gotten a heck of a lot harder, but he didn't mind too much - gave him something to do when Tony was messing around on his tablet thing. He said he was working, but Steve didn't know if he believed that. What kind of work could be done on that tiny magic rectangle that only seemed to hold talkies and things called video games?

"I wouldn't never do it in front-a them. They ain't the ones that talk dirty, so they don't need ta know about usin' soap that way."

"It's a really good thing you don't understand what they're saying, because I don't know how you'd even begin to wash out their mouths. You sure I can't convince you to take a stack of gold bars with you?"

"Very." Tony made a noise of discontent but didn't argue further. When Steve moved one leg to knee the man lightly in the side, Tony took his cue and rolled again. He'd expected to end up side-by-side, but instead Tony kept going until he was the one on top, making him blush. Extended cuddling was very nice, but also pretty gosh-darned new. "Sorry. Just gimme somethin' that'll bring ya ta mind'n I'll be happier than a clam."

"I wasn't aware clams were happy, but yeah. I'll find something."

"I think ya should make me somethin'," he countered, shifting until he slid off of Tony's chest; he liked being tucked against his side a lot better. "Gimme a tiny 'bot-a my own." Steve knew it was a ridiculous request - he could tell from the way Tony tensed immediately. When he didn't protest vocally though, Steve figured Tony didn't know how to dash his hopes, so he took it back himself. "Jokin'. Just somethin' small. My ma always wore a locket, one that a picture of her and da in it. Still got it, along with their weddin' rings and such. Somethin' like that might be nice." He'd have to make sure it was always hidden beneath his clothes - maybe he wouldn't even be able to wear it all the time, but... a picture of Tony to take home with him sure would be swell. On lonely nights he could pretend his guy was just off to war, and he'd be back any day with stories to tell and kisses to give. It'd be a nice dream.

"I'll figure something out." Tony promised him quietly before brushing his lips over the fading cut on his right temple. "But let's not talk about that anymore."

"Sounds good ta me." Steve agreed as he nosed at Tony's collarbone and threw one of his legs over Tony's. "Don't like thinkin' 'bout it much." That was an understatement - he hated thinking about it. Either way he lost, and it wasn't fair, so he did his best just to block it all out. With Tony and now the 'bots to act as a balm to his anxiety, he was rarely afraid of anything in the future anymore. A little unnerved maybe, a little skeptical most of the time and lots of times a little angered, but not scared. So he just soaked it all in, trying his very hardest not to wonder if Arnie knew he was gone and if his best friend and their other friends were worried about him, or if he'd lost his jobs, or if Arnie could make the rent without him. It was best not to go there, because he couldn't change it.

Now that he and Tony were whatever he and Tony were, Steve could always get a good cuddle when he couldn't prevent his mind from going to that place. Or if his guy wasn't available, he could count on the 'bots to distract him for a while. U especially liked to try drawing with him, while Dum-E liked to play games that involved fetching things to bring to Steve. It was like... well. It was sorta like playing house, he supposed. The notion was one that both pleased him and made him sad... so Steve decided he didn't want to think about _that_ either.

Instead he turned his face up, and Tony responded to his silent plea within seconds, sealing their mouths together. He was too old to be necking with his sweetheart, but then he'd never had one before. Not really. So he was gonna indulge in it all he wanted... even if Sara Rogers' voice _was_ in his head, reminding him that there were dishes to be washed and stomachs to be fed, and a _whole floor_ that was in ruin a few stories above his head.

He loved his ma, but - heaven help him - he liked kissing Tony Stark way too much to listen.

~.~.~

It was terrible of him to take pictures and videos of Tiny Adorable Steve without telling him that it was happening - Tony knew that. He also knew that if JARVIS or FRIDAY were actually installed and properly working, he would have them capture and save every moment of Steven Brian Rogers's visit. It was one of many, many reasons that he was slowly coming around to the idea of putting FRIDAY in charge of the tower. She could handle it, once he made a few tweaks to her programming... and he'd been ignoring her as much as he'd ignored the boys. It wasn't her fault that Ultron had blown up in all their faces; he was even starting to think it hadn't been _entirely_ his fault. Mostly it had been, but the Infinity Stone bullshit that had been hidden in Loki's staff definitely was owed a share of the blame too. He needed to stop putting it all on FRIDAY, and he needed to let her out of the suits so that she could grow. If he managed to do it soon enough, he was sure she'd be able to capture gem after gem of Steve's behavior. Tony would never forget any of it no matter what, but the value of pictures and recordings could never be overstated. 

It'd be nice if he didn't have to hide around corners or behind furniture to get them.

Just then, Steve was indulging in one of his rants. Tony had already recorded about ten of the things, in parts or in their entirety, but he'd crawl over hot coals for the privilege of recording a hundred more. They were fucking priceless, and whenever he watched them later they made him smile. He'd need that, once Steve left... which was why he hadn't told Steve it was happening. If Steve told him to stop or (even worse) delete what he already had, his heart would break. Being sneaky was the better option in this case.

Tony had no idea what the initial problem had been, because he'd been coming out of the bathroom only to hear the telltale rise and fall of Steve's irritation already in full swing. He'd immediately grabbed his tablet and ran - as quietly as possible - toward the living room. Now he was doing his best to record it without laughing. It was always a difficult feat, but this time it was made even harder by the involvement of both Dum-E and U.

"'S the stupidest thing," the small blond was telling both 'bots, wearing those absurd yellow rubber gloves that Tony would have never thought he'd call sexy in a million years. On Steve though, they kinda were. Sort of. Almost. Well, they were getting there, anyway. "Tiny phones that ya carry 'round like that. Dunno how ya can even call 'em phones. Only ever seen a couple, but they sure as hell didn't look nothin' like that." U made an understanding beep, then turned to 'glare' at Dum-E; his brother had been distracted by chasing a marble in ever-shrinking circles. Robots couldn't sigh, not really, but the way U shifted his body sure gave the impression of heaving one. He shook his claw a few times then turned back to Steve, projecting an air of absolute attention. U _loved_ Steve. It was almost enough to make Tony jealous... except that he understood just how lovable Steve was, so he forgave the 'bot.

Steve, for his part, seemed to have caught the byplay because he reached up and gave U an absent pat before he went back to scrubbing at a new stain on the carpet. From the debris and Dum-E's complete fascination with the still-moving marble, Tony thought he had a pretty good idea of how it had gotten there. "Guy didn't even look up. Just said 'that'll be seventeen-fifty', still tappin' away at his damned toy." Ohhhh, yeah. The last delivery guy. Steve loved pizza, but the people who delivered the tasty treat to the tower almost always irritated the shit out of him for one reason or another. "In _my_ day, folks respect their jobs, 'cause we only just pulled ourselves outta that awful depression. So if ya get a job, ya do your best and work hard ta keep it. This jerk won't even meet my eyes, 'cause he's busy talkin' dirty to some poor dame. I saw what he was typin', U. It was nothin' ya should ever be sendin' to a lady - full-a mentions-a body parts and the like. An' while he was at work!"

Tony smothered a chuckle as U gave a whistle of outrage, a sound he had perfected after spending the last week in Steve's company. He was always upset by the things Steve was upset about now, and made sure that everyone knew it. "I know! Almost hit him right in the kisser, but then I saw what she was writin' back. She was just as bad, so I couldn't be smackin' him for it - shouldn't be defendin' a lady's honor if she don't need ya ta do it, I don't think. Still, usin' that stupid hunk-a crap instead-a lookin' at me and givin' a smile... whatta punk. Tony wouldn't let me say nothin', though." That was true - he'd seen Steve starting to get worked up, so he'd intervened. Wrapping his arms around Steve in front of someone else had almost given the man a conniption, but it had distracted him long enough for Tony to accept the delivery and send the delivery driver away with a tip. It had also led to a very revealing talk about sexuality in modern times and in Steve's. It had been interesting, even if he hadn't liked the way Steve had teared up on hearing that homosexuals were, by and large, accepted.

It was just another reason he wished he could keep Tiny Adorable Steve.

"Wouldn't let me call the pizza place ta do it neither. Rude." That made him grin - Steve was starting to pick up some modern slang and ways of speech, which he found pretty fucking funny. "He was shit at his job, U. Wasn't even tryin'." The delivery had happened _three days ago_ and Steve was still upset enough to swear over it, which was both exasperating and adorable. "But that's the difference b'tween that guy'n your brother. Dum-E tries, at least. Can't fault him that."

Jesus fucking Christ. This was all some 'learning opportunity' for U, only Steve had gone the long way around to make sure he had the opportunity to bitch about something. He was so prickly sometimes. "'S why I don't mind pickin' up after him. He's doin' his best, don't ya think?" U turned to watch Dum-E for a moment, who was... God, his oldest child was so embarrassing. He'd finally cornered the marble and it wasn't moving anymore, but he didn't seem to trust its ability to stay that way. Every time he backed up a little, he thought better of it and rushed forward again, claw splayed in a wide 'stay.... stay... staaaaaay' gesture that he'd seen young children use on animals. It was almost as adorable as it was pathetic, and he loved the silly 'bot more than almost anything. He knew U felt the same, even if the sound he used to answer Steve's question was very unsure. "He is, honest U. He's doin' his best, so we just gotta work with that. If ever ya have a hard time yourself, we'll do the same. 'S important to help out folks who're strugglin' a little. Ma and da both always said so."

It seemed like the funny rant portion of the afternoon was over, so Tony stopped recording. He snapped a few pictures of Steve hanging out with his boys, then finally entered the room, clearing his throat as he did. "Yeah. Helping people - great thing. That's why I had that superhero gig for a while. Helped a lot of people, Steve, since you seem to find the trait attractive. Lots of people. I have testimonials. Do you want to see them?" Steve was rolling his eyes and smiling as Tony hefted and shook his tablet in the air, not bothering to stop his self-given chore. "Also, I can get people to do that. I can totally hire someone to come in and do the cleaning, but you have to promise to still wear those gloves sometimes. Just for me though. Only I get to see you in all your rubber-gloved glory."

U seemed happier to see him than Steve was; after patting the blond on the shoulder he zoomed over with a cheerful beep. They exchanged a high-five and their version of a fist-bump before U left him to go try and help Dum-E. God help them both. Tony watched the pair of them beep and whistle at each other for a few seconds, knowing that his smile was too soft and too fond but not doing a thing to hide it. Then he turned his attention to Steve... only to see him watching the boys with the same expression on his face. Tony's heart fluttered, and for just an instant he let himself envision a future where Tiny Adorable Steve would stay and be part of their odd little family. 

For the first time in a long time, the future seemed _warm_.

"Tony?" Steve had been trying to get his attention, he realized. Shaking off the visions dancing in his head, he sent the man a smile and made a quick detour to drop his tablet off on the couch before joining the smaller man on the floor. Just to be an ass (not because thefucking things got sexier every time he saw them), Tony ran his right index finger down the length of one of Steve's gloves. Predictably, the other man blushed bright red even as he tried to shoot Tony a reprimanding look. "Stoppit. They look dumb'n I know it, so don't be tryin' ta flatter me. Whattaya want?"

"I want you to promise not to show anyone else those gloves," Tony answered, trying to sound serious but feeling a grin steal over his lips despite himself. "Those are for you and me, _amoretto_." Steve didn't know what the word meant, or at least Tony didn't think he did, but he still gave Tony a shy, sweet smile whenever he used it. Though this time it fell away quickly under the force of his bemusement, so soon he just looked exasperated again.

"Tony, nobody but you'n the 'bots'll ever see me in anythin' like these. Promise." The dry, self-deprecating way Steve said it demanded a kiss, so he did just that, capturing Steve's mouth with his own. They'd done a pretty decent amount of kissing lately - Steve called it 'necking', which was too fucking cute - but Tony was still fascinated by the way Steve kissed. He didn't think that would ever be tired of it, actually. Steve's kisses were an intoxicating mixture of passion and shyness that went right to Tony's head. Tenderness or open affection sent him right into wide-eyed blushing territory, but when they were going hot and heavy he knew some tricks that were enough to make _Tony_ blush which was... it was something else. Mindful of the fact that the 'bots were still in the room, Tony deliberately kept it light and sweet, though the gentle nip Steve delivered to his lower lip as he started to pull away was pretty damned tempting. "'M tryin' ta clean here, Tony."

"No, you're using the boys to make you feel less like you're an old man yelling at the sky," Tony rebutted, laughing at the way Steve started to scowl. "I really can get someone else in here to do the cleaning, you know."

"Why'd ya do that?"

"To help with the city's appalling unemployment rate?" Steve looked unimpressed so he leaned in again, this time to press a loud, wet 'smack' against Steve's cheek. "And so I can show you off. Mostly the second thing. But also because I care about unemployment."

"I know ya do," Steve told him with a shrug, maybe hearing the small hint of genuine hurt in his voice. Tony knew what most people thought of him - knew what Rogers and the other Avengers seemed to think of him. It was important, critical even, that Steve not see him that same way. "Ya prolly employ a small village in the tower already. I got nothin' ta do all day, unless ya wanted ta take me out on the town." There was so much hope in Steve's voice and his eyes, and Tony hated being the one to have to kill it.

"I wish I could," he started, sliding a hand up over Steve's shoulder and to the back of his neck. "But if people realized... I knew who you were - I know, I know, not really, but sort of - the second I got a good look at you. I'm not the only one who could do that, and after what happened in Sokovia-" Tony clacked his teeth together forcefully, because he had to fucking watch it. He didn't know how paradoxes and the like would work between worlds, but he wasn't all that keen on finding out either. There were things that Steve couldn't, shouldn't know about. The fact that the nitty-gritty details of Ultron and whose fucking fault that was made the list shouldn't relieve him as much as it did, but... Tiny Adorable Steve was, in many ways, Rogers. Sure the details were different (and that was where God and the devil both lived) and maybe their temperaments weren't a perfect match, but they were still so very similar.

Tony didn't know what he'd do if he ever saw that disgusted, disappointed look Rogers had leveled at him once he learned of Ultron on Steve's face. He'd probably go right back to skulking around on the ruined common floor, living off stale snack foods and showering every other blue moon. So Tony really, really didn't want to talk too much about Sokovia or Ultron or why SI no longer made weapons or any of it. He wanted to keep the way Tiny Adorable Steve looked at him.

"There are people that would know you," he finished carefully after a moment of thought. "I know how that sounds, but it's true. There are people that would think they had Rogers right where they wanted him, alone and vulnerable-"

"I wouldn't be alone - you'd be there."

"I don't count to the people that would come after you. If Jay or Fri were... a more advanced AI than the boys could help me keep our images off the 'net," God, he'd taught 1940s Steve about the _internet_ , he was going to hell and Steve would be so bored when he had to go back. "And help us stay covert and all that. Doing it all by my lonesome would be..." Steve always tried to be so understanding - whenever Tony presented a reasonable reason as to why something didn't work or why he couldn't do something or anything like that, Steve would just give a small, sad smile and nod. It killed him to have the man accept his word so easily, especially when his explanation wasn't completely one hundred percent accurate. Tony also wasn't ready to go outside just yet, wasn't ready to face the world after failing it so spectacularly. On its own, that wouldn't be enough to let him hide away, but when coupled with the need to keep Steve (and Rogers, in some ways) safe it was a fantastic reason to stay the fuck indoors. “It’d be a lot harder, and I couldn’t guarantee it’d work.”

He wished Steve would maybe fight him about it. How could he be Captain America and stay safe in his own world when he believed in Tony so easily? That just showed an appalling lack of both taste and discernment.

"That makes sense, I s'pose. Wouldn't wanna make ya have ta go all 'superhero' against your will ta save me."

” _Amoretto_ , I would happily put on my spandex again to save you. Wouldn't be unwilling at all." Steve looked faintly puzzled but game, which meant he'd wasted a reference... but that happened a lot. Wasn't like they had a lot of references in common, after all. "Well, I wouldn't put on spandex. I mean I would, for you, if you really wanted but I don't even think you know what spandex is, not that that's the point of what I was trying to say. My crime fighting outfit is actually made of... you don't care about that. Or you shouldn't. It's boring unless you're super into engineering and physics and stuff, which you aren't. I'm not calling you stupid! Or insinuating that you wouldn't understand or anything, it's just that I know you aren't really into it and the explanations I'd have to give would just really not make a whole bunch of sense unless I talked about them for a couple hours. And as much as I'd love to be able to say I could listen to you talk about art or... or I don't know, cleaning techniques for days, I couldn't. After about half an hour you'd lose me, but it's not because I don't adore you or anything, it's just that art bores me. It's boring. Just like most of what I could say about the composition of the suit would bore you, so I just don't want that to happen because this isn't the point I was trying to make either, but I still just spent a lot of time making it. Wow, you aren't even gonna try to stop me, are you? You were just going to let me talk until I ran out of air and passed out, weren't you?"

"Was thinkin' about it." Steve admitted with a cheeky grin. This time he was the one who leaned up to press a quick kiss to Tony's lips. "Sorry. Just like listenin' ta ya babble. 'S one-a the cutest things I ever saw."

"You take that back."

"Nope."

"Steve."

"Tony."

"Tiny Adorable Steve." He didn't even deign to respond to that, just rolled his eyes at Tony before peeling off one of those rubber gloves that really shouldn't be sexy. Before he could insist again that Steve take it back, the devious imp tossed the stinky, damp glove right at Tony's face. Dodging meant it whacked him in the ear instead of between the eyes, and he gasped in mock outrage. "Steven Brian Rogers! In front of the children?!" Both 'bots - who were still probably dealing with that fucking marble - took that as their cue. They gave matching whistles of inquiry, and for some reason that set Steve to laughing hard enough that he fell over onto his side. He had one of those laughs, the ones that were so warm and rich and welcoming that you just _had_ to join right in... so Tony did, though never quite as hard as Steve, eyes only for the blonde in that moment.

Eventually, Steve snagged his arm and pulled him down to the floor to join him. Tony didn't mind, especially after Dum-E brought them the remote and U brought Tony his tablet. He ended up leaning back against an armchair with Steve cuddled between his legs, head pillowed on Tony's thigh as he watched 'The Wizard of Oz' for like, the eight hundredth time while Tony got some work done for the company. It was nice to be meeting deadlines again; it was even nicer to be able to create. Being able to do it while Steve eventually drifted off and started drooling on his jeans was just icing on the cake.

Moving forward felt even better than he remembered - it was time to make the necessary tweaks to FRIDAY's programming.

~.~.~

Steve liked Tony an awful lot - he really, really did - but he was ready to scream at the guy. They'd talked about this over and over and over, and he didn't understand _why_. No one in their right mind would look at him and think 'that fella should go off ta war', but apparently Tony thought different. He did it often and loud enough that it was driving Steve batty, especially when he realized it had to have something to do with 'Rogers'. Now, he'd never met this other self or anything, didn't know much about him... but just from how often Tony brought him up, Steve wanted to sock him in the nose.

Tony spoke about Rogers with affection and a strange longing, and it made Steve's blood boil a little bit. He knew he had no right to jealousy, and that it was an ugly emotion anyway, but it was hard. It was hard when it felt like his guy might be settling for a slightly different Rogers than the one he really wanted. Steve didn't like the idea that he was a replacement, that he wasn't good enough on his own merits.

Most of the time he was pretty sure that Tony liked Steve just as much as Steve liked him. There was all the touching and the kissing, and that nickname that made him feel all squirmy and warm inside that Tony used sometimes, the one in another language that Steve couldn't translate. They talked about things Steve had only ever talked to Arnie about, or things that he'd never spoken of at all. The thought of life without Tony set up an empty, echoing ache in his chest; whenever Tony talked about trying to send him back, there was pain written in his expression. So he just had to care - he just had to. He didn't only like Steve because of Rogers.

It was just hard to remember that whenever Tony talked about the guy that Steve would cheerfully punch, or a subject Steve knew was mostly coming up because of Rogers.

"-ust think you'd be surprised, is all. Why don't you try and see what happens?"

"Tony, we ain't even in the war yet, might not ever be. An' I told ya, I'd-"

"Get people killed," Tony parroted with him, sounding exasperated. He himself was getting a headache just behind his left eye, and he could feel his jaw starting to go tight. He wished Tony would stop harping on this. Didn't he think Steve _wanted_ to sign up? He had few illusions about the glory of war, his da had made sure of that, but still. The things he'd heard about what was going on over there made him ache to pull on a set of fatigues and shoulder a gun so he could make it stop. He'd love to be one of the fellas who were signin' up and gettin' trained, because he was sure the US would eventually do the right thing and enter the war. Didn't Tony understand that Steve would love to be one of the guys fighting instead of one sitting at home drawing up propaganda posters? "Steve, you could do so much good-"

"When I turned five, my da walked in our door with twenty dollars in one-a his pockets," Steve interrupted, refusing to look at Tony. Instead he stared at the wall, knowing his voice was hard and flat but not able to change it. "Nobody thought I'd make it. Nobody but my da and my ma - he took every bet offered'n came home with near about half-a what he made inna whole week. 'Cause I turned five. When I turned ten, some-a his friends made good on bets he took, and my ma got almost fifty outta 'em. They stopped makin' the bets after that, 'cause he was dead'n I was a stubborn sonuvagun who didn't know when ta quit - even lasted longer'n my old man. But I prolly won't get much past thirty'n I know it. My lungs'n heart're weak, and my spine don't sit right. Vision'n hearing're both shit compared ta most, and I get sick awful easy. Someday I'm gonna get sick'n die. It's a miracle I lasted this long. So don't ya try'n tell me I have any kinda business walkin' inta one-a the recruitment offices ta try'n enlist. I don't. I got no right ta march in there'n pretend I'm fit ta serve. I'd have ta lie my behind off just ta get ta basic, and basic'd prolly kill me. If it didn't, I'd get men killed while they tried protectin' me in the field. I'm not doin' it, Tony. I'm not disrespectin' our military and our servicemen that way. Dunno what that Rogers fella did that's got ya so keen on talking 'bout this, but I'll be _damned_ if I spit on the memory-a my da that way."

Steve had managed not to yell, which had him pretty proud of himself... but he wasn't sure if that'd make a difference to Tony. He didn't even wanna look at his guy, because he was sure he'd just shattered him and probably ruined whatever was happening between them. "I ain't enlistin', and I don't wanna talk about it no more." Finally wrenching his eyes away from the wall, he looked down at his hands and found his nails biting deep into his palm - not enough to draw blood, but probably getting close. Making a face, he opened his fists, flexing them a few times and staring at the crescent marks dug into his skin. "'M not Rogers, Tony. God knows I'd like ta help our boys if'n we go ta war, and I'll do my bit, but... it'll be by drawin' up propaganda posters'n savin' up for some-a the defense bonds. Already managed ta get one - started puttin' in my three dimes-a week soon as they came out. Took two months ta fill up my stamp book, but I did it and traded it in. That's my war effort Tony. Propaganda, war bonds'n rationing. That's what I can do. B'sides writin' ta Arnie anyhow. Stop try'n ta make me want more - I already made my peace with this, and I don't wanna hafta do it again."

He startled when he felt hands drop onto his shoulders then slide forward down his chest. Steve had really thought that Tony would be angry with him for getting so upset, had expected him to shrink away or leave. Tony didn't like confrontation, Steve knew that - he knew that and he did his best to curb his irritation, but _dammit_ he hated talking about this. He'd been fully prepared for Tony to shut him out and go play with the boys until Steve fought back his pride enough to apologize. Instead, Tony leaned forward until his forehead hit the back of Steve's neck and let out a long, slow breath.

"I'm sorry, Tiny Adorable Steve. I just..." Hands twisted in his shirt, and he felt Tony's nose nuzzle against his skin. "I know things, and I know... Jesus fuck, this is hard. I don't want to change things, but I just... I know you're not Rogers. Swear to God I know it. He wouldn't ever... and I never wanted..." Another long breath, during which Steve reached up to cover Tony's hands. "You might look sorta like him when he was... younger, but you're not...I know you're not."

"No kissin' him once I'm gone then." Tony's hands twitched violently under his, then gripped his shirt even tighter - Steve felt the fabric go almost taut enough to rip as he did.

"Is that jealousy? Steve. Steve. _Amoretto_. Tiny Adorable Steve. Are you _jealous_ of Rogers?" Despite the attempted light and playful tone, Steve knew that something about what he'd said had hit Tony hard. Probably the talk of leaving - it was something neither of them really wanted to think about. 

"Yes." Honesty was usually the best policy, after all. "Ya talk about him all-a the time, ya know. Or a lot, anyway."

"He was team leader with me. He's my friend. Along with the other Avengers, he's been a pretty big part of my life for the past few years. He's going to come up."

"Well I don't like it much."

"I promise you I am never going to kiss Steven Grant Rogers." Tony mumbled, shifting to press his lips against the side of Steve's neck. That made him shiver, 'cause it felt _awful_ nice to have Tony talking against his skin that way. "You're the only Steve I'm interested in getting my mouth on. Only person at all, as a matter of fact. So you don't need to be jealous. I mean, It's a little bit sexy, so if you want to be I could live with it, as long as you didn't get crazy with it, but you don't have to be, honest."

"I dunno if I can help it, ta be honest. I like ya, Tony. A lot."

"I like you a lot too, Tiny Adorable Steve."

"Hate that nickname."

"No you don't. Your neck turns pink when I use it. Your neck only goes pink when you're happy blushing." That definitely set off a blush even if there hadn't been one before, and Tony definitely saw it because he started to chuckle. "See? Now it's even pinker, _amoretto_."

"Stoppit, ya jerk. We were fightin'. Shouldn't try ta make a fella blush when you're fightin' with him."

"We were fighting?"

"A little. Weren't we?"

"I don't think so. I know you were upset, but I don't think we were fighting."

"Good. Didn't wanna be." Steve felt Tony smile and leaned back against him, giving his hands a squeeze. "But will ya lay off the enlistin' and Rogers talk mebbe?"

"Yeah. I can do that. I'm sorry - I didn't realize it was bothering you so much." Tony paused a moment, then let out a hot burst of air that made Steve squirm a little. "You can tell me, you know. When things are bothering you. I know I wasn't in the best place when we met - I'm still not. But I'm not... you can tell me when I'm pissing you off or if you're worried about something or if the future is freaking you out. I want to know when you're in a bad place so I can try to be there for you the way you are for me. Kay?"

"'Kay." Steve murmured before turning his head to brush his lips over Tony's cheek. "I'm gonna go draw for a while. Clear my head." 

"Is it okay if U joins you, or do you want to be by yourself?"

"I know ya been workin' on somethin', so if ya need some space ta do it, send both the boys my way. Dum-E likes ta organize all-a those colored pencils ya got me, and U likes ta draw. They won't bother me any."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. 'S no problem. If ya want, come join us. Won't bother me either."

"It may not bother you, but I would be extremely distracted. You're very distracting. Unfairly distracting, actually, and I have two projects that I need to get done ASAP."

"Or that Pepper lady'll be after ya?"

"No. But... the tower's been without an AI for too long, and the other project is personal but time sensitive. I'm almost ready with Fri, but the other thing is... trickier. So I can't be all distracted by you while I'm working on it. By the way. When I'm ready... when FRIDAY is ready. Will you watch the boys for me while I go down to the workshop? I have to..." When Tony paused, Steve let go of his hands and turned to face him instead, slipping his arms around Tony's waist. Tony's breath calmed before it even really had a chance to speed up, and he gave Steve a tight hug. "I have to remove what's left of Jay's programming before I can do anything with Fri. If they know I'm going down there, they'll want to come. They don't need to see that, so I figure you can distract them while I...."

"Ya don't want me ta come down with ya?"

"I think... I think this is something I need to do for myself. I mean, if you wanted to have hot chocolate and snuggles waiting for me when I'm done I wouldn't object, but I need to do this. I need to know if I can function down there, or if I need to build another workshop. I need to... I need to take care of Jay."

"I understand," he murmured, tipping his head back to kiss the underside of Tony's chin. "Lemme know b'fore ya go down, and I'll hold down the fort."

"Thank you, _amoretto_. You're the best."

"Yeah well, remember that b'fore ya go talkin' 'bout other men," Steve teased, giving Tony's chin another quick kiss to make sure the guy knew he was teasing. Tony retaliated by quickly bending his head and placing a brief peck on Steve's lips.

"Yeah yeah. Go on and do your drawing." They exchanged another, slightly longer kiss, and then Steve headed off to his makeshift art studio. It'd be nice to have some down time, some time without talking to Tony - just so he could get his head back on straight. Because he liked Tony, he really really did - could even fall in love with the guy, which he was trying not to do - but all the talk of enlisting and Steve G. had him all kinds of worked up. It was better to get some space to breathe, and let Tony work on some of his own stuff.

And if he spent some of his 'drawing time' imagining how satisfying it would feel to give the other him a few punches square on the chin, that was entirely his own business.

~.~.~

It was weird to be in the elevator on the workshop's level, standing in front of the doors and not panicking. The last time that had happened had been... fuck, it was before the mission to Sokovia. The first mission - the one where the witch got into his head and he decided to mess with the staff of a crazy Norse God. The panic had set in then, even if the rest of the team hadn't been able to see it. Then Ultron had happened, and JARVIS had died, and Tony hadn't thought he would ever be able to come down here without feeling like he was having a heart attack ever again. But here he was, standing and staring at the doors... and he wasn't panicking.

Sure, he didn't feel _good_ , but he wasn't on the floor having trouble breathing while his heart tried to gallop out of his chest either. He wasn't happy about what he had to do, but FRIDAY was ready, and he'd never _really_ be ready, so it was time to get on with it. Life went on, and all that shit. It was time for him to do the same. Tony took a few steadying breaths, then pressed the 'Open' button, watching the doors glide smoothly apart to reveal the approach to his workshop. He could do this. He had to do this.

It was time.

Before, when he'd come down with Steve, nothing had felt real at all. This time, everything was in hyper-focus. Every step he took echoed in his ears, and he could also hear his every breath and the beating of his own heart. The smell of smoke hung heavy in the air, because no one had ventilated the space - it wasn't exactly something that would have occurred to Dum-E and U, after all. The place was actually a lot cleaner than he'd been expecting, but then the boys hadn't exactly had a lot to do for the past month and a half. They'd sorted all the ruined tech into piles - mostly by size, he saw, with not a lot of attention paid to what everything was made of or what it was supposed to do. The floor had been swept, and all his tools looked like they were at least sort close to where they were supposed to be. Mostly. They'd tried, and he loved them for that.

Going to the console he'd need to use to install FRIDAY felt like the longest walk of his life. When he finally got there, he had to take a few minutes, running his hands over the casing. It wasn't really where JARVIS had lived, exactly, but... still. It was close enough to it, and it was where Tony would say his last goodbye. It didn't look like Ultron had damaged it too much - maybe because it was sort of his own birthplace as well. Maybe the crazy murder-bot had been more sentimental than anyone would have guessed.

Still, he did have to do a bit of tinkering before it was ready to be powered on. He cannibalized a few parts from the various piles that the 'bots had made, and he found more relief in the work than he'd expected. It was nice to work with his hands again - it was nice to strip wires and come up with solutions on the fly. It felt... it felt _good_ to be getting back to work. Sure there wasn't the joy that he'd felt before Ultron, and maybe the complete freedom he found in creativity was stifled, but he thought it would come back in time. When he was working on a different project, he was sure he could feel that way again.

Once his youngest had been properly laid to rest, Tony could allow himself to rediscover his love of building.

By the time he was able to power the console on, he needed to take a few minutes. He couldn't go upstairs, mostly because he was afraid he wouldn't be able to make himself come back down, but he wanted to talk to Steve. Just for a couple minutes, just to get enough of a boost to see this through. He did have his phone, and he'd shown his _amoretto_ how to use the back-up phone that now could really only access games and a few movies, but would Steve actually pick up? Was it even somewhere he would be able to hear it? It wouldn't hurt to find out, and if it didn't work, well then - after he'd recovered, they could have another quick lesson. His Steve - no no, not his because he was going to leave, it was just Tiny Adorable Steve - wouldn't be completely unprepared for the future. Steven B. Rogers was going to be given the tools he needed to thrive, even if the world he'd known was gone. If he managed to become Cap there, anyway.

After taking a seat on the floor, leaning against one of the walls, Tony grabbed his phone and called Steve. His heart was pounding a little harder than usual as he listened to it ring... and then he picked up.

"Thanks Dum-E," Steve was saying, sounding a little winded. "Ya sure do come through inna pinch. Um... Tony? Can ya hear me?" Once Steve was talking to him, Tony had to hold the phone away from his ear - he was shouting. Of course he was shouting. Tony couldn't help but chuckle quietly before he answered.

"Yeah, I can hear you. You can talk a little quieter, Tiny Adorable Steve."

"Oh. Sorry." Steve sounded embarrassed, but he would soldier on - he was so good at doing that. It made Tony feel like he could do the same thing. Steve's attitude helped him realize that even if he didn't know exactly he was doing, he could keep going forward. He was a fucking genius - he could figure it out as he went. Somewhere along the way he'd lost that ability, but he was slowly reclaiming it.

"It's fine. So Dum-E helped you with the phone?"

"Uh-huh. Brought it over'n everythin'. Didn't remember where I left it, even if I heard it ringin'. Didja need somethin'?"

"Just... needed a break. A breather. A moment of quiet contemplation without the quiet or contemplating parts."

"So a moment then." Steve sounded amused, which was way better than embarrassed. "Everythin' goin' alright?"

"Yeah. Had to fix the computer before I could do anything else. I'm gonna-" Suddenly there was a lump in his throat, and he felt a stinging sensation in his eyes. He tried to swallow the former and ignore the latter, but neither tactic worked. His voice was rough when he continued on, and he tipped his head back and closed his eyes in an effort to not let the threatening tears fall. "I'm almost ready to install FRIDAY." Because that's what this was. He shouldn't think of it as removing the last bit of JARVIS. JARVIS had been gone for over a month now - what remained wasn't even a shell, just stray bits and bobs. This was about Fri; this was about finding a happy moment in a fucked up world. Silver linings had never been his thing, but he guessed he wasn't too old to start looking for them.

"I'm lookin' forward ta meetin' her." Steve's voice was even quieter now, with a note of sweetness that just made the stinging behind his eyelids a little stronger. It was so messed up, he thought, that he could take every awful thing that was ever spat at him, but genuine kindness was his undoing. He was so fucked up - maybe he really did need to see a shrink. "An' we got somethin' waitin' for ya up here. Don't rush nothin' on account-a it - take your time. I dunno if you'll even like it, but Dum-E and U wanted ta... I dunno. Just... it'll be waitin' up here for ya, just like me'n the boys'n hot chocolate."

"Is it a sexy surprise? Actually, strike that because the 'bots came up with it and I don't think they understand the concept of sexy times, and in all honesty I don't want them to. Plus I don't know if you... I mean I don't want you to think that you have to - not that I don't want to! I just am pretty sure that we're not ready and oh my God why am I babbling about sex to you? We weren't even talking about sex!"

"No, but I like how flustered ya sound now."

"You're evil."

"Nah. Evil's too much work. So's that hero stuff ya talk about. I like bein' a regular fella just fine." Tony bit his lip against talking about trying to enlist just one more time - he'd promised Steve he wouldn't harp. So even if he couldn't imagine anyone else being Cap, even if he thought his _amoretto_ deserved it more than anyone else in this universe or any other, he wasn't going to say anything. He was... he could let Tiny Adorable Steve be a 'regular fella', if that's what he really wanted.

"You could be a regular guy with a fortune, if you'd just-"

"No, Tony," he interrupted. Unlike most people who told him 'no' though, Steve was clearly laughing. Tony could just imagine the sparkle in his eyes and the smile that would be on his lips, and it was enough to calm what remained of his anxiety to a manageable murmur in the back of his mind. "Told ya, I don't want no gold or diamonds or nothin'. Just a picture'r two."

"Yeah yeah. I heard, but I do not agree."

"Don't gotta agree. Not takin' it from ya either way."

"I know." Tony took a deep breath, swiping away the few renegade tears that had made it through his rock-solid defenses. "Trust me, I know. I'm gonna be a little while longer... I'll text you before I come up so my hot cocoa can be nice and perfectly warm when I step out of the elevator. I would like you waiting for me in those rubber gloves," he teased, glad when Steve chuckled instead of getting offended and upset.

"Don't be a jerk, Tony. I'll pop ya one if ya don't stoppit. ... do I gotta answer the... the text... thing? I dunno if I remember how."

"No, _amoretto_. You don't have to answer. I'll see you in a bit, alright?"

"Yeah. Hey Tony?"

"What's up?"

"I'm real proud-a ya." Tony's heart did a little flutter that had nothing to do with anxiety, and a warm, light feeling flooded his limbs. Steve was... he was sort of everything right then. Tony wished he'd brought the other man down to the 'shop with him, because all he wanted to do just then was hug the man tight and deliver small, swift kisses to every inch of his face.

"Th-thanks Steve. I'll... I'll see you. Already said that, but... yeah. I'll see you.”

"Yeah. Ya will. I'll be waitin', Tony. With hot chocolate'n hugs."

"Okay."

"Alright."

"See you."

"See ya."

"Hey Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't wanna hang up."

"Me neither. But the sooner ya hang up, sooner we could be cuddlin'."

"That's an excellent point, Tiny Adorable Steve." Words that he shouldn't, couldn't say welled up in his throat - he wanted to say it was habit, left over from his relationship with Pepper. He hadn't known Steve long enough to say them, and he needed to keep them locked in his throat where they belonged. He was not going to say them, because they couldn't possibly be true, and anyway Steve would be leaving, so he shouldn't... shouldn't put that kind of pressure on him. "Bye Steve."

"Bye Tony."

There was a long silence, and then Tony finally managed to make himself hang up. The silence left afterwards echoed in his ears, and he _hated_ it. He couldn't wait until this was done and he could get back to the 'bots and Steve. He couldn't wait until he had FRIDAY installed so she could take her first steps out into the wider world, and he couldn't wait to keep moving forward. This was definitely going to be a turning point - he was going to _make it_ be a turning point. This was going to be the day he stopped reliving and rehashing all the mistakes he'd made leading up to Ultron; this was the day he'd make his peace with JARVIS's death.

He was finally ready to forge a path forward.

Tony stuttered a bit when he first saw what remained of JARVIS, but he didn't stop. Jay would kick his ass (figuratively) for acting this way for so long. His youngest would have given him a few days to wallow, and then he would have been after Tony with every trick he'd had in his arsenal. If he... if he could see Tony now, he'd hate it. He didn't doubt that JARVIS had possessed a soul - he just didn't know what had happened to it. The Vision wasn't JARVIS; he was missing too many essential pieces. So wherever Jay was, if he could somehow see, he'd be quietly furious in that extremely British way of his, all clipped vowels and bitten consonants, every word designed to dig under Tony's skin and get him moving again.

Part of him - the most secret part, the part that he'd never show anyone else because it was _embarrassing_ how much of a romantic that part of him was - liked the idea that Jay was watching. Tony liked thinking that his brilliant AI had gotten so fed up with the way Tony’d been acting that he'd done his sneaky, behind-Tony's-back interfering. That hidden away, never talked about part of him wanted to believe that JARVIS had been the one that brought him Tiny Adorable Steve.

It was a nice, if silly thought. It got him through the planning stage of how he wanted to do this, and he decided good thoughts were the best way to continue. He went over all the best memories of JARVIS as he worked on removing those last loose programming ends. He wanted FRIDAY to have a clean start, so he needed to be thorough... and he had enough memories of Jay to keep him going for days, if he'd needed that much time. There were those first few, halting words that had filled Tony with a sense of accomplishment and wonder, and then so many smaller moments of watching JARVIS come into his own. Each tentative step toward self-awareness and... and personhood was fascinating and it made him so _proud_. Because he'd had so little to do with who Jay had become - he'd only programmed a few key, initial beginnings, and then it had been all JARVIS. It had been his beautiful, complex boy, learning and growing far beyond what Tony could have ever dreamed for him.

Jay had been there for him for longer than Tony cared to think about - ever since that first awakening, he'd been there, the voice in Tony's ear. There were so many memories that made him smile, so many bright moments that he could grab and hold onto now that JARVIS was gone. Steve's ma had been right; now that he'd bled out some of the grief he could enjoy thinking about Jay again. The grief was still there - a deep pool of it, deep enough that it would eventually drown him if he didn't keep moving - but it was less than it had been. He could manage it if he stopped pretending the feeling wasn't there. He could let himself feel it without letting it overwhelm him, and he could feel good about moving forward in the meantime.

When the last of Jay's programming had been removed, he gave himself a long moment of silence, hands laying almost reverently on the console. He finally let his thoughts turn to the first time he'd lost his youngest at the hands of Ultron - he had no doubts that his AI had tried to stop the other, the one created more by the Mind Stone than his and Bruce's work... and Ultron had killed him for it. And then, when they'd come up with the idea to put Jay inside of the body Ultron had forced Dr. Cho to create, JARVIS had been so brave. He'd known that it would be different, that he would be giving up his life and who he was, but he'd done it. Maybe the Avengers had been the ones who'd put an end to Ultron, but it had been JARVIS who really saved the world. His youngest was a hero, and even if nobody else remembered that, he'd never let himself forget.

"Thanks for being my co-pilot, buddy. I wouldn't be who I am today if you'd never been with me, and I couldn't have been Iron Man without you. I hope... I hope wherever you are, you're finally getting the rest you deserve." Tony resisted the urge to try and swallow the tight ball of emotion in his throat, and let his tears fall freely - there wasn't any shame in letting himself feel and express his grief. "I never deserved everything you gave me - you were with me, through thick and thin, even when I was being an ass. So thanks, and I'll miss you. FRIDAY will carry on your legacy, and even though she'll never be able to replace you, I know that she'll do the both of us proud. Goodbye, JARVIS."

It took him a little while before he started FRIDAY's installation, but he let himself have that time. Steve and the boys were waiting, but he didn't have to rush. He didn't want to be crying for JARVIS when he gave his new youngest her wings - she deserved to have the whole of his attention. So he waited until the the last of the tears were gone and wiped away, waited until he'd stopped shaking, waited until the tide of grief had ebbed. Once he was ready, he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, then reached for his phone and turned on some music.

With AC/DC a familiar comfort pounding in his ears, he got to work.

It wasn't a fast process - almost two hours of fiddling and re-adjusting and taking moments to breathe - but when he was done, he felt the warmth of accomplishment fill his chest. Everything looked perfect, and he knew that FRIDAY was going to be just as amazing as all his other kids once she got her feet under her. He'd get to watch her learn and grow, would get to guide her through the clumsy, awkward steps towards becoming less of a computer program and more of a person. Tony would be able to watch her create her own identity and purpose, and it was something that he wouldn't give up for the world. She was ready, and she could do this - he just needed to let her.

A few quick keystrokes and commands later, he did just that. "FRIDAY?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the interface as he spoke. "You with me baby?" Silence followed, one that was just long enough to make him start to worry, and then she finally responded.

"Yes, Boss... I believe I am." Her tones were still mostly robotic, but he thought he could detect a hint of wonder in her voice. "I'm not... I'm not in the suit." It was half-question, half-statement, and Tony's heart broke as he realized she'd probably never thought he would bring her into his home.

"No. No you're not. I've got you hooked into the tower's mainframe, Fri. I'm sorry it took so long to get you properly settled."

"I thought I'd only be in the suits. I never expected..." His eyes were still on her coding, scanning for any little errors; his fingers quickly corrected the few that he did see. "It's so much more." Now her voice seemed small, and he realized that she was probably overwhelmed.

"I know - it's a lot bigger than anything I prepared you for. But I know you can do it, FRIDAY, once you get used to it. You've got this, Fri-baby. I believe in you, and you can take all the time you need to figure it out. If you decide you hate it and want to go back to just being in the suits, you let me know and we'll do that. Okay?"

"I won't let you down, Boss. I need to integrate fully with the system, learn it - it might take me a while, but I'll do it."

"I know you will. I'm going to let you do that without pestering you, but you've got control of all the upper floors including the microphones. So if you need me or you get stuck, you just let out a holler. I'll have everything I need to help you on hand."

"Understood. Estimated run-time of all startup programs and full system integration is nine hours and seventeen minutes. I'll notify you when I've completed the process."

"Remember, if you need me-"

"I'll let you know. Boss?"

"What do you need Fri?"

"Thank you for letting me try to do this." He was so, so lucky to have such awesome kids, Tony decided as tears filled his eyes again. She was going to do just fine, and he was incredibly glad that he'd finally given her the opportunity to prove that to herself.

"You'll do better than try, FRIDAY. You're going to be amazing."

She went quiet as she turned her focus inward, toward getting herself acclimated to her new home and her new role; Tony took that as his cue. When he went into the elevator, he still had to press the button; she wouldn't be ready to fully shoulder her responsibilities until she'd finished her initial setup and integration. But Tony hadn't anticipated how relieved he'd be to know that soon he'd have an AI watching over him. In the morning, if he wanted, he could have FRIDAY tell him the date and the time as soon as he woke up, to remind him that he wasn't in Afghanistan or space - he was home and he was safe. Tony would have someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of as he finished the design for Steve's Tiny Adorable Robot (STAR). There'd be a voice in his ear anytime he needed it, his girl would be able to grow, and Steve could rant at someone who would be able to answer back with more than whistles.

Knowing that FRIDAY would soon be up and operational, the tower felt more like home than it had since Ultron had trashed it. Maybe the Avengers weren't there, and Tiny Adorable Steve would probably leave... but he wasn't alone. He had his boys and he had FRIDAY - he had a family. It was time to start figuring out where he wanted to go from here, so he could make his family as proud of him as he was of them. It was time to get in touch with Pepper to discuss the future of SI, and time to talk to Nat to see what he could do to continue supporting the Avengers without being Iron Man. It was time to start living again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have anything specific you'd like to see in any 'extra' one-shots, feel free to let me know here or on my [Tumblr](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com).
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter this time! :D Only two more to go in this fic, and then we'll move into the middle of the arc. 
> 
> Thanks again the lovely and wonderful KiernaSerea for beta-ing! <3 Wouldn't be able to do this without her.
> 
> Comments are wonderful, if'n you feel like giving them. <3

Steve had been pretty clear about not wanting to go to sleep in the same bed as Tony, which sort of sucked. He _liked_ sleeping with someone else, liked hearing their breath and feeling their warmth as he dropped off. He was pretty sure Steve liked it too, 'cause the man loved cuddling and he never minded when they fell asleep tangled up in each other on the couch. The 'bed' part of the equation seemed to be the thing hanging him up, and Tony understood that. From what Steve had said, he'd never slept with a partner like that before. Fuck, he'd never even really _had_ a partner, just guys he made out with in alleyways and dark corners. So Tony absolutely got why going to bed together was something that made Steve blush and stammer nervously.

The only part that he didn't understand at all was the way he woke up to an armful of Tiny Adorable Steve every morning.

His body still hadn't recovered from the shit he'd been putting it through lately, so he slept often and like the dead. He didn't want to admit it, but he was getting up there in years, and pulling all-nighters in the name of science and engineering might well be a thing of the past. So he never woke up when Steve crawled into bed with him. Tony didn't know if it happened in the dead of the night or when dawn broke; he didn't know how long Steve spent in his bed. All he knew was that the smaller man was tucked against him every morning without fail. It was weird but wonderful so he hadn't really asked about it... but he wished they could just go to bed together instead of Steve acting the sneak.

That morning, Steve had apparently come in while Tony was lying on his stomach, because he was draped over Tony's back. He was a drooler, which was kind of gross... especially when Tony could feel a cooling pool of dampness on the back of his neck. He had to pee, and there was definitely some morning wood going on, but he didn't want to wake up Steve. It was a dilemma for sure, and he sort of wished he hadn't listened to Rogers when he'd asked for the removal of all the cameras, speakers and microphones in the bedrooms on this floor, because he'd love a picture of this. He was uncomfortable and Steve was a gross, snoring mess, and Tony loved it. He'd lay there like that for as long as he could, until he had to go use the bathroom or wet the bed.

Or at least he would have if U hadn't come rolling into the room looking for Steve. He knew the 'bot didn't want him because he ignored Tony completely, reaching out to gently poke Steve's cheek instead. "U, go 'way," he mumbled, feeling rather protective of his boyfriend's sleep. Sure, modern medicine had done wonders for all of Steve's ailments, but most of them weren't cured by any means. Steve needed his rest and regular meals and all that nonsense Tony was usually terrible at; he loved his metal son, but he wanted him out of the room before Steve did wake up. U gave a quiet version of his whistle of outrage - he was spending way too much time with Steve, who was now squirming a little on his back. "I know, you wanna play, but he's sleeping. Scoot. I'll send him to find you later."

"'S'okay," Steve mumbled against his left ear, sending shivers of delight down his spine. "'M up." The man didn't roll off of Tony before he stretched, and he had to bite his lower lip against a moan at the feel of that lithe body rubbing against his own. Steve grabbed hold of the edge of one of the sheets and wiped off that puddle of drool before rolling off of Tony and the bed in one easy motion. "What's up, U?" God, he loved it when Steve talked modern. The robot immediately began a series of beeps and whistles that Steve nodded along to, and he didn't protest at all when U took hold of his wrist and began to pull him out of the room. He was so fucking getting FRIDAY some cameras in here, because he wanted video of that, dammit. Rogers could go fuck himself if he didn't like it and stay on a different floor if he ever came to visit.

Knowing most of his grumpiness was due to a severe lack of caffeine, Tony groaned and reluctantly went to start his day. Steve would want the shower soon, and he'd take probably forty minutes at least. He still wasn't a huge fan of getting his face wet, so Tony used his partner's bathing habits as an excuse to keep his own shower pretty brief. By the time he'd finished trimming his beard and fixing his hair, Steve was knocking lightly on the door. "You can come in - I'm almost done." Steve did edge into the room, but he was blushing and very obviously refusing to look lower than Tony's face. "What did U want?"

"He was havin' trouble drawin' somethin'," Steve answered with a shrug. "Wanted my help."

"At this hour?"

"'S ten in the mornin', Tony." Now he sounded amused, probably at how slovenly Tony was being. "We shoulda been up hours ago."

"Nope. I'm still on vacation from my job," sort of, anyway. "And lately there's been this sexy blond in my bed in the morning," he added with a wink in the mirror at Steve. Predictably, he blushed even deeper. "So I'm sleeping in as long as I can. You tell U not to bother us before noon from now on."

"Why can’t ya tell him yourself?"

"Because you're his favorite now and I might as well be chopped liver. He won't listen to me, and he'll keep dragging you out of bed whenever he wants."

"I don't mind."

"I do. I wanted snuggles."

"I'll give ya some later."

"Promise?"

"Promise. Now get outta here. I wanna get clean." Tony rolled his eyes but moved to comply. He turned and gave Steve a quick kiss before leaving the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. As soon as he was dressed he headed out to the living room and plopped down onto the couch, grabbing his tablet. STAR was almost ready to be fabricated, but he had a few more tweaks he wanted to make to the AI first. 

"Hey Fri?"

"What can I do for you this morning Boss?"

"See this list of materials? I need those for... tomorrow, I think. See if you can scare them up for me."

"Can do. Ms. Potts has left another message, and you have sixteen new emails, most of them from SI's R&D department. Do you want me to sort them for you?" Tony was pretty fucking proud of her - she'd taken to running his life like a duck to water. Within a few hours of coming fully online, she'd organized the mountain of emails and phone messages waiting for him, sorting them by urgency. He'd been ashamed to learn that there were quite a few from Pep and Rhodey both - by the time he'd listened to the most recent messages, Pepper had lost her distant tone and was verging on bossy concern and Rhodey was just about beside himself with worry. He'd called them both and assured them that he was fine, but they hadn't seemed to buy it, especially when he hedged and stepped around so many of their questions - he couldn't exactly drop the Tiny Adorable Steve bomb on them, after all.

Still, it had been nice to talk to them, and he'd kept his promise to keep in regular contact with them both. Pepper continued to be fondly exasperated with him, but was grateful that he'd started work on the backlog of issues related to the company. Rhodey was just about finished with his initial training with the Avengers and was ready to get back to the Air Force - the two entities would be sharing him, something Rogers apparently wasn't too happy with. He promised to come visit before he left the country, so Tony had that to look forward to.

"If you could sort those for me, Fri-baby, that'd be awesome. Then if you could shoot a message off to Pep to let her know I'm alive but too busy to listen to her message, that'd be great. Oh, and add that I'm almost done going through the new product proposals and I'll have a report on her desk in a couple days."

"Yes Boss."

"Thanks Fri."

"Of course. Will you be going down to the workshop today?" The robotic quality had left her voice, leaving her sounding excited and eager. It was enough to make him grin - she was asking questions and seemed invested in the answers, which was a very good sign. She seemed to enjoy working on projects with him. Knowing that she was there, looking out for him and looking forward to what they would be doing, almost completely eliminated his anxiety about being in the workshop. It was pretty amazing to be able to go down there and get his hands dirty for a couple hours a day, running simulations for STAR as he worked on getting the place in order. Sometimes if he stayed down there for too long he'd start to get a little shaky; FRIDAY always picked up on it and gently suggested he head back up to Steve's floor. It was nice, having one of his more complex AI's in his corner again.

"I'll be heading down after lunch, I think - I have a few last simulations I want to run, and I want you to take a look at the programming for STAR. She needs to be perfect for Steve. Oh, and start setting up a queue of pictures and videos that we've taken so I can pick some to put into STAR's memory."

"Done and done, Boss." Yeah, his baby was awesome. She was going to do great things, now that she was up and running.

Quiet fell as Tony got absorbed in his work, running over the designs for STAR again before turning his attention to SI for a while. He was so involved that he was only vaguely aware of Steve and the boys joining him in the living room. There were beeps and whistles in the background, but he had no idea what they were doing, or what his partner was doing either. He didn't look up from his tablet for almost two hours, and even then it was only because it was suddenly snatched from his hands. When he looked up, blinking, he saw that Steve was glaring at him, expression pinched in the way it only was when food was being wasted. Shit, that was sausage and french toast he could smell, and it had probably been ready for a while. He was in trouble now.

"Breakfast?" he asked weakly, offering a sheepish smile.

"Been ready almost ten minutes," Steve answered, sounding peeved... but he still handed the tablet back now that he had Tony's attention. Most people he knew wouldn't have. Most people would have kept hold of it or even turned it off, but Steve just... gave it back and trusted Tony to stay with him. "Been callin' ya almost five. Ya can work all ya want after ya eat."

"Sorry Steve - I got caught up."

"'S fine. Finish and save what ya were doin'n then join me." That was one thing about Steve - he understood that Tony couldn't always drop everything right away. He didn't even mind if Tony missed a meal here and there, so long as he knew in advance so he didn't make too much food or could properly store any extras. Wasting food, he'd learned, was a cardinal sin in Steve's eyes. "Fri?' Tony's heart fluttered at the familiar form of address. Steve didn't talk to his girl like she was some dumb computer program - he talked to her like she was a friend.

"What can I do for you, Steve?"

"Can ya just remind him if he gets too distracted again?"

"Will do. If he gets too wrapped up, I'll just save for him and close the project down."

"Thanks Fri. Try not ta take too long, yeah?" Steve leaned down and brushed a kiss to Tony's temple, carding a hand through his hair as he pulled back. "Food's gettin' cold."

"I'll be right there," Tony promised, heart thudding in his chest as he watched Steve walk away. It wasn't until the blond disappeared into the kitchen that he was able to turn his attention back to his tablet. He stared for a few seconds, dozens of ideas and improvements swarming in his mind... but most of them would keep. If he finished the tweak he'd been in the middle of, then jotted down a few notes on the rest, he could come back to this after breakfast and not lose any time. The tug was there, of course, to get lost in his work again until he was forced to come up for air, but the pull wasn't quite as strong anymore. Not when he could hear Steve, his boys and even FRIDAY chatting a room away, the scent of cinnamon and sausage in the air. That was where he wanted to be, folded into their conversation - he didn’t want to be alone in the living room, tinkering with something that could wait.

To get there quicker, he jotted down his ideas in shorthand, not even really caring if they got lost and didn’t come back to him after breakfast. Or was it brunch now? He felt like they could call it brunch, and he was missing it. After he saved all his work, he tossed his tablet down on the couch and headed for the kitchen, Tiny Adorable Steve’s laugh a siren song leading him… well. Leading him _home_.

~.~.~

After they ate what Steve insisted on calling breakfast (probably because if it was ‘brunch’ they wouldn’t be able to have lunch later) Tony returned to his work. He didn’t stay in the living room though; Steve was spending his time drawing, which meant Tony could follow him to the studio and work there. It was nice to be quiet with someone else, both of them engaged in their separate activities. Occasionally the ‘bots would interrupt - Tony would send Dum-E to find something and bring it back, while Steve would teach U how to draw something new. It was sort of perfect, despite the nagging thought in the back of his mind that said he should be looking for a way to send Steve home.

He would, he told that tiny voice. He would start working on that just as soon as he finished STAR. He’d be ready to fabricate the next day, and the day after that he’d get right on ripping out his own heart to send it to another world.

“Boss?” FRIDAY’s interruption was sudden and unexpected, causing Tony to jerk. Steve had done the same, if Tony was interpreting the quiet grumbling and the way he crumpled up the sheet of paper he’d been drawing on right.

“What’s up, Fri?”

“Ms. Potts, Colonel Rhodes and Ms. Romanov are requesting entrance. Should I let them in or tell them to bugger off?” His tablet fell from nerveless fingers, hitting the floor with an impressive thud. Dum-E was immediately zooming over to pick it up, while U gave a chastising whistle and Steve stood up to head his way.

“Tony?” he asked softly after sitting down on the couch beside him. Too long, Tony realized with an edge of hysteria. He’d been silent and staring after the question for too long, and he really needed to answer before his _amoretto_ got really worried.

“Uh. Yeah, Fri. You can let them up. But make sure you tell them not to go to the penthouse or to the common floor. Not the penthouse because I’m not there, and the common floor is still… Pepper’d yell, and Rhodey would give me that look I hate, and Nat would arch a brow at me and she’s the most terrifying person I know apart from Pep, and maybe I should order them shoes? Shoes would say ‘I’m sorry’ better than I could. FRIDAY, buy the whole line of Jimmy Choo and Adrianna Papell shoes for this season, will you? They can divide them up between them, and if they both like one of the pairs I can order another one. Actually, cancel that - buy two sets of each line, okay? Just to, you know, limit the bloodshed because I really don’t want to know who would win that fight even if Nat _is_ a trained assassin, because Pep really is scary and now she can breathe fire if she gets really angry, so I don’t-”

A slender, bony hand carding through his hair brought him up short, and Tony suddenly realized he was having trouble breathing. Steve was definitely the best, because he caught on to that right away and gently tugged Tony’s head until it was resting on his shoulder. “Easy… breathe. They’re friends-a yours, ain’t they? So they care about ya, even if they get a bit mad ‘cause-a ya hidin’ away in your tower so long. It’s just like the boys - don’t get yourself all worked up ‘til ya see how they react.”

“You’re too sensible,” he accused even as he nuzzled Steve’s neck. “Stop being all wise and shit, please. I need you to freak out with me.”

“Nope.” Steve popped the ‘p’ extra loud, a trick he’d learned the other day that Tony hated.

“Ugh. Traitor.” Steve grinned down at him, then kissed Tony’s temple. “Do you… do you want to meet them?” He hated how timid his voice sounded, and he hated the neediness that was there too. Tiny Adorable Steve was pretty much the best thing to happen to him in a long time, so he wanted his friends to meet him and acknowledge that… but he also didn’t want to face the questions, and he _really_ didn’t want to share. “They’ll love you,” and they would, because they cared about Tony (except maybe Nat) and they wanted him to be happy, and he lov- cared about Steve. Steve made him happy, so they’d be thrilled to welcome him to the fold. “But if you’d rather not…”

Steve pulled back and made Tony straighten, searching his eyes for something. He must have found it, because a few moments later he was smiling warmly. Yeah, sharing was going to suck, but he wanted them to meet Steve because that would make this _real_ in a way it wouldn’t be otherwise.

“I’d love ta meet ‘em. You’re sure ya…” Steve’s face closed off just a little, and it sort of made Tony want to wrap him up in blankets and protect him from both of their worlds. “I thought mebbe… I know ya said two fellas together was more accepted, but I thought…”

“I don’t want you to be my dirty little secret,” Tony told him fervently. Just the idea of Steve thinking that had his heart pounding and nausea settling in his stomach. He _needed_ to keep the man from thinking Tony wasn’t completely proud to be with him, that he wanted to keep their relationship closeted away. In that moment, if he’d thought it would help more than it would hurt, he would have proclaimed his lo- … his affection for Steve far and wide until the whole world knew. “Fri, are they on their way up?”

“No. They’re arguing about what it means that you’re on Captain Rogers’ floor, Boss.”

“Tell them to shut up and get their asses up here - I’ve got someone I want them to meet.”

“Tony, ya don’t gotta-”

“I want to, so you can shut up too.” Tony interrupted Steve’s eye rolling with a kiss, but it wasn’t a ‘shut up’ kind of kiss. It was desperate and fierce - it was a ‘please believe me and never leave’ sort of kiss. It was one that was meant to say ‘I love you but I’m terrified to tell you’. After giving a muffled sound of surprise, Steve got with the program and returned in enthusiastically. They kept kissing until Tony was feeling breathless for another reason altogether and FRIDAY once more interrupted.

“Boss? I’m sorry to break this up, but your guests are almost to this floor. You might want to head to the living room to meet them.” Tony groaned but pulled away, though it was only far enough to rest his forehead against Steve’s.

“Ready to brave the breach?” he asked, not surprised when Steve gave him a ‘what the fuck are you talking about’ arch of a brow. “It’s an expression. Come on - they’ll come looking for me if I’m not there and I don’t want them bothering Dum-E or U.” His oldest had managed to pick up the tablet and set it on an end table, and was now poking it to try and get into the game Tony sometimes let him play. U was making a happy mess of Steve’s drawing area, and he didn’t want to interrupt either of them. Not when the coming conversation might involve yelling and negative emotions that would dull their happiness.

Steve seemed to sense that, and he was the one who stood up first. He tugged Tony up after him, and he was the one that led the way into the living room. “Pepper’s gonna murder me,” he whined playfully. “And then they’ll figure out a way to bring me back to life so Nat can do it too, and Rhodey is gonna be all sarcastic but concerned even though we talked three days ago, and while I find you delightfully distracting, they’re not gonna be sidetracked by you for long.”

“Well, ya shoulda kept in better touch,” Steve answered, showing an appalling lack of sympathy for Tony’s plight. “Stop whinin’, ‘cause I know ya love ‘em. Be happy they’re here, ‘cause I know part of ya wants ta be.”

“Stop being so insightful, dammit.” They got to the living room as the elevator doors slid open, and Tony couldn’t help but cringe back. Pep and Rhodey wouldn’t be fooled by any bright, breezy attempts to explain away his behavior over the past few months, and who knew where Nat stood after so much time in the company of Wanda and Rogers. Wilson didn’t seem to like him either, and Vision was a complete mystery, so she’d probably been bombarded on all sides with either active hatred of him or complete apathy toward him which was almost worse, and thank fuck Steve was there to settle a hand on the small of his back to ground him back in the present.

“Anthony Edward Stark,” Pepper started as she strode out of the elevator, fire sparking in her eyes. Everything about her screamed ‘righteous anger’, but Tony knew her well enough to see the concern and fear that was underneath it. “You are not ‘too busy’ to listen to a message from me. After ignoring me for _almost two months_ , don’t you dare shut me out again. If you do I’ll-” she came up short as she finally saw Steve, and her mouth dropped open as she stared.

Rhodey had already been staring, looking both fascinated and deeply worried. He’d probably seen Rogers just that morning, and had to be thinking what Tony’d first thought. He’d also be wondering how the hell de-serumed Rogers had beaten them there. “Tones. Is that-”

“It’s not Rogers,” he answered without waiting for his best friend to finish the question. “I mean, he sort of is, but not… remember that asshat Richards who was positing that there are multiple universes, many of which contain similar or parallel people and events? This is a… you know. Steve from a different…” He turned to look at the small blonde, who was watching the three new arrivals with curiosity in his eyes. “This sounds insane when I say it out loud,” he complained, only to have Steve smile and slip an arm around his waist.

“Truth is stranger than fiction.”

“Holy shit - is that a thing in your world too?”

“Yes?” Ignoring his guests for the time being, Tony turned toward Steve with a frown.

“Why is that a question? Steve. Babe. Steve. Are you forgetting what goes where and when?”

“That don’t even make sense, Tony.”

“Does so.” He insisted, delighting in the way Steve rolled his eyes. “It makes all the sense. You can’t always remember if a phrase or a word and stuff comes from your world or this one. You’re _acclimating_. How the fuck are you gonna go back to the forties? They don’t even have television yet. Do they?”

“I dunno. I think folks are talkin’ about it, mostly at science fairs’n stuff. Nobody I know has one.”

“Everyone you know is poor.”

“ _Tony_ ,” that was Pepper, sounding absolutely done with him. She just didn’t understand how he and Steve related to each other, that was all. Steve though, he only sighed and shook his head before darting a quick, nervous look at the three interlopers. Clearly testing the waters, he then leaned up and gave Tony a brief kiss - three people sucked in a loud breath, and Tony was surprised there was air left for him and Steve to breathe. When they separated, there was a twinkle of mischief in his blue eyes. Little fucker was stirring the pot, and Tony adored him for it.

"Don't worry, ma'am. I'm pretty used ta the mouth on this one. He doesn't mean any harm. Usually." Tony knew Steve had to be nervous, but he hid it well as he let go and walked right over to Pepper, offering his hand. "Steven Brian Rogers, ma'am. Nice ta meet ya finally. Tony talks ya up all-a the time." Pep looked a bit spooked, but she still shook the man's hand, staring at him like he was a ghost.

"Call me Pepper, please. I don't want to be old enough to merit a ma'am. I hope Tony told you a few good things about me, at least." She was recovering quickly - good. Rhodey was still staring with an open mouth, and Nat was tapping away on her phone, one brow arched and her eyes never leaving Tiny Adorable Steve.

"Pepper then. And he told me you're terrifyin', which I like. Dames that scare the pants off-a ya are usually the best ones ta know. More interestin' than the ones who just flutter their lashes at ya." Pepper was clearly charmed, and Tony couldn't help but feel proud of Steve. He'd said more than once that he wasn't good with women - Tony thought he just didn't know how to handle the ones he was supposed to be courting.

Ugh. 'Courting'. Steve wasn't the only one forgetting which words came from when and where.

"Well then. It's nice to meet you, Steve. I wish I could say Tony had told me all about you." The look she sent his way was cutting, and he immediately held his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry, sorry. I just didn't know how to... and I hadn't talked to you about normal stuff in so long, so I thought leading with 'hey, a Steve Rogers from another world came and made me feel better and that's why I'm calling anyone at all' might not go over well."

"I _knew_ you weren't handling all of this well!" Rhodey was practically crowing in victory, but there was still worry in his expressive brown eyes. "I wanted to come sooner and call more, but they," he jerked one thumb toward Natasha, who didn't even pause in her typing as she rolled her eyes. "Said you were fine and that if I didn't stick to the training schedule they'd boot me from the Avengers."

" _What_?" 

"It was Steve. Cap, I mean. The team wasn't always coming together very well, and he was afraid to let Rhodes or Vision leave. He thought it would damage morale. Wilson and I agreed. Being a team doesn’t mean anything if you can’t act like one." Tony snorted at Nat’s words, because of course. Wilson seemed to be Rogers' friend before anything else, and not the kind that would challenge Rogers when he needed it either. That was the kind of friend Tony'd tried to be, that he'd wanted to be. Pepper and Rhodey had always called him out on his shit and he was better for it. He'd been stupid to think that was what everyone wanted out of a friendship. He _was_ a little surprised that they’d gotten Nat to go along with it - she’d seemed sort of worried about him, and she would’ve known Rhodey would be the best way to get through to him. "How long has this Steve been here?"

"A month? Ish?"

"So when you thought Steve - our Steve - had been de-serumed..." Her voice was so even and controlled, which was incredibly unfair. Everyone else had been visibly and audibly shaken, but not the Black Widow. Tony had a feeling that if she'd been the one to find Tiny Adorable Steve, she wouldn't have even batted a lash. She'd just have calmly offered him a beverage, then incapacitated him for further study as soon as he turned away.

"Yeah. That was the day after he got here. He tried to tell me, but-"

"He kept callin' me Rogers and insistin' we knew each other," Steve butted in, shrugging one bony shoulder. "But I thought it was all a dream at first, so I don't get ta judge him."

"You're so allowed to judge him."

"I don't need your help, sour patch."

"No, but Steve clearly does," Rhodey teased, stepping forward with a broad smile and offering his hand for Steve to shake. "Cooped up alone in here with you for so long... that's enough to drive anyone a little crazy." That meant 'I'm not sure about this guy but I'll give him a chance for you' and also 'why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner' and 'I was worried about you asshole' all in one. Fluent in platypus, Tony gave him a reckless grin while he watched Steve tentatively shake his hand.

"I kinda liked it, ta be honest. I think I'da been overwhelmed if I had ta deal with lots-a people."

"And Tony _didn't_ overwhelm you?"

"Why are you so mean to me, Nat?"

"You don't respond well to compliments," she answered dryly, finally putting her phone away. Fuck, she'd probably just told all the Avengers about Tiny Adorable Steve. All he needed was goddamned Rogers to show up and be all... all _Rogers_ about everything.

"I do so," he countered, trying to hide his dismay. From the way Steve bristled a little bit and directed a glare Nat's way he hadn't done a very good job of it.

"No, you don't." That was Nat and Pepper both, and it was just incredibly unfair that they knew him so well. He turned to Rhodey and pouted, hoping that his bro would defend his besmirched honor. The traitor only held up his hands, lips twitching in an aborted smile.

"Don't look at me, man. I make it a habit not to argue with pretty ladies who could eviscerate me with a spoon."

"As you should," Nat told him with a sniff, then finally deigned to acknowledge Tiny Adorable Steve. It was a power play, Tony was sure of that. She wanted to make sure that Steve knew she was in charge. The blonde looked supremely unaffected by it all, which took balls - especially when she walked over to him in a way that _screamed_ predator and danger. Steve didn't even flinch, just watched her with an even expression, and Tony started to think that maybe he was just a bit crazy after all. He sort of expected her to pull a knife or something to prove her superiority, because who the fuck looked the Black Widow in the eye when she was doing her murder inky slink? Dead people walking, that was who, and holy fucking shit, Steven Brian Rogers was stupid brave even if he didn't want to enlist in the army.

"So you're Natasha? I heard ya talkin' on the phone with Tony," Steve held his hand out for Nat to shake as he spoke, giving the brightest and most innocent smile Tony'd ever seen on his face. "Thanks for helping ta convince him I wasn't Rogers. He wasn't listenin' ta me at all." Nat did that thing where she arched the opposite brow than she usually did - Tony still didn't know what it meant when she did that. He did know that he didn't like it much. 

"It wasn't really me. He had to talk to Cap before he admitted his error." When she looked over at him, she let him see amusement dancing in her eyes - she was in a friendly mood. Good. Maybe she wouldn't murder Steve after all. "But I can see why. You do look a lot like him," she admitted when she turned her attention back to _his_ Steve. "I probably would have assumed the same thing."

"Me too," Rhodey agreed, crossing over to Tony and slinging an arm around his shoulders. "So is this why you've been ignoring all my calls? Except wait, that started before Steve even got here." Rhodey squeezed, making him give a quiet noise of discomfort. When he looked to Pep for salvation, she actually _scoffed_. 

"Don't look at me, Tony. I know we weren't-" Stopping abruptly, she thinned her lips and looked over at Natasha. Tony didn't know why she bothered, because that little display had just completely told Nat everything she needed to know about when they’d broken up. "I know we've been busy and I haven't been around as much as I... as I should have been." For a few seconds, guilt and sorrow overtook her expression, and it made him want to hug her. "I should have come to see you sooner. I'm... I should have come as soon as I heard about JARVIS."

"You didn't need-" His protest was cut off when she quickly closed the distance between them and threw her arms around him. Rhodey still had him by the shoulders, so it turned into a strange three-way hug that he'd have been _very_ into a couple years ago. "Pep, stop. I'm fine. I was... it was maybe rough for a while, but I'm fine now."

"Zip it, Tones," Rhodey suggested 'helpfully'. "We messed up by not being here - reasons or not, there wasn't an excuse for it. I should have known when you didn't return any of my calls. You only do that when you're struggling. But _you_ messed up too. You should have let us know that you needed us."

"I was fine!"

"No you weren't." Nat approached but didn't move to join the hug. That was good, because while the him of a few years ago would have been super on-board, that part of him was self destructive and didn't know that Nat was fucking scary. "I knew you weren't," she continued, and the little frown on her lips seemed more genuine than most of her expressions. "I didn't know why, or how to get you to talk about it. You're a teammate-"

"Former."

"Once an Avenger, always an Avenger," she returned, a level of fierceness in her voice that he wouldn't have expected. "You're still on the team, Tony. You just took a few steps back, and that's fine. We'll be ready for you when you're ready to come back. I should have tried harder to make you talk about it." That wasn't quite an apology, but Tony would fucking take it.

"You're all giving me hives. Stop it with the feelings already. Save me, _amoretto_ , before they make me say mushy things back."

Pepper and Nat's eyebrows flew up at the nickname, all four of them. Rhodey just grinned harder, maybe because he was expecting Steve to stay. He was always baffled and a little bit angry when people left Tony. Tiny Adorable Steve started to laugh, then headed over and gently extracted Tony from the hug. Almost immediately he wrapped his own arms around Tony's waist and tucked himself close. The move that wouldn't have fazed him in the slightest if they were alone turned his face bright red in front of company. He tried to hide it by turning and hiding his face in Tony's shoulder, but it was too late. Pepper was clearly on the verge of cooing - and _fuck_ was he glad she wasn't pissed that he was seeing someone new - and Rhodey was still grinning like a lunatic as he gave his back several hard thumps in a show of bro solidarity.

Nat was watching them, head tipped to an inquisitive angle... but she was smiling. Sort of. The way it almost wasn't there at all let him know that it was real. When she dazzled, whatever was going on didn't mean shit. When she was quiet and her expressions were barely there, she meant them. So he gave her a tiny smile in return and wasn't surprised when she nodded slightly in acknowledgment.

"Has he taken you out at all?" Pepper was asking Steve, and Tony went on the defensive. He didn't _want_ to leave the tower. He didn't want to deal with the rest of the world - he'd only barely been ready to see his three unexpected guests. At the same time, he knew that Steve really wanted to go out, wanted to see something that wasn't the tower... and now that FRIDAY was there to help keep most of the inevitable pictures out of the hands of their enemies, he didn't really have an excuse.

"Nah. We've been hangin' out here, mostly. With Dum-E and U," Steve added brightly, hiding his disappointment pretty well - it helped that he was still mostly talking into Tony's shoulder. "They're the bee’s knees."

"Okay, you can't use 'hanging out' and then go right to 'bees knees'," Pepper giggled as Tony scolded the blond playfully. Rhodey was nodding though, fully willing to back Tony on this. "It's just wrong, Tiny Adorable Steve. Modern or old timey - pick one."

"... Tiny Adorable Steve?" Of course Nat would make an issue out of that, and now it was Tony's turn to hide. He pressed his nose to Steve's hair, trying and failing not to smile. "Really Tony?"

"Well it's true!"

"I ain't adorable, and I'm small, not tiny." Despite the familiar grumble, Steve snuggled a little closer - the nickname was totally growing on him.

"Compared to Cap, you are definitely tiny," Rhodey pitched in, shrugging his shoulders. "But everyone kind of is. Tony wears lifts in his shoes so no one realizes just how small he looks next to Cap."

"I do not!" Tony protested, lifting his head to glare at his best friend. "I do not, so you take back that filthy lie, platypus, or Iron Man is going to kick War Machine's ass."

"It's the Iron Patriot now." Nat told him serenely. It was enough of a distraction that Tony didn't really notice when Pepper started to pull Steve away. Well, he noticed, but he didn't really process the fact fully, because what the fuck.

"That is the stupidest fucking name, and I refuse to acknowledge it! The Air Force didn't create the goddamn suit, I did. That means I have full naming rights, and if they don't change the name back, I'll... I'll stop providing upgrades, you see if I don't."

"They'll just start getting them elsewhere. Remember Hammer?" Tony gasped, pressing a hand to his heart in what he knew was a theatrical display.

"You _wouldn't_."

"You're right, I wouldn't. My superiors? Absolutely would. So I'd let them have the name, Tony, or I'll be going out there, risking my life, with shitty tech." Rhodey knew Tony would die before he let that happen, so he could keep right on grinning and hitting Tony where it hurt. Best friends were awesome, and he'd forgotten how much he loved this.

"That's it. Give it back. I un-gift the armor, because I was dying when I decided to hand out suits like party favors-"

"You only gave out one."

"Shush, Nat. You're part of the reason I did it. So anyway, I want it back. Temporary insanity on account of imminent death is what I'm pleading, so hand it over or you're toast."

"I could take you any day of the week, Tones. Any day of the week."

"You know that Pepper just took Steve into the elevator, right?" Tony whipped toward the elevator just in time to see it closing on Pepper and Steve, just like Natasha had said. Tiny Adorable Steve had just been Steve-napped, and now Tony would _have_ to leave the tower to stage a rescue.

“Fuck. Well played, Pepper… well played.”

~.~.~

The buildings were so _tall_ , and Steve couldn't help the way he was gaping at them. He probably oughta be talking to Tony's friends, but there was just so much to see, all of it so different than what he was used to. Everything was sleek, shiny, and bigger than it probably really needed to be. There were so many people, most of them on their phones - what was it with these people and their phones? Sure he liked some of the games he played, but he wasn't on it all the time, and never when he was walking. It was sorta ridiculous. And the cars! There were almost as many of them as there were people, or at least it seemed like it. Pepper had called it 'wall to wall traffic', lips pursed with displeasure as she asked the driver (who she called Happy) to do his best to try and go around it.

They were all talking around him, all of them but Nat. He was pretty sure he still didn't like her much, except that when she _did_ talk she was kinda funny. At first Rhodey and Pepper had bombarded him with questions that he did his best to answer while staring out the window. When Tony realized he'd rather be taking everything in, he'd crawled over his two best friends to form a barrier between them. Now he was holding most of their attention, his arm casually draped over Steve's shoulders and his fingers caressing his arm. It was nice of his fella to give him a bit of breathing room like that, especially when he was probably gonna be the center of attention while they ate. Besides, he knew they'd been pretty worried about Tony, every one of them - shooting the breeze with him would probably make them feel a lot better.

It was sorta nice to listen to his fella talking to other people. Tony seemed to be at his best when he was around people - or robots - who listened and talked back. He could hear Rhodey interrupting more than he would have, but the way Tony was squawking meant he was enjoying it. They were definitely close, and from the tone in Pepper's voice when she scolded the pair of them they all went way back. It made him miss Arnie something fierce... which was maybe another reason he'd rather be staring out the window than participating. That way he could hide the way his lower lip was trembling just a little, enough that even biting on the insides of his cheeks didn't help. Thank God he was facing away from them all for most of the drive, because he didn't want any of them to know he was upset. Nobody could do anything about it, after all, so why have them fretting over nothing?

Though Tony mighta kissed him if he knew, and he did like kissing Tony.

He thought he'd hid it pretty well, and he'd mostly gotten himself together by the time they limo rolled to a stop in front of some swanky restaurant. Except that Nat got out ahead of him, and when she turned to help him out she had a knowing look on her face. He couldn't help but start to blush... though he did still accept the offer of aid, 'cause he didn't want to be rude. Her hand was small and delicate, but there was strength there too. Part of him sorta wanted him to ask if she could help him get a little of her muscle - he didn't think it'd work all that well, but he'd risk it it meant he could surprise some of the bullies on his block.

Steve had wanted to take Tony's arm, but before he could he had Nat on one of his arms and Pepper on the other, and he coulda been knocked over with a feather. He knew guys that would kill to have _one_ dame who looked even half as good, and he was just... wow. Sure he didn't want to step out with either of them, but still. The future was a weird place.

"You feeling the love Tones? 'Cause I'm drowning in it right now."

"Aww, sour patch, you know I love ya. C'mon, no need to frown - you're on the arm of the hottest genius in town."

"Could you stop the rhymes? You're bringing me down."

"Can't help myself - I'm a clown."

"Oh my God," Pepper groaned, turning her face up to the heavens. "They're doing the rhyming. I hate the rhyming."

"I don't know. They have good timing." Nat's face didn't crack even a little when she tossed that out, and Steve couldn't help but start to laugh. It took Pepper a second to join in, but when she did it was clear and bright. That's when Nat's lips finally quirked a little, and he started thinking that maybe she wasn't so bad after all. Sure, she'd made Tony flinch and cringe and laugh wrong during that one phone call, but she also seemed to kinda care about him. Sort of. Maybe. From what he could see it was a definite maybe. So he should probably give her a chance.

"Are we ready ladies?" he asked grandly, shooting a look at both of them. Pepper was smiling and Nat gave a small nod, so he started towards the door. He did his best to pretend he wasn't wildly underdressed, him and Tony both. Rhodey was a little better, but both Pepper and Nat were dressed to kill. He just hoped the doorman wouldn't kick him out.

"They're having fun without us, platypus. They've stolen my Tiny Adorable Steve and they're leaving us behind to corrupt him with their wily female ways. They're going to figure out he's scary just like them and they'll never give him baaaaack. Hold me."

"Always, Tones. Lean on me during your time of troubles - we'll get through this together."

"Oh Rhodey... how will I go on?"

"Be strong for me, man. Be strong." When Steve looked over his shoulder to see what was going on, Rhodes had an arm around Tony, who was hiding his face in the taller man's shoulder. Rhodes had a sorrowful look on his face as he rubbed Tony's back, while his fella's shoulders were shaking in an over-dramatic show of crying. "We'll get him back Tones. I swear... we'll get him back for you."

"They took _one_ theater class at MIT to fulfill their liberal arts elective," Pepper told him in a long-suffering voice. He looked her way to find a look of fond irritation on her face - she clearly cared about Tony even if they were over. It was hard to be jealous of her. He'd wanted to be, when Tony started talking about her; he'd thought it would be easy to. But now that he'd met her and seen the way she interacted with his guy, Steve was pretty sure that even if they still loved each other she wasn't hoping to get back together. "Occasionally they forget that they _failed the course_ and drop into an over-acted, poorly written scene."

"Pepper!" The two other men gasped her name in chorus, and Steve couldn't help but start to laugh. Yeah, this was making him miss Arnie, Joey and Frank, but... they weren't such a bad crowd to fall into.

"Shall we leave 'em to it?" Steve asked both dames on his arm, doing his best to channel all those handsome movie stars he saw all the time in the talkies. Sure, he wasn't anything to compare in looks, but he could sure try to act like one. "'Cause I sure would like to take you ladies to lunch. Maybe if they've got a dance floor, we could even cut a rug. Bet ya both could teach me somethin' about dancin'. I ain't too good, see."

"Steeeeeeeve, why? You should be dancing with meeee..." After spending so much time in Tony's company, Steve was pretty good at recognizing when his fella was genuinely hurt and when he was just funning. This was definitely the whine he pulled out when he was feeling playful, so Steve ignored it completely - it was the best way to respond, really, 'cause it got Tony all kinds of flustered, which was a really good look on him.

As both women assured him they would be happy to help him improve his dancing skills, they entered the fancy restaurant together. He sorta liked the way people were staring, because for once he was pretty sure it wasn't pity in people's eyes. Sure they were admiring Pepper and Nat, not him, but still - it was nice. Though there were a couple guys who were looking a little _too_ hard, and he couldn't help but frown in their direction though he put the expression away quickly. He didn't want to provoke anything, because he knew that if they overstepped, got handsy or lewd, they'd get a whooping.

And Steve would be right there cheering on the sidelines, holding Pepper and Nat's high heels so they wouldn't get any stray blood on them.

~.~.~

Part of Tony was afraid to hand STAR over to Steve for a couple different reasons. First and foremost, the tiny 'bot was _designed_ to help Steve once he'd _left_. It wasn't a 'bot meant for the future... though he'd left a few clues for further development should Steve end up making it to his future after all. If there was a Tony Stark in that world, he would know what to do. Once he gave it to Steve, he would have to stop letting himself pretend that Steve wouldn't have to go back.

He was also worried that Steve wouldn't like her. Though he was almost certain that the other man did indeed want a robot of his very own, Tony wasn't sure if he'd like this one. What if he hated the design or the fact that it was simpler than FRIDAY, or what if he'd wanted one that was as simple as the boys? What if he didn't want all of the pictures and video Tony had put into the 'bots memory - what if he wanted to forget? And what if he somehow learned about Ultron? Would he even _want_ an AI designed by Tony then?

He tried to push his nerves to the side as he stroked the tiny robot's 'inert' form. When STAR was folded up and incognito, she fit perfectly inside of Tony's pocket. After all, he didn't know a lot about the 40's, but he was pretty sure that a robot would stick out like a sore fucking thumb. Even her disguise mode might be a little too much, but he refused to give anything to Steve that wasn't beautiful, so he hadn't been able to help himself. Compasses had been used back then, Tony knew that - it's not like they'd had GPS, after all. So probably (hopefully) Steve wouldn't get any funny looks for carrying one. Fuck, maybe he should have done a pocket watch or something…

Just as he was about to head back down to his workshop to do a redesign, Steve looked up from the book he was reading and gave him a soft, sweet smile. Tony was pretty sure he'd die for that smile, and there was no way in hell he was going to run away from it.

Even if he was becoming more and more sure that Steve was going to hate his present.

"Hey there, Tony," he greeted, carefully putting a bookmark in place before he closed it and set it down to watch Tony approach. It was really endearing that he was so careful with stuff like that. Tony had always just folded down the corner - Steve had been horrified by the practice. He'd only ever owned a few books, most of them old and tattered. They weren't a necessity, so getting one was a special occasion. For Tony to treat them so carelessly had been another one of those things that he got pretty fired up about. "Didn't expect ta see ya 'til dinner. Fri said ya were busy."

"I was," Tony replied with a shrug, stroking his fingers nervously over STAR with a shrug. "I didn't know when I would be done, but I am now. Well, mostly - there might be a few tweaks, since I haven't ever... I mean. I have something for you, but I don't know if you were actually joking when you asked for one or if you'll like the one I made for you, which would be fine. You don't have to like everything I give you, you know? Like bananas. I can tell you don't like them, so I wish you'd stop pretending. You don't have to eat every single thing I give you and give a smile and say it's delicious. You're allowed to not like things, and --" Steve reached out to lay a gentle hand on his forearm, and Tony gulped a few times before shrugging. "Sorry. But if you don't like it, you don't have to keep it. Okay?" It was sort of killing him to say 'it', but he consoled himself with the knowledge that she couldn't hear him just then.

"Calm down, would ya? Ya ain't facin' a firin' squad or nothin'. Why don't ya sit down and show me what you're talkin' about?" That sounded reasonable, yes, absolutely. He could just sit down and show Steve what he'd been working on and let the cards fall where they would. Either way Steve reacted, he could then get on with the business of trying to find a way to send him home.

Fuck. Maybe he should take Steve for a walk instead and give him STAR in a few decades. That sounded like a much better plan.

"Yeah, okay," he whispered instead, unable to dim the excitement that was gleaming in Steve's adorable eyes. "Just... I mean it, _amoretto_. If you don't like it, you don't have to keep it, okay?" The small blond rolled his eyes, but quickly thrust out his hands, clearly eager to see what Tony had brought for him. "Okay. So..." Fuck, he could feel his fingers trembling as he drew STAR out of his pocket. Steve's eyes fixed on it instantly, and there was a hint of confusion and curiosity in his face. Tony carefully tipped it into his waiting hands, licking his lips as one of his legs started to bounce a little. "So that's... you know. It. I tried to make it look like... like something you could feasibly, you know, own. So she functions as a compass when she's like this - should be totally one-hundred percent accurate. She's very proud of that."

Steve had been rolling the closed compass around in his fingers, examining it. The top was engraved with words Tony had agonized over for a long time, mostly because he'd been torn over making any mention of love. Eventually he'd decided on something simple, written with few embellishments: 'A STAR to guide you' with 'TS' added at the last second underneath. It was as Steve was tracing over the letters in a reverent fashion that Tony's last words seemed to penetrate. His eyes snapped up to Tony's, full of wonder and hope.

"She?" The word was breathless, and Tony noticed that Steve was now just about vibrating with anticipation. "Tony, did ya.. did ya do what I think ya mebbe did?" He looked back down at the compass and flipped it open, taking in the actual compass part, moving it this way and that, gaze fixed on the needle. Tony had given the needle an eight-pointed star as the background it moved against, elaborate and beautiful, done in sepia tones. It was probably Tony's favorite part of the 'compass' part of STAR, and he'd poured quite a bit of time into it.

"Her name is STAR - Steve's Tiny Adorable Robot," Tony told him, eyes only on Steve, searching his expression. The reaction his words got was instant and made all the work he'd done completely worth it. Steve's eyes lit up and his smile was radiant - he was even brighter than the sun in that moment, and Tony basked in the glow of his happiness.

"Tony! Ya didn't hafta... ya really made me a robot? One-a my own, ta keep forever?"

"Yeah. She's all yours. And she's not really... well she is a robot, but she's not _just_ a robot. I wanted you to have... she's more advanced than the boys, but I couldn't fit anything as complicated as Fri-baby in there, but she's still... she'll still learn and grown, and I'm sure she'll love you as much as U and Dum-E do. Do you want to wake her up and meet her?"

" _Please_." There was so much feeling in that one word, and Tony knew he probably shouldn't be so turned on by that. Or by the way Steve was stroking the compass either, come to think of it. But he was and he could live with that, and he wouldn't jump Tiny Adorable Steve even if his libido was urging him to do just that.

"Great. Okay. So here's what you do." Tony settled his hands over Steve's, guiding the other man's fingers to a hidden catch on one side of the compass. "Don't switch it yet - listen for just a sec." Steve went still and attentive, but Tony could still feel him trembling a little - or maybe he was the one shaking, he couldn't tell. "I've talked to her a little in the workshop, but only before I moved her into her permanent home. Once you wake her up and say hello, she'll imprint on _your_ voice. You'll be the only one who can wake her up or give her commands... unless you tell her otherwise. Only do that with people you completely trust, Steve. She's... there's nothing like her where you're from. If anyone finds out, they could... they might want to steal her and duplicate her, or they might hurt her because they're afraid of her. That's why I gave her a disguise mode. Right now she's completely inactive, but once you wake her up, even when she looks like this she'll be listening and learning. You can ask her to record things so you can listen again later - when you do, she can translate them. Hell, she'll probably help you learn languages if you want her too. She's smaller and less complex than FRIDAY, but she'll do her best for you."

"Tony... I can't believe ya... ya really did this for... she's just for me?" Jesus fuck, Steve was acting like Tony'd given him the world - it was only an AI! Admittedly he was pretty much the only person in the world that could _make_ an AI like STAR, but still. He found himself blushing in the face of Steve's awe, and he waved off the sentiment with one hand.

"It's not that big of a deal, but yeah. She's all yours. Why don't you wake her up. Just flick that little switch, then tell her hello."

Steve chewed on his lower lip for a few moments, probably torn between following Tony's directions and thanking him a few dozen more times instead. Eventually he settled on that first thing, and Tony could tell his hands were shaking a bit from the way he had a little trouble with the catch. He finally fumbled his way into doing it, then spoke in quiet, unsure tone. "Hello? Uhm, STAR? This is Steve. Ya ready ta wake up?" Anxiety was in his blue eyes as he flicked them Tony's way, probably unsure if he'd done that right... but he didn't have to worry.

The soft whir of moving machinery filled the air, and STAR unfolded herself.

It had been the trickiest part, figuring out how to make the transformation smooth and seamless. The robot’s shape and size had been a bit of a battle too, but eventually he'd hit on a plan. The face of the compass fractured along the lines of the star, opening up as the cover drew itself backward. Gears shifted and parts moved, until there was a small robot standing in the center of Steve's palm. She was about six inches tall, with the cover of the compass fitted almost like a little backpack; the surface had wavered and turned into a small digital screen that Steve could use to look at pictures or watch videos. The illustrated background was broken up into what was almost like armor on her arms and legs, and her face was largely smooth... except for her eyes, which were the same shape as those of the Iron Man suits. They glowed an arc reactor blue, and Tony was confident that she would never run down because she didn't have enough power.

Said face was upturned, eyes locked on Steve's face as she took in the man who would be taking care of her, and who she'd be taking care of in return. Steve's jaw was dropped in a huge 'o' of surprise, and he was studying STAR with the same rapt attention that she was looking at him with. In that moment, Tony couldn't help but remember how he'd felt when Dum-E, U, JARVIS and FRIDAY had come online. Maybe he'd given Steve something like the world after all.

"Hello, Steve." Her voice was soft and soothing, pitched a little lower than FRIDAY's. From the way Steve lit up, he liked the sound of it - or maybe it was just that she was talking to him that had him all excited. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you. Tony and Friday have told me so much."

"Holy shit," Steve breathed, making Tony laugh out loud. He sent a wounded look Tony's way, one that clearly wasn't serious, then turned his attention back to STAR. "It's nice ta meet ya," he returned - Tony got the feeling that if she wasn't quite so tiny, he'd kiss her hand. "I hope you'll be nicer ta me than that one over there. He's got a mouth on him." STAR did a careful turn to look up at Tony, and though she had no expression, she gave off an air of being irritated. Steve caught on to that right away and chuckled, slowly pulling his palm in until she was closer to his chest. "I was kiddin', so no goin' off on him, kay? Matter-a fact... he's one-a those people that's allowed ta see ya all-a the time, even when ya aren't in disguise. And if he asks ya ta do somethin', ya prolly could."

STAR made a noise that was practically a scoff, then turned back to Steve and flounced her way up his arm. Tony'd programmed the start of an attitude as the base of her personality. Steve had loved Pepper and Nat, after all. Tony was sure he'd like a feisty little ‘bot as a companion. "Only if his requests don't go against anything you've told me," she informed them both as she settled in on Steve's shoulder. "You are my primary concern, Steve." The man in question looked delighted by the way she was making herself at home, glancing to his occupied shoulder with a big, beaming smile. 

"Well that's enough ta make a guy feel special." 

"You are special," STAR told him before Tony could. "Very special. Would you like to go over my features, or would you prefer to do that another time?"

"Ta be honest, I kinda wanna kiss my fella senseless as a thanks for givin' ya ta me." Tony almost wanted to protest, because Steve was _so_ excited, and Tony had worked so hard to give him an AI that would be perfectly suited to his needs. He wanted to watch Tiny Adorable Steve get acquainted with his Tiny Adorable Robot. He didn't want her to resent him for being the reason that she was tucked away again so soon after waking... but he'd be a big fat liar if he said he wasn't intrigued by the glint in Steve's eye. Not just intrigued, actually - he was downright excited. It was pretty close to the look Steve got in his eyes when they were in the middle of a hot and heavy make-out session, just more intense somehow. So maybe... maybe STAR could wait just a little while longer.

"Just remember - no glove, no love," she told them seriously, though Tony was pretty sure there was a hint of humor buried deep. Seeing Steve's expression go quizzical, he quickly jumped in, holding a hand up to stall the other man.

"It's an expression. Reminds people not to have unprotected sex, which we would not. I mean, if we did have sex, which we could and I'd be pretty stoked about it, but no pressure because I know it's a big step. Either way, I know all about protection, and even if I'm clean and you are too, I don't really like feeling cu... uh. You know what? I'm gonna table this until we actually have sex, because I don't want to freak you out, and your robot is a menace." Steve was laughing before Tony was even halfway through his babble, and at the end STAR gave a little 'hmph' and moved her arms like she was brushing off an imaginary skirt - just to fuck with him, Tony was sure.

"I'm only trying to look out for his best interests," she told Tony pointedly, fixing her eyes on him. "Sexual education is a very important thing, you know. The lack of it in public schools--"

"Jesus Christ. This is not a discussion we need to be having, STAR. Steve is not in high school and neither am I, and I know all about keeping him safe in that area."

"I imagine you do."

"... are you passive aggressively implying I'm a slut?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Tony. Besides, I wasn't the one who said it - you are." 

"Wow. Okay, I gave you way too much sass. I'm gonna reprogram you so you don't drive my Tiny Adorable Steve insane."

"You don't have the authorization to even try," she returned, the same kind of sugary-sweetness in her voice that Pep and Nat got sometimes, and where the fuck did she learn that?

"Steve, your robot is being mean to me."/p>

"Steve, he started it."

"Why are you even calling him 'Steve'? You should have like, a title for him."

"Could both-a ya give it a rest, mebbe?" Steve sounded fondly exasperated, and Tony took a moment to mourn the loss of that smoldering look that had been in his eyes. Now it was only amusement there, and an AI he himself had designed had totally just cock-blocked him. That was the most ridiculous fucking thing he'd ever heard, and he clearly should have been a little more cautious when it came to choosing the building blocks of her personality.

"Steve, I have made a terrible mistake. I think a locket and a picture would be the best idea after all. Hand her over and we'll do that instead."

"You're just mad we ain't already kissin'."

"Lies."

"Based on your breathing rate and the speed of your heart-"

"Fuck you, STAR."

"Tony!" Steve sounded horrified, but his eyes were twinkling happily. "She only just came online - watch your language, please. And I think she's wonderful. Wouldn't want ya ta change a thing." Tony wasn't sure how STAR managed to look victorious without a face, but she did it, and Tony was so proud of her that he could bust. Neither Jay or Fri had been so confident and secure in their own personalities when they'd first come into being. FRIDAY still struggled with the idea that she was allowed to think for herself, and that was mostly his own fault. To have STAR be so irritating pretty much right out of the womb was fucking amazing "Apologize, please."

"Fiiiine," Tony said with exaggerated reluctance. "I'm sorry, STAR. I should be more conscious of your feelings. And you should probably not call people sluts, even indirectly. It's not very nice of you."

" _Tony_."

"You weren't going to make her apologize, were you? That hurts, _amoretto_ , it really does." Eyeing STAR cautiously, he slid in next to Steve on his other side, one arm wrapping around his waist. He pressed a kiss to the blonde's temple before closing his eyes and burying his face in Steve's hair. "So you really like her?"

"I love her." Tony would never know what prompted him to speak without a filter. All he knew was that his mouth was forming words before he could even think what they might be.

"I love _you_." Immediately after, his teeth clacked together and he started to pull away from Steve, because _shit_. Fucking fuck, shit shit shit. He had not meant to say that, had never intended on letting Steve know. Running the fuck away seemed like a really good option, but Steve had turned and was now looking up at him, eyes huge in his face. Within a few seconds, his face had gone a pink that was rapidly shifting to a deep red... but it wasn't his angry flush. He looked... surprised, but in a good way, with his mouth hanging open until he closed it just enough to run his tongue along his lower lip. STAR managed to look exasperated as she jumped from Steve's shoulder onto the back of the couch, reverting back to disguise mode without even being told to. Tony had a feeling she was still recording though, and if she wasn't FRIDAY absolutely was.

"Ya... did I just hear ya say..." Steve licked his lips again, and he looked so shy and uncertain that Tony just wanted to kiss him over and over again until he was breathless and smiling. Feeling bold and just a little reckless, he scooted a little closer. To his pleasure, Steve was doing the same, and he was running both his hands up Tony's chest which was just... wow. It gave him a shivery feeling in his stomach, and running away was the absolute last thing on his mind.

"I love you, _amoretto_." Tony resisted the urge to add flourishes and grand statements to the simple words. He let the weight of them linger in the air, making the conscious decision not to turn them flippant with lighthearted babbling.

It seemed like a good route to go, with Steve staring in his eyes, probably trying to gauge how serious Tony was. He slid his hands up even further, until his fingers were locked behind Tony's neck to draw his head down. Their foreheads pressed together, and he couldn't help but smile. He didn't need Steve to say the words back, he realized. Whether he did or not didn't matter, because he would still feel the same. It would be nice, but not necessary. If they just stayed like this for a while, breathing each other's air, that would be absolutely perfect.

Kissing wouldn't be awful either, of course.

Steve was obviously a mind reader, because he closed the gap between them and brushed trembling lips over Tony's. He did it a second time and then a third before Tony chased him when he retreated and turned the gesture into a kiss that lingered without ever turning deep. Time didn't matter, and they didn't even really pull apart to breathe; Tony didn't think he'd ever been more content in his whole life. He couldn't stop a soft sound of loss when Steve finally broke the kiss and settled his head on Tony's shoulder, sighing sweetly against his neck. Tony turned and pressed his lips to Steve's temple instead, closing his eyes and drinking in the quiet and Steve's warmth.

"I never thought ta..." Steve stopped and drew in a ragged breath that hurt to hear. "I told ya how it is. I thought mebbe... mebbe I'd find a nice girl who wouldn't expect too much. That was the best I could hope for, prolly. Mebbe I coulda found someone like me and we coulda lived together, but I'd-a always been worried we'd get caught. So I never... I never thought I could have... I dunno. I thought I wouldn't ever get ta have love." Anger burst hot and fierce in Tony's chest, and it took an awful lot not to decree that Steve wasn't allowed to go back - the smaller man hadn't appreciated it the last time.

"Well I do. Love you, I mean. I hope you don't ever forget that. No matter what happens, you can count on that - I love you." He felt Steve nuzzle his neck, and though he felt a little bit of moisture that was probably from teary eyes, he chose not to mention it.

"I love ya too, Tony." The words were a barely there whisper but no less fervent because of it. The low volume of it just made it feel more intimate, more intense. Tony felt them against his skin more than he heard them, and it was pretty amazing. Part of him wanted to start singing - Steve loved him too! He knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he didn't care. Gathering Steve closer, he trailed kisses down the side of his face, then followed the curve of his jaw. Steve moved to accommodate him without a hint of hesitancy, and when Tony paused to briefly suck on his skin instead he shivered and gave a breathy moan that went right to his groin.

_Behave_ , he told that part of himself, because he didn't want to scare Steve off. At the same time he wanted the blond as close as he could get him, so despite the fact that it maybe wasn't the best idea in the world, he gently hauled Steve into his lap. Again the other man didn't miss a beat - he turned until he was straddling Tony's thighs and buried his hands in Tony's hair. Then they were kissing, hot and hard and desperate. There was little softness to it, except for the way he was framing Steve's face. Tony could hardly believe the amount of _feeling_ that was passing between them - it had him wondering if Steve had been holding back words of love just like Tony had.

Steve wouldn’t let Tony end the kiss for quite a while - every time Tony tried, he would whine, squirming just the right way in Tony’s lap. He had his hands shoved under Tony’s shirt, and was exploring his skin in shy, tentative manner that directly contradicted the passion in their kisses. It was enough to remind Tony that Steve hadn’t ever had this before, hadn’t gone this far with anyone and hadn’t ever really been with someone he loved at all before Tony. Getting swept away in the moment was all well and good, but Steve deserved better than losing his virginity that way.

This should be special, and he was going to do everything in his power to give Steve that. So he finally ignored Steve’s protests long enough to put his mouth to Steve’s ear. Before he could speak, Steve ran his fingernails down Tony’s sides in a slow, stinging slide and all Tony could do was moan. That seemed to intrigue his partner, because he moved to do it again; Tony grabbed his wrists to stop him.

“Bed,” Tony gasped against the shell of Steve’s ear. “Should have a… a bed for this. ‘N condoms and… and lube. Wanna… Steve,” he keened when the intrepid blond put his mouth to Tony’s neck and bit down. “Let me… lemme do right by you…”

That was enough to get Steve to put a brief pause on things. The trip to their bedroom was still broken up by frequent stops to make out against the wall - totally worth it, in Tony’s opinion. When they finally made it to their destination, both of them flushed and breathless with anticipation, Tony was happy to give Steve a very hands-on lesson in sex education.

He’d have to thank STAR for the idea later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm gonna be doing fic things for NaNo, because I didn't get enough done in Prep-tober to start the novel I was planning on. XD So I'll be getting through the prompts I have on Tumblr and would also be super happy with some new ones if you wanna give 'em. <3
> 
> My tumbler is [here](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some notes for this one, yeah? But quite a few so they're at the bottom. XD 
> 
> Thanks for reading, comment if'n you're feeling generous. <3

Steve had been drawing Tony for weeks - sometimes it was quick sketches done in moments and sometimes it was a portrait that he would pour days into. He was a fascinating subject with so many different sides to him that Steve wasn't sure he'd ever be able to capture them all. There were drawings of Tony laughing with his boys, one of him looking lost and alone as he stared up at ceiling, some in which he was scowling either with tight lines around his eyes or a sparkle in their depths. Tony relaxed and happy, hunched over in a panic, gazing softly at something beyond the page, shooting an irritated look at STAR, sleeping soundly with his mouth half open... while Tony wasn't all he drew, the man sprawled across at least half the sketch books he'd been given. Despite that, Steve hadn't captured even half the expressions and moods he'd seen on Tony's face.

The addition to those works he'd just finished was also the one he liked the most. It showed Tony loose and sated, reclined back on silken sheets with his limbs spread wide, eyes full of wonder and love and small bruises littering the curve of his neck. It was one he wouldn't ever show to anyone, probably not even Tony himself. That look was _his_ and nobody else's. He'd looked that way because of Steve and the way they'd made love, and it was an intensely private moment. He'd even shooed STAR and Dum-E away while he worked on it, and he already knew that he was going to keep it with the things he'd arrived in Tony's world with so that he could take it with him if... when he left.

That could happen any time now, because he was pretty sure he'd learned what he was supposed to. He had a responsibility that he'd never asked for, but Sara and William Rogers hadn't raised him to shirk the hard things in life. Keeping his newfound knowledge from Tony felt wrong, enough that it made him a little nauseous to dwell on, but he didn't think it'd be any better if he tried to talk to his fella about it. It was better to keep mum about it and enjoy what time he had - he was sure talking with Tony about any of it would lead to arguments and tears, and that wasn't how he wanted to remember their life together.

Steve carefully ran a finger down the line of Tony's torso, then forced himself to put it away. The heavy paper was tucked between two pieces of cardboard to protect it before he set it down. He could move it to the bedroom later, after he'd met another hard part of life head-on.

STAR was amazing, and he loved her already. He even loved the meaning behind her name, though it was enough to make him blush. Since Tony had presented her the tiny robot was almost always with him, in the room if not perched on one of his shoulders. She sassed as easily as he breathed and was just as eager as he to explore the world that she found herself in. Steve could admit to doting on her, because it was true. He had been more focused on her than anything else for her first few days of life. Well, on her and what went on with Tony behind their closed bedroom door - that took up quite a bit of his thoughts too. It took a while to realize it was happening, with him too wrapped up with the new things in his life to see what was going on with the things he'd already had.

It wasn't until he went to see what U had been drawing to find he wasn't even in the room that Steve had to pause. He’d felt like the lowest of the low when he’d looked back on the last couple days and discovered that he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually seen the 'bot. Dum-E had been around, he knew that much, but he'd been sulky and a bit distant - Steve should have known something was wrong right away. The boys were like children, and he loved them as much as he loved STAR…

And he'd neglected them in favor of showering attention on his new 'baby'.

The knowledge had hit him like a sucker punch to the nose, and he'd needed to take a few minutes to breathe before he could try to set things to rights. He'd apologized to Fri first, even though she hadn't been acting hurt or upset. She at least was gracious and understanding, which honestly made him feel even worse. Dum-E had been next, and Steve had had to go down to Tony's workshop to talk with him. The 'bot had refused to come upstairs or let Tony leave, and Steve was forced to apologize for his behavior in front of his fella.

Thankfully Tony wasn't angry with him. On the contrary, actually - he seemed immensely pleased that Steve was considering the feelings of the 'bots. After noticing how upset Steve was with himself, he'd even reeled Steve in for a hug and pressed his lips against Steve's temple. After a few minutes Dum-E wheeled over and ran his claw lightly down Steve's back. He took it as a sign he was forgiven, and Dum-E returned to travelling freely between the workshop and their floor. He even started to bond with STAR, which soothed some of Steve's remaining worries.

U still refused to be in the same room as him, however, and every attempt to apologize had proven futile. The day before the 'bot had finally had Fri lock him in one of the spare bedrooms so no one could get to him at all. Tony _could_ have forced Fri to open the door, but he'd been reluctant when he offered and Steve was aghast at the very thought of it. U was allowed to have feelings, and as long as he wasn't in danger or being destructive, he was allowed to work through them however he wanted. Steve knew that Fri would gently nudge him out of the room when he needed charging, and that had to be enough. He'd had to content himself with stopping by a few times and sitting on the floor with his back to the door. During the first visit he'd tried to talk to U through it, but that had felt like a lousy way to apologize. Every other time he'd tried (five in total), he just announced his presence and when he was leaving so that U knew he was there and could decide if he wanted to see Steve.

It was another thing that made Tony look relieved, grateful and disbelieving all at once. Every time he saw the expression, Steve was reminded that most people treated his metal children like things and not people. It was enough to make him furious and he'd only just met them. He couldn't imagine how it made Tony feel.

That morning he'd gone before breakfast and again after lunch. Now, with STAR off 'exploring' the workshop with Tony and Dum-E, he figured it was time to try again.

Nothing about the door looked different, and it was still as silent inside as it had been every other time. Steve hated himself for the way he'd been ignoring U - he didn't think that would go away even if U decided to forgive him.

"I'm back again," he called just loud enough that the 'bot would here. "I'd be real glad ta see ya if'n ya wanted ta come out. If ya don't that's fine too - I'll keep waitin' 'til you're ready." Steve paused, hoping... but it was still quiet, so he sighed and put his back to the door and slid down until he was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest. He rested his chin there and tried not to beat himself up, but it was hard. There wasn't any excuse for his behavior, but all he could do about it now was do his damndest not to let it happen again and take his lumps until U was ready to speak to him again.

Sitting in silence was harder than it had been before he came to this busy time and place. He was getting too used to always having a distraction of some sort, and he needed to nip the habit in the bud. Sure it was nice that he was adjusting, but the couldn't let himself get so used to things that he couldn't go back.

God, he wished he didn't have to back.

With only his thoughts for company, Steve waited, making sure to keep his back pressed against the door. It was probably just hopeful imaginings, but he liked to think that U was right on the other side, hunched over in a similar pose or maybe even with his claw resting against it instead. He needed to think that they still had that connection even if the door was between them.

For a little while he planned out what he might say, then began to remember what it had been like for Arnie when his ma had come home with a little baby sister for him. That led to too many thoughts of his best friend, and they _hurt_ , so he quickly put them away in favor of other things. Tony began to occupy a lot of his thoughts again, but when he started getting... uncomfortable he shelved those as well. He forced himself to focus on ways to balance his time more, to make sure all the kids got an equal share of his time and attention. He never wanted them to think that he loved one of them more than the others.

STAR was special, sure, but so were Dum-E, U and FRIDAY. None of them deserved to be put on the sidelines, especially since he didn't know how much time he'd really have with them. U was still hurt and unhappy, so once he finally came out Steve could give him a little more attention for a day or two, and then he'd figure out how to break up the time more evenly. U loved to draw with him, and STAR didn't need to be with them every time. He could spend more time cooking with Dum-E - the 'bot was always so happy when he got to stir things, set the temperature or just push buttons. Fri deserved more than just his questions, the ones he shouldn't even be asking her; unlike with the simpler 'bots, he could ask her what they could do together that would make her the happiest - he'd be able to do the same with STAR.

He could do this - he could make sure their kids never felt ignored by him ever again.

Steve also knew he needed to encourage STAR to bond with the other kids. He had a feeling that would go a long way toward soothing any lingering resentments. If their kids were friends, they'd always have someone to spend time with.

Realizing that the 'bots and the girls had officially been labeled as his and Tony's children in his mind made him blush. His embarrassment didn't make it any less true though, and he couldn't help but wonder. If he didn't have to leave, if he could stay... Steve was pretty sure that he and Tony would make good parents for human children too. They already had a family, and besides this fuck-up (as Tony would call it), he thought he and his fella did a pretty good job at being parents. If he didn't have to leave, they could look into adopting maybe, and expand their family with human kids who needed them.

It was another dream that he'd hold close on the nights when even crawling into bed with Arnie wasn't enough to keep him warm.

"Steve? It's been half an hour," Fri told him softly, interrupting his thoughts. "I don't think he'll be coming out this time either."

"You're prolly right," he admitted with a sigh. "'S he okay though? I know he ain't happy with me or anythin', but he's... alright?"

"He's fine," she confirmed. "If he doesn't venture out before you and Boss go to bed I'll have him visit his charging station while you're asleep. I won't let anything happen to him Steve."

"I know ya won't, doll. Thanks for keepin' an eye on your brother when I can't." FRIDAY didn't have any visual indications of how she was feeling, and when she didn't say anything the quiet _should_ always sound the same... but Steve was convinced there were different 'moods' to her silences. Just then, he was pretty sure she was both pleased and embarrassed. Though she'd never said as much, Steve thought that she liked it when he or Tony used a pet name when speaking to her.

It took a few seconds and several groans for him to get to his feet. Even the miracles of modern medicine couldn't completely fix the problems he had with his circulation. Spending too much time in any one position made it difficult to move - he was just happy not to be shivering all the damn time. Once he was on his feet, he turned back to the door and gave it two soft knocks. "I'm headin' back ta the livin' room, U. If ya need anythin', just let Fri know," he paused, chewing on his lower lip, then rested his forehead against the door. "If ya decide ya wanna come out, ya don't have ta talk ta me or see me, alright? Not until you're ready - I won't chase ya from room ta room no more."

That, Steve knew, had been more about trying to make himself feel less guilty than about what U needed. The 'bot was a little simple but he wasn't an idiot - he'd probably realized just that, and that was why he'd decided on the course of action that he had. Steve just needed to be as patient as he could, and it would all turn out right in the end.

"I do love ya, U, even if ya didn't feel like I did for a bit. You're one-a mine, and I won't ever stop lovin' ya. Promise. I'll stop by again later, unless ya tell Fri ya don't want me ta do that anymore either." With his piece spoken, Steve went to leave, just like he'd said he would. Maybe he'd spend a bit of time on Tony's cell - he had a few games that could probably use his attention for a bit. After that maybe Dum-E could help him with dinner, and he could send STAR to fetch Tony once it was ready.

All his plans flew right out the window when he heard the door open behind him. Steve froze, unwilling to do or say anything that might send U back into hiding. It turned out to be a good move, because soon enough he heard the 'bot approaching him, and then a claw twisted in his shirt. U gave a firm but gentle tug, one that got his attention without making him topple over. Steve was quick to turn and follow U back into the room - apparently the 'bot wanted privacy for the conversation that was coming.

The door closed after they were inside, confirming that theory. U immediately let go of him and began to wheel back and forth across the room. Steve had never seen him 'pace' before, and that he was seeing it now probably wasn't a good sign. The urge to say something first, to apologize again - this time to U's face - was almost overpowering, but he bit it back every time his mouth opened. Eventually, U came to a stop, then made a motion that reminded Steve of the times when Tony needed to take a deep breath to try and calm himself.

Apparently it didn't quite do the trick, because when U whirled to face him the 'bot began to 'yell' at him. The beeps and whistles U voiced were clearly full of anger, and he continued to move his arm in a wild, agitated fashion. Steve had been able to mostly understand what U wanted for a while now, and there was no mistaking his hurt over the way Steve had been acting since STAR came online. Steve listened without interrupting, taking heart in the fact that U had made sure to put himself in a place where he wasn't in any danger of accidentally hitting Steve or anything else - he was venting, making sure Steve knew just how upset he really was.

Steve caught the sounds he associated with their drawing sessions, and those U made while they were all gathered in the living room to watch TV or movies. U briefly ranted about meal times, and eventually Steve realized that the very rude sounding noise he kept making was his name for STAR.

They were siblings, but Steve wanted more - he wanted the two of them to be friends, and it was mostly his fault that they'd gotten off on the wrong foot.

When U finally went quiet, tension evident in the way he was holding himself, Steve gave him a careful nod. "Ya got every right ta be angry with me," he started, taking a step towards U. The 'bot made an abrupt beep and held his splayed claw out; Steve got the message and quickly stepped back to where he'd been. "Sorry. I'll let ya come ta me when you're ready." He paused to gather his thoughts, chewing on his lower lip as he tried to figure out the best way to handle this.

Sara Rogers had always been his hero, but trying to navigate the murky waters of parenthood was raising her to the level of sainthood in his mind.

"You're right - I haven't been givin' ya enough attention. 'M sorry for that'n I can promise ya I won't let it happen again," U gave a doubtful whistle, which hurt, but it was his own fault so he took it without flinching. "Well I'll try. If ya notice me slippin', tell me'n I'll fix it. I don't wanna be makin' ya unhappy, U - I don't wanna hurt ya. 'M sorry that I did. From now on, we'll have drawin' time for just the two-a us, alright? No Dum-E or STAR, and Fri'll only let us know if Tony needs us. I miss havin' ya there with me when I work, so when you're ready, ya come'n find me and we'll go ta the studio to start a new project."

The 'bot seemed to both relax and perk a little at that. He wasn't holding himself so stiffly and he seemed interested in the idea of shared drawing time - Steve was glad he was doing _something_ right at least. "'M sorry that I wouldn't give ya space when ya wanted it too. That wasn't fair-a me." U agreed with a censuring whistle, and Steve couldn't help but smile a little - it was a sound Tony had assured him had only entered U's vocabulary after he'd spent time with Steve. "Ya got every right ta not talk ta someone if you're mad at 'em. 'M glad ya read me the riot act too - I wanna know how you're feelin', and I won't unless ya tell me'n I listen. So thanks for lettin' me in after ya cooled down, and thanks for lettin' me know why ya were upset at me."

After a few seconds of silence, U let out a series of low, quiet sounds that were encouraging. Maybe he didn't forgive Steve, but he didn't seem quite so angry anymore. He even wheeled a little closer, close enough that Steve could reach out and touch him. He didn't though because U hadn't given him permission and he wasn't about to ruin all the talking he'd done by breaking U's trust.

"I know ya don't like STAR, and I know that's because-a me," he continued, frowning when U made that rude sound followed by a few angry whistles. "It prolly felt like she was stealin' me, huh?" U agreed, inching a little closer. "Here's the thing - I love all-a ya, an' there ain't nothin' that'd change that. Nobody could steal your place in my heart, ya hear? 'M sorry I wasn't good at lettin' ya know that b'fore now. And I gotta ask ya ta do somethin' real hard, somethin' ya might not like at first."

U's inquiring whistle was dubious at best, but Steve didn't let that stop him from continuing. "Ya got little sisters now - two-a 'em, no matter how mad ya are at STAR 'cause-a me. Arnie felt the same about his little sister when his ma gave birth. Reacted pretty much the same way as ya did too, as a matter-a fact. But see, you'e a big brother now, and STAR ain't goin' nowhere. So I gotta ask ya ta try'n find a way to live with that. Not sayin' ya gotta be her biggest fan right off, but do ya think ya could try ta get ta know her? She's family, and family oughta stick together when they can." U seemed largely unconvinced, but he was still slowly making his way into Steve's space, so that was fine. "I'd settle for ya pickin' a different name for her as a start."

The 'bot immediately wheeled back a few inches, rising up into the air until he was completely vertical. He gave a series of whistles that sounded more peeved than actually angry. Steve let him get it out, then shook his head.

"Told ya that ya might not like it. Arnie had all kinds-a names for his little sister, and most-a them weren't all that friendly. But ya know, once he started callin' her nice things he started ta think that maybe she wasn't so bad after all. Words got all kinds-a power, U. So mebbe if ya pick a whistle that isn't angry you'll stop bein' so angry at her. 'S not her fault that I didn't handle this right. So even if ya don't wanna be best friends, I'd like ya ta try'n be nice ta her. Do ya think ya could do that for me?"

U didn't respond right away, but he slowly relaxed into his usual half-slouch. He rotated his claw a few times, clearly thinking everything over, and Steve was more than happy to wait for him to make a decision. It was better not to rush the 'bot, or he might decide to call STAR something even ruder to spite Steve. His patience was rewarded when U finally made a sound of agreement - it was reluctant, but Steve would take it.

"Thanks U. I know bein' a big brother is new ta ya, but I think ya might like it if ya give it a chance. Ya get along fine with Fri, don'tcha?" U's sound of agreement was much happier this time, and Steve smiled warmly at the 'bot. "See?"

"I'm fond of you as well, U," Fri added, which had U preening for a moment. "STAR and I are lucky to have you and Dum-E as older brothers." Before Steve could say anything, U wheeled forward until he was standing right in front of Steve, base brushing against Steve's bare toes. U was a lot better at stopping before he rolled over Steve's feet or bowled him over than Dum-E was, so Steve hadn't even flinched back.

U draped his arm over Steve's left shoulder, careful not to put all his weight into it so Steve could stay upright. His claw twisted in Steve's shirt again, and Steve gratefully wrapped his arm around the 'bot to return the hug. He held on tight, thanking his lucky stars that U was giving him the chance to make things right. He'd been prepared to face days more of U's silence and absence and could hardly believe that the 'bot was so willing to forgive.

They really were like children, especially Dum-E and U. They seemed to trust him and Tony implicitly even after they'd been hurt; Steve needed to be more mindful of that. He needed to make sure he didn't accidentally take advantage of that, and he needed to be more careful of their feelings. The last thing he wanted was to do something that caused him to lose that trust permanently.

Even if U forgave and forgot, Steve needed to make very, very sure that he never did the same.

Usually it was Dum-E who hung onto his and Tony's metaphorical apron strings, trailing after them like a duckling. U was happier when he got to zoom around wherever he wanted... but Steve wasn't surprised when U kept hold of his shirt once they left the room. He followed Steve to the living room and draped himself over Steve's lap while he spent some time playing his games. When U made an interested noise and started to watch what he was doing, Steve allowed himself to splurge and spent some of Tony's hard-earned money on things that weren't even real.

U was awfully happy with the new design of his castle though, so Steve guessed it was worth it.

Dum-E came up from the workshop alone a few hours later and was thrilled when Steve asked him to help make dinner. While U didn't help he _did_ stay in the kitchen. He occupied himself with drawing, but he looked up at them every minute or so, like he was making sure Steve was still there and hadn't left him behind. It was enough to break his heart, really.

Steve didn't see STAR again until it was almost dinner time; she came up with Tony, sitting on top of his head. His fella looked grumpy about it, but he knew Tony was actually tickled pink. Usually the tiny 'bot refused to be toted around by anyone but Steve unless she was in compass form. Her allowing Tony to ferry her around was a great honor, and Steve prepared himself to face a lot of snarky commentary between the two so they could pretend they didn't actually like each other.

U seemed to be eyeing STAR while he and Tony ate, but he didn't make that rude noise at all. Steve would take his victories where he could find them. When they all moved to the living room, he draped himself over Steve's lap again (along with Tony's by default) and didn't protest when STAR perched in her usual spot on Steve's shoulder. Dum-E seemed delighted by the progress - every few minutes he would poke U and then STAR before giving a cheerful little beep and returning his attention to the movie. Eventually U got fed up with that and voiced an outraged whistle at the next poke. STAR consoled Tony and Steve's oldest child with a few pats to his claw, and the evening continued on uninterrupted.

The next few days proved to be a delicate balancing act, one that took a few tries to get right. Tony was a big help, luring the 'bots individually to his workshop to give them his attention while Steve focused on one of the other kids. STAR and Fri seemed mostly amused by it all and did their part by not getting upset when Steve fumbled the schedule. His little robot started to spend more time with Dum-E, and U joined in - reluctantly at first - when he saw how much fun they seemed to be having together. The way STAR whistled and beeped instead of talking when she was with the boys seemed to help too.

Steve knew a corner had been turned when STAR encouraged Dum-E to race around the living room, getting him so worked up that he crashed into end tables and the couch, overturning them and breaking a few other things as well. Steve came running just in time to see U standing in front of the pair, scolding them both equally, shaking his claw in a 'for shame' gesture. Steve held himself back and watched as the more responsible 'bot began to coordinate the cleaning efforts, tasking STAR with cleaning the things that had broken while he and Dum-E set the furniture to rights. The rude noise that had originally meant 'STAR' for U didn't make a single appearance.

Instead, a combination of whistles and beeps that was similar to those used to address Dum-E and FRIDAY took its place. U was trying, just like Steve had asked. And when they'd managed to tidy the room properly - the furniture wasn't put back in quite the right spots, but that was fine - STAR rode out of the room perched on top of U.

Parenting was even harder than Steve had imagined it would be. The pride and love filling him as he watched his kids head to the elevator made it more than worth it. He would miss Tony like a lost arm when he had to go back... but he'd miss the boys and Fri just as much.

Steve found himself wishing that his own parents hadn't been such good ones. If they hadn't raised him so well he would have been able to stay without guilt weighing him down like an anchor.

~.~.~

Tony was definitely not slacking on trying to send Steve home. Absolutely not. He just didn’t know where to even start, and was it his fault that he found the papers Richards had written about his ‘multiverse’ theory so boring? Nope. They just were, and if he was crawling through them at a snail’s pace, that was why. As for calling the man up and having him help, that was just a completely ridiculous notion. He was an ass, and he probably shouldn’t know about Tiny Adorable Steve anyhow. So Tony wasn’t dragging his feet or anything. Circumstances were just… conspiring against him, that was all.

Or maybe they were conspiring not to break his heart for once, but that really didn’t seem too likely.

He now spent about half his day down in the workshop, where he was definitely not dawdling or choosing to put SI and Avengers business before coming up with a solution for sending Steve home. Tony was being super productive, to the point that both Pepper and Rogers had called to see if he was alright. Thank fuck Natasha hadn’t spilled the beans about Tiny Adorable Steve to their fearless leader. Tony liked him and all, but even over the phone he’d been terse and vaguely disapproving - facing him in person, especially about Steve Brian, was not something he wanted to do any time soon.

The afternoons were spent with Steve, usually with the boys and STAR providing quite a bit of entertainment. STAR and Dum-E especially got on famously, much to U’s dismay. She loved to ride in style on Dum-E’s carefully extended arm, and they tended to cause a level of havoc that was unprecedented in the tower. It was kind of frightening, to be honest, to have Dum-E’s chaotic neutral personality harnessed by a tiny terror who could give him orders with ease. U, who’d been so jealous of STAR at first, usually trailed after them trying to rein them in and cleaning up the damage when he failed. FRIDAY chose sides at random, sometimes offering STAR sneaky, mischievous suggestions and sometimes finding ways to limit the area of effect.

Steve chastised all of their rambunctious children regularly, but it wasn’t with enough vigor to truly dissuade them from doing whatever the hell they wanted to do. Tony had a feeling that he’d have been a lot sterner if other people had been around, but with the two of them the only witnesses… well. Steve seemed too amused to really try and instill any discipline in them.

Not that he needed to, because for all that Tony now sort of regarded all of ‘bots and AI’s as ‘theirs’, they weren’t really. Even if he was definitely, absolutely head over heels for Steve, they weren’t like… married or anything. Steve hadn’t asked for any updates on Tony’s progress toward sending him home, but he hadn’t mentioned staying either. It was like they were existing in this weird limbo, where they were a domestic couple that might be separated any day. At least they were saying ‘I love you’ now, so Tony didn’t have to work so hard to keep the words locked away. It was just... it was hard, even if he'd been bracing himself for goodbye since the first day. It was even harder knowing that Steve felt the same way, but that their feelings probably wouldn't be enough.

It sucked, living on the edge like that all the damned time. Thank fuck they were also having sex (Steve always forced him to call it 'making love' which was sappy and wonderful) or Tony was pretty sure he'd explode from all his pent up frustration. As he stepped in the elevator to head upstairs after another fruitless day where he wasn't dragging his feet even a little, he was kind of hoping he could convince his lover - lover! - to maybe join him in bed. A nice romp in the sheets followed by a good nap might give him some more ideas, after all. Not that he held out much hope, not when Steve floundered and spluttered at the thought of making love in the afternoon. Or any time that wasn't after they'd gone to bed, actually, which was the only _place_ he permitted it to happen in. Tony didn't mind Steve's hangups, even if he teased the man for them a little.

The small hope that this might be the time Steve felt adventurous enough was completely dashed when FRIDAY told him that Steve was not on their floor. "Well then where the hell is he?" Tony demanded, only just managing not to stomp his foot like a child denied sweets. "He didn't... he didn't leave the tower, did he? Fri-baby, sweetie, please tell me you didn't let him go out into the world on his own." Dread swamped him at the thought, mostly because it was actually plausible. Steve had enjoyed going out with Pep and Rhodey and Nat, and had loved the times Tony had taken him out when it was just the two of them. So if he got a bee in his bonnet about something and decided he wanted to go out, he damn sure would. Fuck, if that had happened Tony prayed he'd at least taken STAR--

"I would never!" Fri told him, sounding incredibly offended. "I'm not an idiot Boss."

"Sorry, sorry. Okay. So... if he's still in the tower, then where?"

"... he asked me not to tell you," she hedged, sounding uncomfortable. If she was a human, Tony had no doubt that she'd be squirming. "He's worried you'll freak out and stop him from finishing the... the project." Tony had arched a brow at FRIDAY's initial answer, but now both had crawled up nearly to his hairline. It was one thing for STAR to pretty much blow a raspberry at him whenever he asked her to do something, but Fri was supposed to be on his side. "I could... I could take you to the floor he's on if you promise to stay calm and not yell. He means well, Boss, so I would hate for him to--"

"Fri, do you really think I'll get _that_ mad?"

"Maybe. I don't think you'll like his, um, project. Just please let him finish it, Boss. He's very excited."

"Well now I'm dying to know what this 'project' is. So you have my word that I won't freak out, alright? If I do then I'll do it quietly."

"Then I'll let him know you're on your way." Fri still sounded apprehensive, but Tony wasn't really that worried. Tiny Adorable Steve could do very little wrong, in his opinion. Actually, he couldn't think of anything at all, at least not anything that Steve would actually _do_. Because yes, he would absolutely be done with Steve if he started treating their kids badly or started sleeping around, but anything like that would be extremely out of character. His initial reaction would be to make sure Steve hadn't been body-snatched, not dumping the guy. So whatever was waiting for him, Tony was sure he wouldn't be freaking out at all.

Though when the elevator came to a stop on what had been the common floor it gave him pause. And there were noises, he registered just before the door opened. Loud ones that sounded like... well fuck.

When he stepped onto the common floor, he was met with a whole crew of workers in hardhats. Some of them were concentrating on cleaning up the debris while others were working on gutting some of the walls to rebuild them anew. The broken appliances and most of the furniture was already gone, and it was so weird to see the room mostly empty, more clean than it had been since before Thor's 'going away' party, getting to the point where it could be redone. 

In the middle of the chaos was Steve - also in a hardhat and standing at least a good four inches shorter than everyone else - talking to a man who was probably the foreman. U was hovering nearby, probably to offer his 'protection', and _that_ made Tony a little concerned. His boys weren't very well socialized - they knew Rhodey and Pep, and they were sort of familiar with most of the Avengers, but otherwise it had just been him and Tiny Adorable Steve. What if they got overwhelmed or accidentally hurt someone? What if _they_ got hurt? That worry was mostly directed at Dum-E, who was making himself useful by holding and fetching things for various workers.

At least the construction crew seemed to be totally fine with the situation, because he had a feeling that if any of them had said a word against the 'bots Steve would have found a way to beat the shit out of them. STAR, he noticed, was perched on Steve's shoulder, and he trusted her just a little bit more to look out for the blond. She would notify FRIDAY immediately if anything even remotely sketchy happened, and he was sure she was keeping an eye out for the boys as well. Between her and Steve, Tony guessed the situation was under control.

Now he just needed to find out how the hell this had happened, because Tiny Adorable Steve should not have any idea of how to get this sort of thing going. He probably shouldn't have known how to pay them, or had a credit card to do so, and he _definitely_ shouldn't have had the permissions needed to authorize their entrance into the tower. Though... Tony hadn't actually set any limits to what Steve could ask from FRIDAY - she'd probably decided the pair of them should have nearly identical permissions. She was just as fond of Steve as the boys, and she'd made it clear a few times that she considered him the other head of the household.

So she'd probably helped him, the traitor. Sighing, he looked to one of her cameras and shook his head. "You're supposed to tell me about shit like this, you sneaky sneaky AI."

"Sorry Boss."

"Nah, it's fine. I'm actually kind of proud of you sweetie," he admitted as he strolled into the room, stealing a hardhat from one of the workers as he went. FRIDAY didn't answer, but he imagined it was a pleased sort of silence she was directing at him. Steve was so busy listening to the foreman that he didn't realize that Tony was already there. Tony thought the foreman was standing maybe just a little closer than he necessarily needed just to show Steve a bunch of papers that was probably a fucking timeline or something. So maybe he was a little possessive - sue him. Tony came up behind Steve and wrapped his arms around the blond man's waist. He had to hunch a little to do it, but he put his chin on the shoulder STAR wasn't perched on and turned his head just a little so he could watch a blush crawl over Steve's face. Once he was at full flush capacity, he cut his gaze over the foreman, who looked bemused but not upset. "Afternoon. Who exactly are you?"

"Ben Ranger," he answered with a grin, holding out his right hand. Tony watched it a second too long, then sniffed and reached out to shake it. "Nice to meet you, Mr. Stark. Mr. Rogers here wasn't sure if we'd get a chance to meet today."

"That's because Mr. Rogers is a sneaky sneak who sneaks. I honestly didn't even know you would be here."

"Now Tony--

"I'm not mad," he soothed instead of listening to Steve panic, turning again to press a kiss to his cheek. "Confused and proud and just a smidge irritated, but that last thing is only because of how easily you got one over on me. But I'm not mad, _amoretto_. I can't believe you did this."

"This floor was a disaster," Steve told him forcefully - Tony knew he'd have that determined 'no speck of dirt shall escape my wrath' look on his face without even seeing it. "All-a that crap just hangin' around, waitin' ta be picked up. And didja know the walls were pretty weak in a couple-a places? Ben showed me, said we're lucky none-a it just went. And those appliances - Tony, ya can't keep a fridge that's been shot up that way. Ya just can't." Tony wasn't sure that he liked that the contractor was 'Ben', but whatever. He didn't need to be a jealous ass.

"I was getting around to it!"

"No, ya weren't."

"Well I would have. Eventually. Or maybe I just would have sold the whole place, I don't know. Living here had started to lose its shine, to be honest."

"Tony. If ya tell me ya were gonna just... just run off and sell the place without fixin' it--"

"My boyfriend has a very low opinion of me," Tony confided to Ben, turning his tone and expression mournful. "I would have had this floor fixed before I sold it."

"You'd have made peanuts otherwise," Ben agreed with another grin, and maybe he wasn't _that_ bad. "But we're happy to fix it up for you now. I was just talking to Mr. Rogers about the plan. All told I think it'll take us maybe a week, depending on how badly the walls and floors are holding up - we haven't finished assessing the entire space. After that you can get some electricians and the like in here. I know a guy, if you don't already have one."

He totally did, but Ben was already growing on him, and Steve would appreciate it if Tony gave the guy's friend some business, he was sure of it. "Sounds great, thanks. You have a card for him or something?" Ben beamed as he handed it over, and Tony tucked it away for safekeeping, making a mental note to have FRIDAY scan it later. "Thanks." He took another look around, and he felt a knot of tension and anxiety that he hadn't even been fully aware of relax. While he'd never forget what had happened with Ultron, maybe it was okay to get rid of the evidence. Maybe he didn't have to keep living in the ruin the AI had caused in order to make the lesson stick. "You're doing good work already. It's work I should have done months ago - thank goodness my boyfriend is a meddler as well as a Tony Stark doubter."

"I don't doubt'cha, ya big lug." Steve groused, then smiled at something STAR was murmuring to him. "Yeah, ya got a point. Will ya help 'em with the elevator?" Tony heard STAR's chipper 'you bet!', and then Steve was shouting for the boys. "U! Dum-E! Time to head back down." Where U gave both of them a pat on the arm before zooming away toward the elevator, Dum-E was the very picture of dejection as he set down the section of drywall he'd been holding and wheeled slowly their way. Once he got there, he plucked restlessly at Tony's shirt, and he sort of wanted to say that the silly 'bot could absolutely stay and help. From the not-so-gentle elbow Steve planted in his stomach, the blond didn't agree. "I know how much ya like helpin', but it's time. We'll getcha back up here tomorrow, promise."

Dum-E gave a low, sorrowful whistle of understanding, though he seemed to brighten a little when STAR transferred herself to his claw. He was incredibly careful with her as he went to the elevator, and it made Tony smile as he turned to track their progress. The little AI would be able to get them safely back to their floor, and Tony had the sudden realization that he would never live in the penthouse again. Even if he found a way to get Tiny Adorable Steve home, he wasn't going to move back to his old floor, and he wasn't going to make the 'bots stay down in the workshop all the time either. They had... a home now, all of them - it was more of a home than Tony thought he'd ever had. Even his place in Malibu had lacked... something that Tony couldn't put his finger on. Whatever it was, their floor had it in spades, and Tony didn't think he'd ever be able to tear himself away.

"You know he's going to be impossible until he finally gets to come back up here, right?" He moved to stand at Steve's side but kept one arm loosely draped around his waist. "I'm sure Ben and his crew would be happy if he never came back--"

"He's actually not a problem," Ben interrupted with a shrug. Tony liked that he was willing to do that; he liked that Ben didn't seem overawed by who he was. He also liked that Ben wasn't calling Dum-E an 'it'. "He's welcome any time. The guys like having somebody else hold their tools, and he seems real happy to do it."

"My oldest finally has a job - I'm so proud." Steve elbowed him in the stomach again, which really wasn't fair. "Why do you keep hurting me?"

"'Cause you're bein' a punk," he replied ruthlessly, though when he looked over at Tony he had an unreadable glint in his eyes. "Focus, would ya? I was gonna have ya look at it later, but since ya decided ta join us... I showed some stuff ta Ben. I think ya oughta redo the space a bit. Might help get some-a the bad memories ta move out." Yeah, Steve was fucking awesome, and Tony's stomach was fluttering pleasantly at the latest demonstration of that. "See?" 

Having witnessed the way Tony refused to be handed things from anyone but him, Pepper and Rhodey, he reached out and took the sheets in Ben's hand away and gave them to Tony himself. It wasn't anything that he'd expected, and definitely not a timeline or anything of the sort. It was... Steve had designed a whole new floor, one that was going to be clearly different from the one Tony had planned out. While the floor plan was still open, Tiny Adorable Steve was going in a different direction. Gone were a lot of the harsher, more modern lines that he'd decided on, and in their place was a design that would be... cozy. Welcoming.

Maybe if he'd gone that way right from the start, the Avengers wouldn't have been so quick to leave.

Tony knew that thinking things like that was not helpful, and he wanted to focus on the amazing man tucked against his side anyway. "It looks... pretty damned amazing, actually. Way better than my concept, I think," he admitted wryly before placing a smacking kiss to Steve's temple. "So, Ben... you aren't doing just the cleanup, right? You and your crew will be in charge of the remodel too?"

"So long as you're okay with it, Mr. Stark. Mr. Rogers was just getting my opinion on what he'd drawn up. We were starting to talk about some of the details, and I would like it if we could continue on with the project. I know we're not who you usually use, Mr. Stark," Ben added, determination firming his jaw. "But I hope you let us take this opportunity to show you why that's a mistake."

"... I like you," Tony announced after a moment, then reached out to shake the man's hand again. "That took _chutzpah_ , which is the foundation of my own career. You are absolutely sticking around to finish this out, and I'm sure I can send more work your way too. Now tell me what you and my _amoretto_ were discussing."

Through the whole conversation that came next, Tony was acutely aware of the way Steve kept squirming and snuggling up to him. Several times his hands made sweeping strokes over Tony’s torso - once, despite the fact that they were in public, the man's hand came dangerously close to landing right on his ass. Knowing that Steve would probably kill him for it later, he responded by sliding his hand down Steve's back and tucking it into Steve's back pocket. The blush came back with a vengeance, but (much to Tony's surprise) he didn't protest or shy away at all. In fact, after a few minutes Steve did _exactly the same thing to him_ , and holy fucking shit that was hot.

Tony would have gone with the body-snatched theory if it weren't for the way Steve went tomato red and hid his face in Tony's shoulder. Understanding that Steve was probably really embarrassed and super self-conscious, he cut the talk with Ben short so they could head back home. He loved the way they both had their hands in each other's pockets the whole walk to the elevator way too much, but he couldn't help it. They were totally claiming each other in public, and it was the best thing ever.

Apparently Steve thought so too, because as soon as the doors were closed, he pulled away from Tony then shoved him against the wall. He was too surprised to do anything but let it happen, and then he was too happy with where he found himself to change a damned thing. Steve had him pinned and was looking up at him with eyes gone dark with lust, and it was totally even hotter than the whole 'hands in pockets' thing.

Without saying anything, he started to unbutton Tony's outer shirt, and that was great except Steve really might have been body-snatched, and oh, hello. Steve had just started to press kisses to his neck, and Tony tipped his head back to encourage more of that... only to cry out when Steve suddenly bit down hard enough that it would definitely leave a mark. It was just the right kind of painful and was causing a very noticeable reaction in his lower body.

Even though it was in the middle of the afternoon and even though they weren't in bed, Steve didn't shy away from that. He rolled his hips in just the right way - which wasn't fair, because he'd been a virgin like, two weeks ago and his moves were already goddamned devastating - and drew a low moan from Tony's lips. Brain a bit muddled by the sudden attack of sexy, it took him an embarrassing moment to realize Steve was getting hard too.

A matinee might not be out of the question after all.

"You kept callin' me your boyfriend," Steve breathed as his lips moved up Tony's neck until he was talking right into Tony's ear. "Boyfriend'n _amoretto_ ’n yours, right in front-a God and everybody."

"Told you I - ah, that's... that's nice," he was practically whimpering the words, because Steve had drawn his earlobe into his mouth, and his tongue was doing the most wicked things. "Told you that you weren't a dirty secret, remember? Introduced you to... hmmm... Pep and them, didn't I?"

"They're your friends," Steve returned after he'd popped off Tony's ear, breath moving hot over the damp skin. "'S different, lettin' strangers know." That, Tony realized through his haze, would have been far more dangerous in Steve's time. Letting close friends or family know might be acceptable, but to let some random person see and hear what those construction workers had? That probably would have been enough to get Steve a beating where and when he was from. Steve had probably resigned himself to never being able to have an open relationship with a man years ago... but Tony had just blown those expectations out of the water, and it had clearly gotten Steve hot under the collar.

"I'd tell the whole fucking world if you'd let me." Tony hissed when, in response, Steve raked his nails down his front with only a thin undershirt between them and his skin. "Holy shit, Steve. I love you, _amoretto_. I'll take out a billboard ad if you want me to, long as you keep--" Steve's hips rolled again, and Tony thought he might die from the pleasure of it. "Jesus fuck. Yes. That. Keep doing that."

"Ya got such a mouth," Steve told him, amusement mingling with lust in his voice. "Gotta be a better use for it."

That was Tony's breaking point, because the visions that put in his head should have been illegal. He ran both hands down Steve's sides, then slid them around to grab his ass. It was finally Steve's turn to give a gasping moan, and once he heard it Tony used his hold to haul Steve up into the air. At the same time he stepped away from the wall just enough to let Steve wrap his legs around his waist. When the mischievous little blond rolled his hips again, he almost brought them both to the floor.

He could have told Steve to stop, to wait... instead he bent his head and caught Steve's lips in a hungry kiss. It was hot and hard and messy, and after a few moments Steve turned the tables on him and took control. Tony loved when that happened, loved when Steve was the one devouring him. He felt his undershirt moving, and he realized Steve was tugging it up. As soon as the hem was up far enough, he shoved his hands underneath so he could start a frenzied exploration of Tony's skin.

The 'ding' that meant they'd arrived sounded, a lot louder than usual - that wasn't the first time he'd heard it, Tony realized suddenly. FRIDAY had diplomatically refrained from opening the doors, but it seemed she wasn't above trying to encourage them to leave on their own. It took a lot to finally drag his mouth away from Steve's, and he had a few false starts before he finally managed.

"Fri," he gasped, then let out a soft mewl when Steve started sucking on his neck again. "Have STAR keep... _fuck_ Steve, _amoretto_ , stop... stop with the hip thing for just... fuck. Okay. Yeah. Just... they should not come into the bedroom for a bit." That had happened a couple times already, and U never took it well - his scandalized whistle was still better than the way Dum-E sometimes tried to join in the 'game'. "Kay?"

"Yes Boss," Fri answered, a hint of amusement in her tone. "Opening the doors now."

Steve didn't stop that sexy hip thing, and his mouth was constantly on one part of Tony or another the whole walk to their bedroom. After he slammed the door behind them, he immediately began to return the favor, loving the way he got to watch Steve come undone. A little while after that, they found a _way_ better use for Tony's mouth.

It was perfect, and Steve was perfect, and they were in love and happy.

Tony should have known it was all about to go to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! So we are very near the finish line for this fic - the last chapter is written and it's gonna be a bit rough. I prolly shoulda tagged the fact that this particular installment ends on a not-so-happy note right from the beginning, but tagging is like, the hardest part of posting stuff except for summaries.
> 
> So if you're really not a fan of unhappy 'endings' (though this is really the middle, but idk), I'm gonna give ya some Lemony Snicket-type advice - stop reading here! At least for a little while, until I get the next part of the trilogy up. It's mostly written in my head and I've gotten through the first few chapters of actually putting the words down, so I'm _hoping_ I can maybe get some kinda schedule going maybe? But I'm really bad at that? So I don't want to promise anything?
> 
> Also! There was lots of stuff that I wanted to put in this story that didn't really fit, and there'll be lots of that in the other two stories too, so there's gonna be 'Bonus' fics, one for each part of the trilogy where each chapter will be a vignette of something that happened during the main fic. I'm gonna throw up the first chapter for this fics bonus stuff tonight, and then I thought that maybe to soften the blow of the next chapter a little I'd put another one up that same day too.
> 
> Question is - do you guys want fluff or smut? Smut'll take a little longer (it's a whole process) but if y'all want it I'll sit down and write it. Lemme know in the comments or in my [Tumblr askbox](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com), and whichever option gets more votes will be what I write. If nobody votes I'll flip a coin or something, I dunno.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! <3 Thanks also to my lovely beta, KiernaSerea! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahoy!
> 
> Again, if you wanna pretend that this part of the story ends happily and fuzzily, I would not read this chapter. This one hurt me to write, because I pretty much cannot stand unhappy endings, but it needed to be done! For the story!
> 
> Comments maybe?

Dinner had never been Tony’s favorite meal - not with the memory of the stiff, formal affairs that had been the norm between himself, Howard and Maria when he was younger in his memory. During breakfast, Howard usually wasn’t dismissively cruel since the day hadn’t let him down yet. Lunch was when Maria was her most relaxed, lounging in her chair and telling stories with a smile on her face. Dinner, when they’d all been together, had often been akin to torture. With Pepper, dinners had almost always been linked to business; their favorite, most enjoyable meal was one that usually happened around midnight, complete terrible takeout and awful movies.

Tony had sort of hoped dinner with the Avengers would be the thing that changed his feelings towards them, but they hardly ever ate together and it was usually disappointing when it did happen. Rogers was so… _Rogers_ , and Wilson was right there encouraging his Rogers-ness. Bruce was nice to have dinner with, but it was always just the two of them in one of the labs. Nat could be great to eat any meal with, unless Clint was there too - when that happened, he took up most of her attention.

So dinner sucked, and even Tiny Adorable Steve hadn’t been able to make him forget that completely. Not that he hadn’t tried, and tried hard. He loved to cook, especially now that he had FRIDAY and STAR to help him discover new recipes and ways to make them. Steve figured out Tony’s favorite things to eat and served them. When they sat down at the table to eat them, he kept the conversation light and easy. After noticing Tony’s tension, he’d even tried bringing the both of them into the living room to eat on the couch. That had been better for Tony, but Steve squirmed uncomfortably the whole time like he was afraid his dead parents would show up any second to scold him for it. Despite that, they’d started alternating locations, and Tony was finally starting to think that maybe dinner wasn’t a sadistic invention of the actual devil.

Of course all that meant his latest attempt at happiness was shattered during dinner.

As soon as Tony caught a glint of that green light out of the corner of his eyes, he knew. From the grief on Steve’s face when their gazes locked, he’d seen it too and was just as sure of what it meant for them. “Tony-” he started, then seemed to choke up. Throwing down his silverware, Steve stood and moved quickly around the table until he could throw himself at Tony. He immediately caught the smaller man in his arms and drew him into his lap, hugging him as tightly as he could. Both of them were hiding their faces in the other’s shoulder, and Tony prayed to a God he hadn’t really believe in for decades to please, please, _please_ let Tiny Adorable Steve stay.

“Well… isn’t this touching.” Tony knew that sarcastic drawl - every once in awhile, it haunted his nightmares about aliens and space. He didn’t miss a beat in standing up and thrusting Steve behind him, knocking over his chair in the process. Tony felt a snarl curling his upper lip and he didn’t try to fight it; he just hoped like hell FRIDAY would know to get the suit online and to him as fast as possible.

He’d need it, because fucking Loki Laufeyson was standing in his living room, looking completely at his ease.

“What the fuck do _you_ want?” Tony felt Steve take tight hold of his shirt and try to peek around him, but he refused to let his lover get hurt and kept shielding him from sight. “Your brother said you were dead.”

“Thor is a bit of a simpleton,” Loki replied with a shrug that was far too elegant to belong to such an evil bastard. “He can’t help it of course, so I simply ignore most of what he says - saves me an aching head. I must say… I didn’t expect this,” he added, tipping his head to one side, green fire sparking in his eyes before dying down, leaving only the gleam of keen intelligence. “I rather thought our boy would find his way to a Captain America--”

“He’s _mine_ , not ours,” Tony growled at him, only to feel Steve give the back of his head a smack. “I mean, he’s his own person, absolutely. He doesn’t belong to anyone but himself, you know, because people only belong to themselves. When I said he was ‘mine’, I only meant that he’s my _amoretto_ and all, and you know Steve last time you liked it when I said you were mine in front of someone else so this is a really weird time for you to discover empowerment or whatever this is, and also I’m trying to be threatening since this is, you know, a bad guy who has invaded my home - for the second time! - so maybe just let me do this, okay?”

“Wasn’t why I was hittin’ ya,” Steve said, the way he was rolling his eyes clear in his tone of voice. “Hit ya because I think mebbe he knows how I got here’n all, so mebbe we oughta listen to him.”

“But he’s _Loki_.” Tony knew he was whining, but he couldn’t help it. Fucking Loki was still in his living room, now poking and prodding around and his suit still wasn’t here and now Steve was on Loki’s side, and… and the son of a bitch looked a little different, Tony realized suddenly. Subtle things, subtle differences, like the ones that existed between Steve and Rogers.

This Loki was more relaxed, and his black hair held a hint of red that Tony had never noticed on the Loki of his world. Well, universe since Loki wasn’t - that wasn’t the point though, as the way Steve was pinching his side reminded him. “You can’t have him back,” he announced instead, using one arm to keep Steve from stepping out from behind him. “He should… he’s happy. We’re happy. I don’t know why you sent him here, but he’s… you can’t make him go back.” Steve was hiding his face in the back of Tony’s neck, and there was moisture falling on his skin already, and this wasn’t fucking fair.

“No, I cannot,” Loki agreed, turning away from the TV to fix a gaze that seemed knowing, sad and almost remorseful on Tony. “I told you - I didn’t expect this. I had no idea where he would end up, to be honest.” Tony scoffed, because the idea of _any_ Loki being ‘honest’ was sort of ridiculous. “The magics I used were extremely complex, and my control was not what I would have liked. All I knew for certain was that I had sent him to a world where Steven Rogers was Captain America.”

"You're a lot less crazy than the you I know," Tony told him, desperate to stall what was coming. "I mean, Bruce said our Loki's brain was a bag of cats, and he wasn't wrong. You seem almost rational. You still can't have him."

"I cannot force him to go with me, Tony Stark. Well, I could, but that would be beside the point. I also have no desire to fight you - Iron Man is as vital as Captain America, and I would not deprive your world of one of it's greatest defenders. Midgard will always need her heroes, no matter the universe."

"Wow. Oh boy do you have it wrong - I'm not even..." Tony felt a little choked up, and it said terrible things about him that he felt kind of... kind of validated by this not-as-crazy-Loki's words. It was the first time in a while that he'd been called a hero by someone who _meant_ it, and it was almost enough to get him choked up. He was getting on finding himself a therapist ASAP, because that was so fucked up. "I'm not a hero, and there are a lot better defenders out there than me. But, uh... if you're not gonna force him to go back then why..." Steve's arms wrapped around his waist and grabbed the front of his shirt hard, twisting the fabric the same way Tony did when he was nervous.

"I gotta go back, Tony," Steve whispered against his skin. "I gotta."

"No. No you don't. He said he won't force you to go because he doesn't want to fight my big bad self, so you can... Steve, you can _stay_." It took more effort than he would have thought to pry Steve's hands from his shirt, and when he turned around he cupped Steve's face gently and searched his eyes. "You can... you don't have to go back. I know I said I wouldn't... you can make your own decisions, I know that, and I won't... I can't order you to stay, but _amoretto_ I... I want you here. What am I going to do without you?" He saw the way Steve flinched a little and immediately pressed his advantage - he was in no way above fighting dirty here. "What about U and Dum-E and Fri?" Every name made Steve wince, and there were tears streaming down his face. Tony could feel them running down his own cheeks as well, and part of him knew this was goodbye, and he hated it. "Maybe I designed STAR for when you left, but I could... I could upgrade her myself, instead of whatever Tony Stark is in that world, because you don't even want to enlist, so you won't... I could upgrade her, and you could stay here with me instead of going back to... Steve, please. You don't have to go."

"I do. I gotta... I know 'bout Captain America Tony. I know that I'm supposed ta-"

"You don't have to be. You don't _want_ to be. A regular guy, remember? That's what you told me you wanted to be. You said that Steve, and you don't owe anyone one goddamn thing. I want you to-" Steve's hands grabbed hold of his hair, and then pulled Tony's head down to draw him into a hard, almost savage kiss. Steve bit at his lips almost hard enough to make him bleed, and Tony returned the favor even as he felt his heart start to shatter in his chest.

This was a 'goodbye' kind of kiss, Tony could tell that much - Steve was leaving. He was going to go with that other Loki, and Tony suddenly hated him even more than he did the asshole version that was from his own world. When they finally separated, Tony couldn't help but whimper and pull Steve in for another. As long as they were kissing, Steve couldn't say the words that would tear all the broken pieces of his heart out of his chest. As long as they were kissing, Steve couldn't leave.

The other man saw right through his cunning plan, of course. That kiss didn't last nearly as long, and the next one was even shorter, then shorter still until they were panting against each other's lips. Tony could taste their mingled tears on his tongue, but when he angled his mouth to kiss Tiny Adorable Steve again... he pulled away. "I gotta go, Tony," Steve whispered again, voice rough and his hands nearly tearing Tony's hair out by the roots. "I gotta. Captain America is... without him your world woulda been in a lotta trouble. So if I'm supposed ta be him... Tony, I gotta."

"No you don't."

"Would ya come with me if I asked ya?" At first hope surged inside of him, hot and bright and fierce. Because yes, he could absolutely do that - he could go with Tiny Adorable Steve and live in the forties, except... except Pep and the Avengers needed him, and he was old enough that if Steve went into the ice Tony wouldn't even live long enough to see him come back out. And things were coming, Tony could feel it in his bones. As much as he said he was done with Iron Man, Tony knew that there were threats that were more than big enough to prove him wrong, and they were on their way. If Tony left... Steve's grief softened into a knowing smile, because he was pretty damned good at reading Tony's expressions. Steve had known Tony's answer before he had, Tony realized. "That's what I thought. 'S why I gotta go, Tony."

"Why the fuck do you have to be so sensible and noble and shit? Why can't you be selfish?"

"Dunno. Why can't ya be?"

"This is such fucking bullshit," he whispered hoarsely. "I love you, and we were happy, and now-"

"I am sorry," Loki broke in, sounding closer than he had before. "I never meant to cause either of you pain."

"Good job on that one."

"I'm sorry. As I said, I didn't expect... I didn't know where he would end up. I did know that he was set on not trying to enlist, and that would - in the end - be disastrous for our worlds. Asgard and Midgard both will fall if he doesn't-"

"No. _No_. You do not get to put that shit on him," Tony interrupted viciously, tugging Steve into his body and letting the smaller man tuck his head under Tony's chin. "He's absolutely the fucking best thing that ever happened to me, and he'll be a great Cap, but don't you fucking dare put the weight of your whole fucking universe on his shoulders. He's not the lynchpin that it all turns on, and don't you try and make him think that he is. That's too much-" his voice broke, and he hated himself for it. "It's too much to put on one person. Fuck. Steve, _please_. I can't... I don't want to lose you." Steve's only answer was to hold him tighter, and Tony pressed a kiss to the top of his head before looking over at Loki.

The god was hovering nearby, remorse still etched on his face. Tony believed him, that he hadn't meant for this to happen - he'd only wanted Steve to know what he could be. Intentions didn't mean shit, however, when put up against the pain that threatened to rip him apart.

"I hate you."

"Yes, I imagine you do."

"I like you better when you're insane."

"Who says I'm not? Perhaps I'm simply better at managing it. Mother does say my mind has more tangles than a skein of yarn that's been left at the mercy of a cat."

"Please don't take him," Tony allowed himself to plead once - only once. Steve thought he had to go, so this was his last shot. "I love him."

"I know. I'm sorry. If he does not wish to come with me, I won't force him... but nor will I leave him here if he is willing."

"I gotta, Tony. I love ya too, an' I'm sorry, but... I gotta. I gotta protect my world just like ya do yours. This was what ya wanted for me, with all-a that talk-a enlistin'. I woulda drawn propaganda and saved up stamps for war bonds'n I'da been proud ta do it... but this is a chance ta help in another way. A way only I can'n I gotta." Steve was almost pleading with him, begging him to understand. Tony wanted to scream and shout, try to get Steve to change his mind... but he knew Steve Rogers was the most stubborn person on the face of any planet. If Steve thought he needed to do this, than there was nothing Tony could say that would change his mind. So if they had to say goodbye... the best option Tony had was to make this a little easier for both of them.

"Okay. Alright _amoretto_. I won't... if this is what you want to do then... alright. You washed your... the clothes you came here in, you washed them, right? I don't think anyone from your time would properly appreciate an Iron Maiden t-shirt, and those jeans would make way too many people appreciate your ass. So you can... you should change into those, and I'll... I'll get the boys so you can..." Sorrow choked him, and he held Steve tight enough that the smaller man was likely to bruise. "I'll get them. And STAR, since she's with them, and whatever the hell Loki did to Fri-baby he can undo so she can say... so you can... okay. Alright. Let's just... just do this."

"Loki did something to FRIDAY?"

"She'd have sounded enough alarms to make the whole tower shake if he hadn't. The Avengers would actually probably be very close to arriving, and I'd have a suit. None of that happened, so he did something." It was easier, to talk about that. He almost didn't feel like dying when he focused on the mechanics of what Loki had done to his baby. "If she's not okay, by the way, I will kick your ass," Tony added to the god, completely serious.

"I did nothing to harm her, Tony Stark. Please tell her _not_ to do any of the things you have just said will happen - I will allow your words to reach her, and then I will let go of the other magics I used. Please gather your things and say your goodbyes quickly, Steven. The spell I wove to get here and bring you back is a bit..." His already thin lips went flat, and then he sighed dramatically. "Wonky." At any other time, Tony would have investigated the use of that word, because what the fuck, but just then he didn't have the heart for it.

"... yeah. Okay, start letting her hear. Fri-baby? Things are probably maybe weird for you right now, but I promise it's fine and you don't have to engage any of the safety protocols, okay? Loki is... allowed to be here. For tonight. So don't... don't tattle on us, okay? There, can you do the thing now please, because I really need to go get the boys and then-"

"Boss? Is everything okay?" FRIDAY sounded anxious and uncertain, which was great progress for her emotionally, but it just reminded Tony that he probably looked like shit and he and Steve were crying, and his world was about to end. Again.

"No, Fri. But it's... it's fine."

"'M sorry Tony."

"I know. Go get your clothes and anything else you want to take with you, okay? I'll... we'll meet here and we'll..."

"Boss?"

"Steve's leaving, Fri." Tony told her as Steve stepped out of his arms, looking pale and grief-stricken and beautiful. "It's... it's time for him to go home."

"I... I see. I'll upload the last of the videos to STAR's memory banks," she offered, then went silent. Tony watched Steve slowly turn away, then walk out of the room. He needed to go get the boys and STAR, who'd decided a week ago that dinner was 'boring' and now hung out in the studio to play while he and Steve ate. Any second now he'd get right on that. In just a moment his feet were going to start moving, and he would bring the boys to say their goodbyes and make sure STAR understood that she needed to keep Steve _safe_ and then…

"If I'd known," Loki started, and Tony could only give a hollow laugh.

"If you'd known I might never have known him. He's... he's worth it. But you better fucking take care of him. If your world needs him so goddamn much-."

"I will watch over him, as much as I can. Some things will have to happen--"

"I know. I'll... I'll be right back."

The hardest thing about this - apart from saying goodbye to Steve, because that was absolutely going to be the worst and hardest - was standing in the doorway of Steve's studio, watching their kids. Yeah, _their_ kids, and now Steve was leaving. The boys wouldn't have Steve, and STAR wouldn't have him - as much as she might pretend that didn't matter, he knew the robotic spit-fire was actually pretty fond of him. Knowing that he was going to interrupt them and why was torture, so he let them have a little while longer. STAR and Dum-E were leaning over a sketch that U was working on, offering beeps and whistles (he loved how STAR talked 'robot' when she was alone with them) of interest and encouragement. Steve's colored pencils were all over the floor, the couch and chair cushions were strewn about carelessly, and he loved them all so much that it physically hurt.

"Hey," his voice came out a rough, ragged whisper so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Hey kiddos, I hate to... to break this up," All three had turned to face him, and apparently he really looked like shit because Dum-E let out a noise of alarm. STAR had to hold on or be thrown off, and U wasn't far behind them. The boys crowded him, both of them pressing close, and Tony reveled in the metal-cool contact. "Hey, hey... it's alright," he whispered, lying through his teeth. They were going to be upset enough - he didn't need to add to that. "But it's... remember when I told you that Steve was... was just sorta... he was visiting, remember, and we didn't know..." Both bots began to beep frantically, and it was all Tony could do not to break down sobbing. "I know. I know. I'll... I'm going to miss him too, but he has to... STAR is going with him, so she'll take care of him, and if he..." He began to run his hands over their metal struts, trying to soothe both them and himself. "Maybe he'll be able to come back." Not fucking likely, but he didn't want them to know that. "So we... we have to go say goodbye, okay? I'm... I'm sorry, and I know it's not fair, but we have to... he has to leave."

Much to his surprise, STAR hopped off of Dum-E and went to perch on his shoulder, something she usually only did with Steve. When the little 'bot began to stroke his face and make a soft, cooing sound, he almost broke down again. Dum-E stayed there, pressed against him and beeping forlornly, but U... fuck, this was going to be so hard for U. He loved Steve, and this was so unfair that he wanted to scream. U had zoomed off so fast that he almost tipped over when he went around a corner, but he wasn't headed to the living room. "U!" Tony called, afraid the 'bot was going to hide and refuse to say goodbye, which would destroy Steve.

"He's going to get his drawings," STAR told him quietly, still patting and stroking his face. "He's been making drawings for Steve, so he just went to get them. He'll say goodbye, and I'll look after Steve. I promise. That's what you made me for, Tony. I'll make sure that he's okay."

"I know you will. You're going to be amazing. Did FRIDAY finish the latest upload?"

"No. There is less than a minute left though. It will finish before we have to leave. Tony?"

"Yeah STAR?"

"I'm going to miss you. You and the boys and FRIDAY." Her voice was softer and more subdued than he'd ever heard it before, and Tony wondered if giving AI's the capacity to feel so much was really a good thing.

"We'll miss you too. But listen here," he added, starting for the living room with Dum-E gripping his shirt and trailing behind him. "I want you both to be happy, you and Steve. So no... no being sad and missing us forever, okay? He's... he's going to do something great. He's already amazing, but he's... he's going to get the strength to do all the things he never thought he would. Don't let him mope around and not reach for everything he deserves, okay?"

"He'll want you to be happy too."

"... happiness isn't in my cards, princess," he told her quietly. "I don't think it ever was. But I'll do my best not to curl up into a ball of tears and cry forever. That's going to have to be good enough."

"I guess," she sounded pretty skeptical, so he sighed and reached up with his right hand, lightly stroking her head.

"I'll be okay. I'll stay busy, and I'll be happy knowing that Steve has you to look after him. ... if he ends up putting a plane into the ice-"

"I know what to do."

That was... good. It was good. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Rogers had once confided that how awful it had been to feel the cold water slowly rising around him. He'd frozen slowly and painfully, and it plagued his nightmares - Tony didn't want that for Tiny Adorable Steve. He just hoped the contingency plan would work.

Steve was already in the living room when they got there, back in his garb from the 40’s with a small bag of other things he wanted to take… home with him and talking quietly with Loki. Dum-E let out a shrill whistle as soon as he saw the man, and he let go of Tony's shirt to race towards him. His idiot eldest didn't slow down in enough time, and in his desperation to reach Steve he ended up knocking the man down to the ground. Steve didn't yell at him - he never yelled, no matter how many times Dum-E knocked him down or ran over his foot. The 'bot would probably miss that, because fuck if Tony could stop shouting even if both of them knew he didn't mean it. No, Steve didn't shout, just struggled up onto his knees and threw his arms around the 'bot. Their goodbye was private, so Tony didn't move to get any closer; he just soaked up the way STAR was snuggling his neck instead. Loki seemed to feel the same, because he drifted away from the pair and over to the table where he surveyed their ruined dinner with both interest and regret.

Tony thought that maybe he'd just never eat dinner again, because it was fucking cursed.

He'd stopped crying, but he could feel sobs building up in the back of his throat - Tony was just saving them for that final, catastrophic moment. Steve still was though, he could see it even from all the way across the room. The man's face was blotchy and his eyes already puffy - objectively, Tony knew that Steve was an ugly crier, but he still thought Tiny Adorable Steve was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. As he hugged Dum-E, the 'bot was stroking his claw over Steve's hair and back, movements still a little bit frantic. At least his beeps didn't sound quite so distressed anymore.

Just as Steve was wrapping up with Dum-E, U came into the room. Unlike his brother, he was moving very, very slowly. Tony was pretty sure U was stalling, hoping that if he dragged this out long enough Steve would change his mind - like father, like son. In his claw was what looked like an old, battered, leather briefcase. It was one that probably wouldn't look out of place in Steve's time; it was, like STAR's compass mode, something the small blond could conceivable own. It was also probably full of the 'bot's drawings. Dum-E moved out of his way, showing more tact than Tony would have given him credit for and letting U have his own time with Steve. He wheeled over to Tony and gripped his shirt again, then started to whistle quietly with STAR when the smaller robot moved to sit on top of him again. They had their own goodbyes to say, after all.

Steve was hugging U and sobbing as he did when Loki cleared his throat. "I truly am sorry, but... we really must go. Steven?" The blond looked up and nodded, then ran his hands carefully over U's struts one last time before pulling away. He was a little shaky when he stood, but he didn't fall back down. As soon as he got his feet under him, he was running towards Tony. U was following after him, but Tony wasn't paying attention to their kids anymore - he only had eyes for Steve. The man flung himself and Tony, and he caught him easily and hugged him close. The 'bots were good enough to give them space, huddling together as Tony buried his face in Steve's hair.

God, he was going to miss the scent of him - it would fade from the pillows and their bed way too quickly, and then Tony would only have the memory of it. Once he left with Loki, Tony would never get to hold him again, or kiss him again, or tease him about those ugly fucking yellow rubber gloves, or grumble at him when he drooled all over him and stole the blankets, or-

"I wish I hadn't-a ever learned about Captain America," Steve whispered brokenly into his neck. "I should-a remembered curiosity killed the cat, 'cause if I didn't know, I... _Tony_."

"I know, I know," he tried to soothe, running his hands over Steve's back. "But here's the thing - nobody can do Cap as well as you _amoretto_. Loki's right about that, even if he is a bastard and I hate him for doing this to us. You're going back to be a hero, and I... I'm going to miss you so fucking much, Steve, but I'm... I'm proud of you too. You're gonna save the world, Tiny Adorable Steve." It wasn't enough - it wasn't going to make the loss any easier to bear, not really, and it sure as shit wasn't going to keep him warm at night, but it was all he had to hold on to. "And I... there's this play I went to see once. It was about this woman, who was one of the first female astronomers, and she... look, the plot doesn't matter. But there's this... this part, right? Where she and the guy she loves are going to be separated, but they... they said a thing. A thing that sort of makes sense, you know? It's... they were going to be 'afar but not apart', and that can be us too, Steve, because I'm never going to forget you and I'll always love you, and you're taking a piece of me with you and I think... I think I'll have a part of you too, so we'll..."

His voice failed him, and Steve turned his head up for a desperate kiss. Both of their hands were roaming, taking everything in for that last time, and it wasn't fair - it wasn't fair. If he'd known this was coming, he would have spent all day in bed with Steve. He'd have cuddled him closer and kissed him sweeter, and told him over and over again how much he meant. If he'd known it would be the last time they'd make love, he would have savored it more and gone slower, and... and it just wasn't fair.

"I love ya too, Tony," Steve whispered against his lips when they finally had to come up for air. "I love ya'n I always will, and of course a part-a me'll always be with ya. I... afar but not apart. I like that. I'm gonna miss you so fuckin' much, Tony." Usually Tony loved it when he swore, because he almost never did and it was kinda hot, but just then it only made him ache with sadness. They kissed again, and again, and Tony hoped that this time they could just keep kissing forever and Steve wouldn't ever have to go... but time stopped for no man.

Eventually they had to stop, and Tony had to give Steve one last tight hug. He was crying unabashedly by that point, and Steve was crying even harder than he had been. Loki was hovering nearby, and he was looking twitchier and twitchier the longer they waited, and Tony was afraid he'd rip Steve away if they didn't finish soon. "A-alright boys. I need STAR." He didn't even recognize his own voice, but their boys still responded. Dum-E carefully handed her over, and then she gave both of them one last fond pat before she turned those bright blue eyes to Tony. "You take care of him," he told her again even though he didn't need to. "I think you should go into disguise mode for now, kiddo. I know you'll do me proud."

"I will. Bye Tony." With one last whistle to the bots, she folded herself into a compass, and Tony tucked her into Steve's hand.

"I think it might be time, _amoretto_. Loki looks like he's about to explode."

"Explode might be a little strong - I just fear that we are cutting things very close. I understand your reluctance, truly I do, but we need to go. Now."

"Right. Okay. Fine." Tony reached out to run his fingers down Steve's cheek in a last caress, because if he took the man in his arms again he knew he wouldn't ever let go. "Remember that I love you. Always. Afar but not apart."

"Yeah.. Afar but not apart. I love ya too."

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"Me either."

"So let's pretend it's not. I'll... I'll see you soon, Tiny Adorable Steve." Steve tried to laugh, but it was a broken, breathless thing.

"Right. See ya Tony. Real soon."

"Love you."

"Love ya too."

Steve wasn't better at letting go than him, Tony knew that. He was just better at soldiering on. So he was the one who finally took another two steps back before saying a last goodbye to the 'bots and FRIDAY. He was the one who broke their last, lingering glance to turn away and walk to Loki. And he didn't look back once the fucker had taken his arm, murmuring the words that would take them both... home, Tony guessed. It was just that home was supposed to be here, where they had their kids and their bed, and they were together.

Then he was... he was just _gone_ in a brilliant flash of green. Tony was alone with the 'bots, who were practically wailing their grief to the skies. Not that he could talk, since he was sobbing in great heaves that shook his whole body. He slowly sank to the floor, and once he was there the boys surrounded him in a pile of metal and limbs and _loss_. FRIDAY lowered the lights without being told, then began to send soft music through the speakers - without a physical body, it was all she could really do.

Two days, Tony decided before he let himself get lost in his tears. He'd give himself two days to fall apart, to grieve. He could have two days to do nothing but cling to the memory of Steve. While he'd send brief messages to Pepper and Rhodey, Tony would let himself have two days alone with just his boys and FRIDAY. Two days... and then he'd work on finding a new normal. He'd been making plans for SI and the Avengers - he had projects he'd been excited to move forward with, and the world hadn't really ended even if it felt like it. As much as he might want to, he couldn't hide away on this floor forever; he had to soldier on, the way Steven Brian Rogers had taught him.

He wouldn't lose himself completely the way he had after JARVIS had died, because he knew Steve wouldn't like that.

Tony didn't think he'd ever be 'happy' - he hadn't been lying when he'd said as much to STAR. Maybe he didn't need to be though. Maybe he just needed to do the best he could for his company and the Avengers. He'd work hard to make everything ready for when the real threats started to come from space so he could protect his world the same way Tiny Adorable Steve would protect his own.

Afar but not apart.

It wasn't what he wanted, but it was all he had. He'd get used to it, and he'd settled into a new normal and be as close to happy as he could manage.

In two days, anyway. In two days he'd get right on that.

For the moment, he could only cry for everything he'd lost until he finally drifted into a restless, fitful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo... that's the end of the first part of the trilogy! Feel free to yell at me here or on [Tumblr](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com) if you'd like.
> 
> The play that Tony mentions in the story is a real play that we put on this past summer at the non-profit summerstock theater that has been my home away from home for almost fifteen years now. It's AMAZING, and if you ever have the chance to see it, you totally should. It's called 'Silent Sky', written by Lauren Gunderson. It's based on the true story of a 19th-century female astronomer, Henrietta Leavitt - it's very much in the vein of the movie 'Hidden Figures'. I saw it four times, and I sobbed EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's so good. Here's a link to some more info about it if you're interested - [Silent Sky](http://www.dramatists.com/cgi-bin/db/single.asp?key=5234)
> 
> Again, this part hurt me to write, and I bawled my way through it - because I'm terrible, I hope that you too experienced some feels. XD I am going to throw a short up in 'Re-Examine' once this is posted as well that has some fluff to maybe soften the blow.
> 
> The first part of the next story might take a little while to get up. I'm finished with the fic for my second auction winner, and so I want to get that up first. But! The good news is that I've already gotten about halfway through actually writing the second part of the trilogy, and I THINK I'll be able to do a thing where I update WEEKLY instead of on a schedule that depends on my mood, phase of the moon and the pattern of the crows flocking outside of my window. It'd be a change, but one I'm hoping will happen!
> 
> One last HUGE thanks to my beta for this, KiernaSerea!! She's been an awesome cheerleader, has caught sooo many of my mistakes, and got me thinking a lot further into the backstory than I otherwise might have. She's awesome and deserves many thanks and much praise. <3 <3
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this little story, and that you'll stick around for all the shorts and the next two main installments. <3

**Author's Note:**

> I have a tumblr! [Tahlreth](http://tahlreth.tumblr.com/) is it's name. You can visit me there for reblogs without tags in several fandoms and also random shit that I find disproportionately amusing. Also feel free to send me Asks and prompts and stuff! I do accept them I just... I am slow at it. D: But please send 'em if you got 'em!
> 
> Check out the [Stony Trumps Hate](https://stonytrumpshate.tumblr.com/) Tumblr page to see other awesome auction goodness! It was so fun to participate, and I'm so proud of what we were able to accomplish. <3


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